Is my dh being unreasonable to ask me to stop drinking wine?

[40thisisit]

I won't pretend that I don't love white wine and yes on occasion may drink too much. But it's my only vice in life. I work hard during the week (am a chemistry teacher), run twice a week, eat healthily and also have 3 dd's to look after. I see my wine time at weekends and school holidays as a little time for me to relax. He thinks I'm shortening my life and has said he's going to give up wine and wants me to join him. AIBU to tell him to go whistle???

So he wants you to give up in case he dies? WTF? Life has NO guarantees.

The best way to 'rest easy' is to get a good will in order, keep up your life insurance policies, lay out a plan for guardianship should you both die and again, make your wishes legal by seeing a solicitor.

Looking after yourself is great, but being healthy does not guarantee anything.

I don't drink at all. I got hyper emesis when pregnant and immediately, even the smell of alcohol made me sick. I just never bothered again after that. It just made me sick.

But I don't think you drink too much.

If my DH drank a bottle of wine in one night he'd be slurring his words and falling off his chair.

If you can down a bottle of wine with no ill effects then you are drinking too much.

"If you can down a bottle of wine with no ill effects then you are drinking too much"

Lets not get hysterical here.

OP has been back and said she drinks wine over the course of like 4-5 hours. That's hardly downing a bottle of wine?

I sometimes do the same, I also usually have a meal. Never feel pissed, never have hangover.

If however I go out after work and have two drinks in quick succession then yep I will feel pissed.

It's all about context.

Not the OP has clarified she drinks it over the course of X amount of hours lets stop with all the 'downing bottles of wine" talk as it's inaccurate.

Sorry I meant now the OP has clarified

Mamma....so in your opinion if she downed the bottle in 2 hrs - then she would be drinking too much....but as it is over 4-5 hrs she is not????

Health professionals tell us that drinking more than 3 units in 24 hrs is too much.....but you suggest that drinking 10 units in 4-5 hrs is OK?

A bottle of wine in an evening is a lot of alcohol. Most people would be feeling the effects even if it was spread over five hours. I don't think it's particularly normal or healthy to be able to drink that much alcohol and still feel sober.

I am not talking about the amount of wine, I am talking about the context in which it is drunk

"downing" a bottle of wine, is not the same as drinking a bottle over the course of an evening in terms of how it effects a person.

So all those posters saying 'you must be so pissed', 'you must have a terrible hangover', 'you must be slurring and forgetting what you are talking about' aren't technically correct.

I am not saying it's a healthy amount to drink regularly BUT I know first hand it is more than possible to drink that amount getting pissed / feeling rough the next day.

I would be a wreck drinking one bottle a night at weekends. Seems like binge drinking really.

Can't you just have one glass a night on a Friday and another on a Saturday night?

What about pouring one glass at 9pm instead? Make it more of an end to the day thing rather then a drinking all evening thing

Do you both have wills and life insurance? Have you discussed and put into place guardianship of your children should you both die at the same time?

It sounds to me like he is panicking about his own morality.

Fair enough. But as death is a certainty, it best to be prepared by making legal provision, letting your family know your wishes (including as regards organ donation), even buying a funeral and plot/urn/vault and headstone in advance. This is not morbid, it's practical.

Her husband is clearly worried for a reason. Why?

Is it health or is it him that she's not as nice a person, does he think it impacts on their weekends and means they aren't living the life he'd hoped for?

Again, I think the best thing is to speak to your husband to find out why he wants you to give up the drink. It must be impacting on your relationship somehow for him to raise it.

As PigletJohn said above:

"IME, people who regularly neck a bottle of wine in an evening are witty, sparkling, fun loving, sociable and great company

but only inside their own heads"

If drinking had no effect inside or outside - you wouldn't drink in the first place???

Delusions and denial going on here if anyone believes that there are no physiological changes taking place that impact mood when 10 units of alcohol are consumed -- not scientifically possible.

OP, I'm going to answer your actual question. No YANBU. Do what you like so long as you aren't a weepy, miserable, vicious drunk after your bottle of wine.

There are a lot of very abstemious posters on this thread. I'd love to know how many of these paragons are overweight/ smoke/ unfit or any other little imperfections? Quite a few, I'd guess.

I have numerous defects and imperfections. If I came on a web forum and said that some of them were voluntary, and should I do anything about it, I would not be surprised if some people replied "yes."

Gawd, Mathilda, have you read any smoking thread on here? Jesus wept! They are all utterly rotten people who will die before 50. Every single one. And weight threads, too, full of preaching about how they eat only an organic vegan diet and exercise an hour a day or more. Anyone overweight is also in denial and will get cancer, diabetes and die horribly. The government says you should eat low-fat, no sugar and no wheat diets, doncha know?

You'd think all of MN lives in a Buddhist monestary.

Om..................

Very very uneasy about the lady comment about equating not drinking and living in a Buddhist monastery along with 'Omm'
I do t think people would ever dare making similar comment if it was about another religion, let's say the Muslim or the Jews. That was way out of line.

Also in teaching and I think a bottle a night is excessive over the weekend. A whole bottle would make me very hungover. I also think drink + school holidays is an issue - potentially 13 weeks of of drinking heavily.

Don't give up"for him" but perhaps you already know you need to make some changes. Good luck with whatever you decide

I have made a lovely daal for dinner tonight, though. With homemade naan.

I thought the 'om' comment was along the lines of what small schoolchildren say when somebody is being 'told off' by the teacher..

OP's had mixed views, I don't think people are abstemious here, that sounds like general 'silencing' to me really. OP's husband is the one who has an issue with this, nobody else does, it's he that she needs to speak to.

No, hands up, I was thinking of meditation. Apologies if this has given offence.

Well, I would have said a Trappist monestary or convent, but Catholic monks and nuns can drink alcohol, some even brew it (Buckfast).

But if you want to make it all racist and try to read what is not there, fag away.

But she drinks 2 bottles at the weekend. Friday and Saturday night, presuming for 5 hours a night each. Every weekend. Likely by herself.

During the school holidays, she drinks in the week including the weekend.

If her drinking doesn't intrude on family time and she isn't being an ass or harmful to her husband or children, then she's ok.

You drink your bottle then over a period of time at (guessing a bit) 6pm to 10:00. So, roughly 4hrs including food.

You are not Downing a bottle. The effects will likely be fuzzy not catastrophic.

You are an adult. Make your own choice. Tbh I'm FAR more concerned at the idea dh feels it necessary to stop completely and cannot do that without you.

What's his symptoms like? Any chance he's alcoholic?