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Original poster

Is my dh being unreasonable to ask me to stop drinking wine?

316 replies

40thisisit · 30/10/2014 19:06

I won't pretend that I don't love white wine and yes on occasion may drink too much. But it's my only vice in life. I work hard during the week (am a chemistry teacher), run twice a week, eat healthily and also have 3 dd's to look after. I see my wine time at weekends and school holidays as a little time for me to relax. He thinks I'm shortening my life and has said he's going to give up wine and wants me to join him. AIBU to tell him to go whistle???Wine

OP posts:
Meerka · 30/10/2014 20:12

Your post has a touch of the self-excusing about it, when I re-read it. I think you are not quite comfortable with the amount you're drinking, given the phrases you're using "yes on occasion may drink too much" "but it's my only vice" "a little time for me to relax" "I work hard"

Also, a partner giving up wine and hoping their partner will join them is a classic tactic for a desperate person trying to get their OH to give up.

Just sayin'

tunaandcheesesandwich · 30/10/2014 20:13

I would be upset if my DP drank that much every weekend. I think I would take it personally that he would need to drink such a large amount to relax on the weekend, when that is the only time we spend together. I know that if I drank a whole bottle of wine then I would be not just relaxed, but quite drunk!

carlsonrichards · 30/10/2014 20:14

5 drinks a day is not half a bottle of wine. MN is a parallel universe when it comes to things like this.

ScaryZ · 30/10/2014 20:19

Half a bottle of win is 5 units though, so a bottle is 10. Daily guidelines for women is 2-3 units a day, or 14 to 21 a week. The op is drinking the maximum weekly suggested amount in two days every week, with extra on top of that.

So it's a legitimate concern.

prettywhiteguitar · 30/10/2014 20:19

Tell him to go whistle.....

but I would see if you can go down to drinking half to 3/4 a bottle on your days at the weekend. If you're drinking the same every night your tolerance will be high. And that much in one go is worse in your liver.

I do think it should be down to you and not your dh

Elvish · 30/10/2014 20:20

Carlson you took the words out of my mouth, how can a bottle of wine be 10 glasses? 75ml each? I don't think so.

carlsonrichards · 30/10/2014 20:22

The government arbitrarily chose those guidelines. Are people really such sheep they believe everything the government tells them?

Iggly · 30/10/2014 20:22

You should at least respect your DH to consider why he's asking this of you.

I think you drink too much. Why not just a glass instead of a bottle?

Iggly · 30/10/2014 20:23

The government arbitrarily chose those guidelines

Er yeah right.

PoundingTheStreets · 30/10/2014 20:24

I can see both sides. You are clearly leading an active, productive and otherwise healthy lifestyle on which your occasional drinking has no impact - no hangovers, late for work, upsetting behaviour, etc. It's easy to say this isn't a problem because it's not having a negative impact on your life.

But it IS a risk to your long-term health, and however much you might want to say it's not a problem, the scientific fact is that you are drinking too much for your liver to cope with in one go on a regular basis (twice a week). THat could well lead to problems later on in life.

As for your DH being unreasonable, I think that would very much depend on his reasons for asking and the way in which he asks. If he loves you, is genuinely concerned for your health and is trying to be diplomatic in his efforts to get you to stop, I'd be touched rather than angry. If, OTOH, he's a controlling arse who likes having a stick to beat you with, I'd tell him where he could shove his suggestion. Either way, the only person who has the right to make the ultimate decision is you.

ScaryZ · 30/10/2014 20:25

I hope that if I was concerned about ds's drinking, concerned enough to discuss it with him, his reaction wouldn't automatically be "go whistle".

I hope he would at least talk to me about why I was concerned. And if he was drinking every Friday and Saturday night, to an extent that we didn't communicate, that would be a concern for me.

I'm always amazed by how defensive people get about how much they drink.

forago · 30/10/2014 20:25

are you saying you drink a whole bottle of wine by yourself at home 2 days in a row every week?

if so that sound like problem drinking to me.

Sickoffrozen · 30/10/2014 20:26

Half a bottle of wine is 5 drinks a day! Lol. If you drink out of thimble!

Mammanat222 · 30/10/2014 20:26

I don't think a bottle of wine is an overly massive amount in one evening, although depends on how it's drunk I guess.

I can open a bottle at say 7pm, have a glass while cooking dinner, a glass with my meal and then two (or three, depending on the glass size) more glasses whilst watching a film with OH, bottle finished by 11pm / Midnight?

Not feel at all pissed, no hang over, just my once a week treat to myself after a hard week

I don't drink at all at the moment but I do love my wine. However if my OH was asking me to stop / give it up I'd be asking serious questions as to why!

scarevola · 30/10/2014 20:29

"5 drinks a day is not half a bottle of wine. MN is a parallel universe when it comes to things like this."

It is if 1 drink means 1 unit.

9-10 units per bottle is pretty normal. (12% is 9 units according to the label of the one sitting next to me is to be believed).

crispandfruity · 30/10/2014 20:29

To a PP, there was a hoo ha in the news a few years ago because it transpired that the safe unit advice was literally pulled out of thin air.

Moln · 30/10/2014 20:29

A bottle in one night is a lot - and if it's a constant thing every Friday and Saturday he may have a point.

Do you have to drink on a Friday (or even a Saturday)? What I mean is how would you feel if you weren't going to be able to sit down with a glass of wine on either of those nights?

Health wise you'd be better off drinking one bottle throughout the week spreading it out over three or even four days.

Often I think we lie (unwittingly) to ourselves about how much we drink and what affect it has on us. Also people make excuses as it why it's OK to drink so much

Galvanized · 30/10/2014 20:32

Have you considered it from a childcare point of view? The three kids are 100% under his care if you're drinking that heavily. Bit unfair if you both work full time and you're leaving him to deal with bedtime fuss and night wake-ups? (Unless your kids are older than all that)

GiniCooper · 30/10/2014 20:33

5 UNITS of wine not 5 glasses.

holdyourown · 30/10/2014 20:34

I think one of the definitions of 'problem drinking' is if your drinking is starting to affect your relationships - I agree with pp who say they wouldn't be happy if their partner was drinking this much, every week

evelynj · 30/10/2014 20:36

I could easily & have for prolonged periods drank a bottle of wine a night as I love it.

I think 2 bottles of wine a week is really not that bad. That would be my 'normal' healthy non pregnant programme.

Moln · 30/10/2014 20:36

The 4-5 drinks in the region of Spain means the same unit at the UK

There are other recommendations in Spain that are lower, countries vary, I suppose it depends on the drinking culture of that country and how much alcohol effects the nations health as a whole.

GoatsDoRoam · 30/10/2014 20:38

You drink an entire bottle of wine to yourself, in one sitting?
And then do the same again the next day?
Every weekend?

That would definitely worry me.
I would not stay with a partner who drank that much.

Smartiepants79 · 30/10/2014 20:38

I think giving it up altogether is unecessesary. But a bottle in a night on a regular basis is quite a lot. Binging is more harmful to the body than a glass a night.
What about just cutting down to sharing the bottle over the 2 nights.
Make a pact to drink less. Your bidy will thank you.

RaisingMen · 30/10/2014 20:42

If it's effecting your marriage, it's too much.