Four threads to freedom! Divorcing Twatchops once and for all

[thenamehaschanged]

Still can't copy and paste links but my last thread was New name, new game, less stress, more progress!

This really, really is the last one now - I hope that my story has helped anybody breaking free from abuse - it's bloody hard but you can do it!

Lovely, Momagain1 the jewellery bit obvs, not macho cowboy lovers!

Something just clicked and I realized I am worth much, much more than that!!!

That is so, so true Pond. The vast, vast majority of people (but not the nutters like Twatty , their egos are completely off the scale) don't believe they are worth enough. Glad that your H was able to give you that 'a-ha' moment. As individuals, we must build that belief we are worth so, so much more

Brokeback Mountain anyone?! Sorry, I've a bit of a warped sense of humour at times!

You're doing fab Name my lovely, and you don't need to give up wine totally if you enjoy it, jut be careful who you share a bottle with so you don't end up giving away plans to the wrong people! x

Yes agreed Zazzles and everyone - haha Adara and thank you

Well I saw H this morning for the first time in 3 weeks. I had to drop the kids to him at 9am in the car. He took them from the back seat so we didn't need to talk. Still had to look at him as I drove up though - because I'd had my friend over last night for lots of I woke up at 8.45! Cue lots of mad dashing about to get the kids out of the house on time.

I'm going to have to go through the same tonight - think I'm collecting them from him at 6 but bil will confirm that later.

So all in all another hurdle cleared. Feel good but honestly don't know what to do with myself now!

A Sunday afternoon tv movie, some pampering, a book...a nap (but set alarm!

Yes good idea Mari! Just had a bath and am now watching.....Tootsie! (thanks Again Pond! )

Have to say as well my friend and I had a good laugh about Greg the plumber and H's tight arsed blonde. My friend was like 'tight arsed? As in mean with money?' Haha

Tootsie is one of my favs! Enjoy it, your afternoon, and your peaceful home.

Hi name, I've been following your inspiring journey to freedom and have posted a few times on your other threads. Reading about Tootsie reminded me of another great film which you may have seen. Especially the song at the end!

Haha oh yeah! Thanks Fairenuff I actually watched it not that long ago, I think one of my fave scenes is where Diane Keaton has to hit her therapist about the head to get out the hurt. So funny! I like 'The Break Up' too

Hope the pick up went ok withut any trouble from Twatchops

Just checking in hoping the pick up went ok and you're ok after seeing him again, even if not to talk to

He took them from the back seat so we didn't need to talk.

I would purposefully set up situations which did not allow or precipitate talk or discussion. Also your body language can convey a multitude of messages - when he can see your face (and the DC can't) give him the 'stony-faced' look, the 'I'm-not-happy-with-you' look, the 'I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you' look. I have been practicing this on a male manager who has a reputation for harassing the women in the company and it is working a treat . If you are normally smiley and happy, make sure you practice your look a bit before you need to use it.

KOKO Name, I knew you would bounce back

Thank you Zazzles thanks Joy and ATM

Well, there was some communication - I was supposed to be picking them up at 7 but I had a call from bil at 5.45 to say dd2 had fallen asleep and could I go and get them now from a different station. H had to lay dd2 in the back seat, bit of kerfuffle and then he said 'thanks for letting me have them today' in a very humble way. I didn't say anything, just gave him a thumbs up but that was it.

It wasn't supposed to happen and he obviously felt compelled to speak to me. I don't know - another low mood day today unfortunately - I'm getting there though and have got a nicotine patch on!

It was a very quick, glum, resigned one thumb up by the way - certainly not a cheesy grinned, double thumbed, fandabidoze salute!

That must have made you feel a bit tense. But look at it this way. Even though you had to hear his voice, at least he didn't try to lay a load of shit on you. At least he's 'toeing the line' as far as not trying to verbally play on your emotions. And I'll bet it's been a loooonnngg time since he's at least 'acted' humble! It's another step away from him, isn't it?

It is Pond, thank you - it is soooo over, his family know that, his solicitor should know that by now - I feel protected and so if he's going to be pleasantish at the moment rather than the barking loon of old then it just makes thing a lot more bearable.

But yes it was a bit tense and nerve wracking and wouldn't have happened if dd2 hadn't konked out on him!

Well done, Name. That's a hurdle and a half got theough! Many women find that the first time they have to see or hear their ex-abuser is in mediation or Court and it's terrifying for them. You've got those firsts out of the way quickly, by accident and not design, but Who cares! and I think it'll make life easier for you in the long run.

You're steaming ahead aren't you!

Ahh thanks Jux, bloody hope so haha!!

It was a very quick, glum, resigned one thumb up

Well done Name, that should give Twatty the message that "This is Serious Mum"; he has royally, royally fucked up his marriage; and it is no longer a viable option. He should have plenty of time in a lonely bedsit to ponder his situation and chase tight-arsed hot blondes . What a dick!

KOKO Name, be lovely and cheering with the DC and those you love, and a give him the glum, resigned you - Twats like him need that continually reinforced, I suspect.

PS Don't forget, if you are feeling low, you can talk about it here - this is meant to be a safe place for you to vent your feelings, not matter what they are

Name - I've pm'd you, she says mysteriously....
Poppy

Aw thanks Zazzles!! That was lovely actually - yeah he has royally fucked up his own marriage - it is all his own fault.

Was at the Freedom Programme again this morning - we did 'the Persuader' which is H so utterly through and through it's scary. Gotta say though, we talked red flags in the second part of the session and it is a MineField out there! Stuff that seems so perfectly innocuous, kind even, can be the laying of control foundations.

It's going to be a very long time before I venture 'out there' - got a lot of work and unpicking to do

Back at ya Poppy!

Hi Name I am imagining the glum sort of thumb thing but pretty please, the first time you meet him after the Absolute, Be a glowing skinned, shiny haired, swishy, smiling like a thousand suns, all new version of Name as a massive great finger up to him! I would not be able to resist it - soz I am a bad person

how's it going name?

Alright thanks Star

Love it Dinnae haha how's things your end? Hope all ok

Well, yesterday from dropping the kids off to picking them up I felt utterly horrific. Topping myself would have been more fun. I actually spoke to the Samaritans which is a first it's the feeling that everything gets on top of you and then panic sets in because you feel you can't cope. Very weird and not pleasant. Think it was brought on by the fear of going back to work soon, all the kid related responsibilities, feeling agoraphobic, urgh just everything.

Anyway - it was dd1's parents evening last night, I was dreading it - but the three of us went back up to the school at 5pm, it was like walking into a happy community, the kids played with their friends while I went and spoke to the teacher. Dd1 had a glowing report which made me so happy, we briefly chatted about the situation at home, dd1 has shown no signs of emotional upset at all - I said I was a little concerned she had told me a couple of lies this week, but I realise now it's my fragile mind blowing things out of proportion.

So I took them out for dinner after and we had such a laugh together. I've set a couple of rules for the house which they get and respect - 1. No lying and 2. When I say it's bedtime, it's bedtime no arguments and that's it - last night and this morning went so well. We're going to watch a Christmas film with hot chocolates every night now we've all agreed haha! I will be thoroughly sick of it by December but if they're happy, I'm happy.

The freedom programme made me realise this week that H has destroyed my sense of how able a parent I am. I'm actually alright, they don't run wild or are unruly - I'm actually the better parent, treating them with love and respect and understanding.

Bring on a better day! Oh and I've got on some supplements - b vits, fish oils and chromium - supposed to help lift mood