Should I indulge this fantasy?

[StandingOnTheEdge]

NC'ed as I am usually fairly open on MN and probably easily recognisable. I've been here since the pombear dinner party thread.

I have become increasingly friendly with a bloke at work mostly over instant messenger. Initially I just thought of him as a friend but our messages have been getting more and more flirty. He has recently admitted that he is a dom and the things he writes about submissives have been a huge turn on. He has insisted that it is not about bullying or control but about giving a submissive pleasure and fulfilling her fantasy.

This is a huge fantasy of mine. And I am very tempted to take him up on it, but I'm very nervous. I think I can trust him. I just don't know if I will change my mind when it comes to it. I'm seeing him at work for the first time tomorrow since this all came out.

If anyone can offer advice, I'd appreciate it.

I have friends who are men who go. And they are usually very nicely turned out for munches.

Well I'm obviously all a twitter with excitement!
Should have read
Think I'm on the wrong forum

And yes, I shouldn't have written the words strike through!

Oh the embarrassment!

As an aside, do not assume your workplace chats are private.
Someone in IT will be reading them. I'm sure they are flagged because of the words used.
Any decent sized company will have to record / archive / monitor them as a matter of routine in case of harassment claims or investigations.

You THINK you can trust him. Totally massive red flag. Don't even think about it under any circumstances. And agree if this kind of conversation is being held on a work's computer it's very dodgy indeed.

The sub/dom thing is a red herring. Proceed with the same caution as you would any romantic relationship with a work colleague. And keep anything private, in a private forum. Not in work time, over work wifi, over work-monitored IM (voice of experience of that last one!)

So far the workplace messages have been completely innocent. We've been chatting on WhatsApp out of work time for the more interesting stuff.

I am not into the scene at all. I have led a very boring sheltered life thus far. I really appreciate your replies FrauHelga and NoArmani. You've given me a lot to think about. What is a munch?

As you guessed I am completely taking his word for it that he is a Dom. How on earth would I verify it?

I've just googled it

Gawd...you learn something every day!

God it's all so try hard, isn't it? Does no one just have sex these days anymore?

namelessposter I don't actually want a romantic relationship. I think what I want is a friends with benefits type thing. Maybe this is a benefit too far.

I don't Lying. But then, that's me, and I'm very confident and happy in my sexuality. I would never ever take it into the workplace.

You know the bit that makes my nerves jangle in your OP? It's the "I think I can trust him"

You need to KNOW 110% absolutely totally and utterly that you can trust him before you embark on a D/s relationship with him.

Proceed with caution OP by the sounds of it.

Go to a munch first and learn as much as you can before you commit to DTD.

Might not be your scene at all and you could save yourself a whole heap of embarrassment.

What's a munch?

Standing I don't think you're anywhere near ready to get into this. You don't even really know him, do you?

Get to know him. Properly. Not through WhatsApp.

God, I just can't imagine the car crash if it came out at work. It would be enough to put me off...

If you feel you are going to be biting off more than you can chew

You can always just stick with the burger!

A munch is kinky people meeting up socially for dinner and drinks in a pub or bar - no kinky business, just a bunch of mates meeting up for a night out.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munch_(BDSM)

Thanks, Frau.

That sounds like a good option. I just don't think this is a line you should be crossing Standing.

That sounds very civilised.

It generally is, Cinnabar. Just mates meeting up for a chat.

It's a meeting at a cafe, bar, restaurant I believe.

X post.

Surely if it did come out (so to speak) at work, he'd be equally embarrassed for indulging in such shameful practices :) or even possibly more so, as he'd groomed a vulnerable work colleague?

So my guessing is, he'd have as much to lose if it did become workplace gossip, therefore, it shouldn't be a problem.

As for the act itself, as said earlier, discuss and agree upon ones limits, decide upon a safe word, then rubber up and have fun. xx

How on earth do you get into this kind of chat with some bloke at work over instant message? And even if you did, is he actually suggesting you be the sub?

I may be way off beam, but it sounds a bit predatory on his part. He doesn't know you really, it seems inappropriate to me .

Meh, I'd go for it.

Eekaman - how much actual experience do you have of D/s practices?