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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am currently packing his stuff. Am I overreacting?

160 replies

NorrisCole · 02/11/2014 19:39

I have had enough.

He was using the tablet over the weekend and left his Facebook logged in. He is in the pub and messages started popping up on the tablet for his Facebook account.

It was a woman I've never heard of or met but from the messages written it's an ex of his.

She was saying how he hadn't changed and how was he etc. He mentioned he had a daughter now but had been split up from me for over a year and lived on his own in a flat in his old hometown.

As far as I'm concerned we are very much together and things have been going fantastic. It fekt like a massive smack in the face and I feel so hurt and deflated . Messages have been clean but he's maintaining he's single and shes asking to meet up or for his number. He hasn't replied yet.

I do so so much for him and for him to just make out I'm not there and he's on his own is so hurtful and completely disrespectful. No mention of his stepdaughter dd1 who adores him just that he gets dd2 every second weekend.

I don't know whether to confront him now by phone or wait until he comes home.

He will completely deny it and say his Facebook was hacked even though I have taken sceeenshot and it's obviously him. We have been in this situation before and I forgave him.

I would never say I was single. I always acknowledge my partner of 5 years and my head has honestly never been turned. He is obviously playing the single card hoping to get a Shag or a new girlfriend out of it.

I am quite calm but I'm not sure how calm I'll be when he lies to my face when he comes home and I don't want to explode when dds are here.

I can't believe I've let him fool me again. I honestly thought things were getting better and out relationship has been brilliant recently. How stupid am I Sad

OP posts:
Littleturkish · 02/11/2014 20:24

Not overreacting at all.

I'm so so sorry OP, it must really hurt.

Pack it all, refuse to discuss, do not listen to him tonight- you're right, he'll panic lie and be unbearable.

What an absolute fool to through away a good relationship- such a shame he will have to see you move on and be happy as you're a good honest woman, and he'll never be happy as he is a creepy lying cheat.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/11/2014 20:25

I would mention that he already has sorted out the access arrangements then...Every other weekend, was it?

I'm sorry op, this must be horrid.

BastardGoDarkly · 02/11/2014 20:26

Ah x-post, that sounds like a good plan.

Do you think he'll go quietly? Do you need someone with you?

Simplesusan · 02/11/2014 20:26

As others suggest pack all his stuff and throw it outside. Lock the door and if he does try to get in tell him you will phone the police. He doesn't live in your home, he is single you can prove it too (Facebook).

I wouldn't bother enraging with him he is a teat and will lie through his teeth.

I might inform the ow that he is a total liar, she probably deserves to know the truth.

Move on and don't look back. Look forward to the beginning to the rest of your life.

smillassenseofsnow · 02/11/2014 20:32

I'm not sure about 'let[ting] her find out for herself in due course' - it's taken five years to get to this point in your relationship, does she have to go through five years herself? She doesn't appear to have done anything wrong. He's lying to you both.

Not that it's your responsibility to say anything to her, of course, but I wouldn't allow misplaced anger at her to sway you when deciding whether to say something to her or anyone else on Facebook.

NorrisCole · 02/11/2014 20:32

Dds will be sleeping when he gets back, dd1 has a sickness bug so I'm busy looking after her tonight.

He made us get the bus home from another city 35 miles away earlier today (we were sofa shopping thank God I didn't buy one) because she was being sick and he didn't want her to be sick in the car. I wasn't keen on taking her in the first place but she seemed better when we left, she started being sick again late afternoon. It was a horrific journey with a sicky 5 year old and teething hungry 16 month old and grumpy judgey passengers. He didn't even meet us at home, he went to the pub instead so that alone is a good enough reason to boot him out.

I suppose I need to be calm and hope he doesn't come home tonight.

He hasn't replied to my text yet.

OP posts:
NorrisCole · 02/11/2014 20:34

Smillassenseofsnow - I absolutely believe she has no idea he's in a relationship and your right, she does deserve to know.

I wouldn't wish this hurt on anybody. I just can't believe we don't matter to him and it looks like we never have.

OP posts:
seagull70 · 02/11/2014 20:36

He made your sick DD get the bus home? Dear god Hmm

For that alone OP

CaptainAnkles · 02/11/2014 20:37

He made you take a bus 35 miles in case your child was sick in his car?

ShockAngry

What a shitebag. The FB stuff is bloody awful as well, but the added info just makes him sound like a callous tool.

prettywhiteguitar · 02/11/2014 20:37

He sounds like a prize cock no decent man would do that ! How did he think your poor sick dd would feel on the bus !!

Get rid

Jazzhandsrule · 02/11/2014 20:37

Norris, I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Your last post alone is completely shocking. Your partner made you catch the bus with a baby and a child being sick! I'm lost for words, that is one of the most uncaring, mean things I've ever heard. I really feel for you, but I honestly do think you and your children will be better off without him. What a nasty piece of work. I hope you can confide in your parents and get the support you need. Best of luck x

lemisscared · 02/11/2014 20:38

You can "join" the facebook conversation, so that both he and her see it - tell him his things are on the front door step and the door is locked and will stay so.

Flowers
wigfieldrocks · 02/11/2014 20:39

Oh Norris, sounds like you're well rid of him. Good for you for refusing to take this crap, like you said you deserve so much better than that. Good luck, stick to your guns and all the best to you and your dd's.

headlesslambrini · 02/11/2014 20:43

What a twat.

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 02/11/2014 20:44

oh op, he really is a selfish piece of shit.

you say your dd1 adores him? well he doesn't adore her if he put his car first.

he DELETED you on FB?

op, i hope and pray that you continue being strong, I am appalled on your behalf.

xx

PeppermintPasty · 02/11/2014 20:44

My god, you must be bloody fuming. Yes, kick the bastard out and give him the single life for real. What a worm.

CookieLady · 02/11/2014 20:44

Agree with others that you're much better off without him.

AlpacaYourThings · 02/11/2014 20:46

Bloody hell, Norris that is awful.

middlings · 02/11/2014 20:46

You are so much better off without him. I'm not one to easily say LTB.

I can't believe he made a sick five year old get the bus! What did you say when he suggested that!

BastardGoDarkly · 02/11/2014 20:47

Yup, he's a heartless bastard. He'd rather you and your poor dd suffered on a massive bus journey, than cut it by half in time and pick you up. .....utter cunt.

RaisingMen · 02/11/2014 20:47

You are not overreacting. What an absolute dick for making you take the bus yesterday, and then this today? Please don't take him back, you deserve so much better

EverythingCounts · 02/11/2014 20:48

So he didn't want to take his own ill daughter home in case she messed up his car? Words fail me. Angry

starlight1234 · 02/11/2014 20:51

I just want to add well done for been so strong.

I find the fact he refused to take Sick DD home. Awful. Poor DD.. Hope she is feeling a little better xx

SweetErmengarde · 02/11/2014 20:51

You're being kinder than he deserves leaving his things on the steps.

If it were me, they'd be going either to thedump or up in flames!

And if he dared to say anything? "But why would you have things here? You've had your own flat for a year, you said so yourself. Goodbye."

Fuming on your behalf! You are doing brilliantly.

carlsonrichards · 02/11/2014 20:52

What a prick. Don't let him back into your life.