Should I indulge this fantasy?

[StandingOnTheEdge]

NC'ed as I am usually fairly open on MN and probably easily recognisable. I've been here since the pombear dinner party thread.

I have become increasingly friendly with a bloke at work mostly over instant messenger. Initially I just thought of him as a friend but our messages have been getting more and more flirty. He has recently admitted that he is a dom and the things he writes about submissives have been a huge turn on. He has insisted that it is not about bullying or control but about giving a submissive pleasure and fulfilling her fantasy.

This is a huge fantasy of mine. And I am very tempted to take him up on it, but I'm very nervous. I think I can trust him. I just don't know if I will change my mind when it comes to it. I'm seeing him at work for the first time tomorrow since this all came out.

If anyone can offer advice, I'd appreciate it.

Ok, so 'romantic' may be a misnomer, but still, an involved, out-of-work relationship deserves an acknowledgement of the risk that work colleagues may find out, so bear that in mind. And I have had an adventurous and explorative sex life to anyone's standards an have never heard of a 'munch' (and would recoil in horror at the idea of attending one!) so they are not a necessary precursor to a non-vanilla sexual relationship!

as he'd groomed a vulnerable work colleague?

To be fair, I'm not sure she's been groomed, in sounds like she was a willing participant in all conversations.

Also, in an ideal world he would bare the same consequences as OP but sadly I don't think this would be the case.

Xmas...wouldn't it depend on which' it ' you'd go for...the pain giver or the pain. Receiver.

And I have had an adventurous and explorative sex life to anyone's standards an have never heard of a 'munch' (and would recoil in horror at the idea of attending one!) so they are not a necessary precursor to a non-vanilla sexual relationship!

Absolutely agree. You're not missing much

I actually give up.

I can't tell you how bad an idea this is for so many reasons.

I second the posters who are concerned about repercussions at work -- and not because it is a potential D/s arrangement, though that can complicate things a little more.

If you go ahead, do your homework -- don't just rely on him to 'educate' you. The sub in a considered and safe D/s dyad is the one who holds the cards, so best to know what cards you're holding. "The New Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton is a great start, as is "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" by Philip Miller.

I don't see the immediate problem with this any more than any other work place relationship. You obviously would need to get to know him much more first, before you tried anything, and you would need to have a very open and honest conversation about what you want and don't want. Once you have done that, you can decide whether you want to give it a go.
I think a lot of BDSM relationships offer better sex than many people enjoy, because of the open conversation required.

The receiver.

If op has this fantasy then I suppose there's no harm in trying - to see whether its 'for' her or not.

Thanks for all the replies so far. I really don't think I'm ready for this after all.

I appreciate the replies about workplace relationships in general but what I was really after was some info from people who know more about this kind of relationship. So thanks to FrauHelga, NoArmani and others.

I think I will step back from the edge.

Only in a completely safe environment with someone she trusts 110 per cent like frauhelga suggests.

We wouldn't want anything to go wrong would we.

Find a loving partner and work on it together.

Sounds much more preferable tome!

It would be horrendous if in your naivety you were taken advantage of by someone unscrupulous.

I am a dominant woman. I do the hitty things to men. And I like it and they do too. It's fun. And that's what everyone who has read Fifty Shades thinks it's all about. Light and a bit of a laugh. A little bit edgy.

Leaving aside male doms who abuse their power and position. And rape. And sexually assault. And lie and cheat and every other damn thing.

My kink is control - complete and utter control. I am a headfuck of massive proportions. I have to actually keep myself in check at all times because of how far and how sadistic in terms of fucking with a sub's head I could be. I don't ever over step a boundary, I don't ever do anything that hasn't been agreed, but I'm probably the most sadistic person I know. And that's not in a beat you til you bleed way that's a could destroy your mind kind of a way.

Now, are you ready for someone like me in your life? Because, if you're not exceedingly careful, that's what you'll get. Only they won't have the scruples and moral compass that I do.

And to be clear. I never have taken it as far as I could. I would never actually do that. It's not fair, reasonable, safe, sane, consensual or practical. But I could. I know I could. I know that exists inside me.

Oh yes - I should have mentioned that you would need to completely trust him. Sorry op, was being a bit impulsive in my answer.

Frau, you are scaring the shit outta me.

Hopefully you are making Op snap out of her BDSM-lite romantic fantasies as well.

I know - I know exactly what I am. I keep it in check (really, I do!) but even the Doms on the local scene are scared of me.

But I'm not the worst. Really. I have morals and scruples and I play fair.

Some don't. And that's what the OP is flirting with. Or potentially could be. She doesn't know.

50 Shades has a lot to answer for.

That is for sure, Walter.

Well, I think that's spelled it out Frau and I think OP took note a few messages back .

I haven't read that book, nor will I watch the film.

I don't think you'll find me at a local munch either

;-)

Well reading the book would certainly be a lot safer than trying to act it out IMHO. And they are ten a penny in most charity shops now.

come on! let her have her fun...