How much child support do you receive from your ex (dc's dad) ?

[LargeMerlot]

Hi all

So me and my ex (dd's dad) have been separated for 2 and half years now. It's been tough, but amicable overall. We're both with new people now, so we've very much moved on.

The problem is, every month I have to badger him for some financial support. Some months he does it willingly and without any pushing, other months it can take ages for him to get back to me and he'll just ignore me and then ask me exactly what I'm spending it on. It's stupid! He knows I'm not going to spend any of it on me. I know it's just a stalling tactic and the thing is, I've been really reasonable with him. He's self employed and so I understand that one month he's more flush than the next, but then I would expect more the next month..........that's not wrong or too much to expect is it?

I suggested a few months a go that we agreed on £100 a month and that's happened for the first month, but then after that I had to keep reminding him of the date and that I genuinely really need it and that I'm not just being awkward or making a point. If he was just going through a really tough time financially, then I'd go easy on him, but the last couple of weeks when he picks dd up, he's bragging about the new watch he bought for a bargain at £200, or that he's just got himself a load of new clothes, or he's going away for a posh weekend with his gf. He works really hard and I don't begrudge him anything, but I do if it means that my dd isn't getting the money she needs. Me and my dp don't have any luxuries and we both work really hard. All our money goes on bills, rent etc and of course dd. When we've finished paying all that off, there's nothing, so it makes me angry when he comes in flashing his new things and I'm struggling to buy my dd a new pair of shoes.

I don't really know how to approach this. I don't want to get anyone else involved. I know my ex can be a bit of a nob, well a lot of a nob sometimes, but I didn't think this would keep happening.

Advice needed please. Or it would just be interesting to hear how much on average you receive in child support.

Thank you.

I don't get any. We do 50/50 and he has no money either, so it seemed a bit odd to ask.

My ex gives me £275/wk for the 2 kids. It was his choice and he is generous, but I can't believe what some men get away with. He is paying to help keep a roof over their heads which I wouldn't be able to do alone.

puds, it makes sense if you do 50/50 that you don't get any child support. I assume by 50/50, you mean you have them half the week and your ex has them the other?... My ex will usually only see my dd once a fortnight, sometimes once a week, but then his gf gets a bit jealous from the sounds of it, so he tends keep it to just once a fortnight. Nice.

Nothing whatsoever. DD is 13 and we've never had a penny.

Not a penny and he doesn't see DD at all.

my H paid 350/month in 1990's/noughties carried on through a-levels and paid uni accommodation.

£80 per month and he has him every weekend

Currently none because he changed his job and the csa are still doing the traces to find his new employer but he is building up arrears of £28.00 a week. If you know his rough income then use the csa website to get a calculation and then work from there but £100 a month sounds like he is taking the piss.

meant to add he was self employed too - but that money was top of the budget .. only thing equal was the mortgage

I get about £350 a month from XH fir two DC - he has a standing order set up for £400 and based on how much he's had them the previous month I pay him some back. As I work away sometimes and went on holiday last month he will have them more some months than others so I adjust it for each month.

Single, that does sound very generous, yes. I remember about 6 months to a year after we broke up and we first really discussed child support, he really surprised me, cos he was trying to get away with the absolute minimum and said that he'd been looking into where he would stand legally (or his ex had....there's been a few since me) and that he wouldn't need to give me any more than £60 a month! I mean, that's ridiculous isn't it?! I know he loves my dd to pieces, so all this just doesn't make any sense. I'm really really struggling atm. I've got her bday coming up, loads of school stuff and she's desperate for new clothes and shoes and of course, then there's christmas! I know I'm not the only one in this situation and I'm sure I'm lucky in lots of ways, but nevertheless, he's taking the piss isn't he?

DD is now 15, never had a penny from Ex but he does own a lovely house and has to pay for a brand new car every 3 years

My Ex lives a long way from me so she very reasonably has knocked off some of the child support I pay her to help with travel costs for me to see our dd. This means I pay about £180 per month, which is less than the Child Support Agency calculation. I make the payment at the beginning of every month by standing order.

He is taking the piss out of you, and your daughter.
With respect to those taking the time to post, don't base what is reasonable and fair based on the fact that there are plenty nasty selfish arseholes out there.

You say it's amicable - it's not. He is taking the piss - how is that amicable? Amicable has got you nowhere, except being expect to beg / chase / justify. What an arsehole.

Go onto the CSA / CMS calculator. Make a proposal to him based on that, to be paid on x date by standing order. The very first month it doesn't happen, or if he says it will be cash to you, do it officially through CMS.

You are not going hard line because you will be thinking about your relationship with him for your child. He's not thinking of it.

We receive the CSA rate, because I went through the CSA. They were actually really good.

Zilch. He works and gets paid well. .twunt

Sorry, cross posted with a lot of you there.

Seems like the general consensus is that he's not giving dd enough. I text him earlier today about when he was seeing dd this weekend and was all friendly and chatty, until I mentioned money. Haven't heard anything since then. This happens 80% of the time I reckon.

Oh and fWiW I get nothing, my own choice for various reasons. Though I told him to bank transfer half her childcare fees on 1st every month.
So I'm all for finding solutions that work, and I'm not all about the money
But he really won't stop being deliberately difficult.

Cabrin, maybe I just liked to think of it as amicable. I'm probably kidding myself really. It was anything but in the beginning, but then that changed pretty quickly and tbh, money was so far down on the list for the first few months and he was seeing her lots more than he does now.

Last weekend for example, he brings to show me, his new pedigree dog which costs hundreds and tells me what an amazing time he had in london with his gf and their mates, drinking in all the swanky bars etc. I was like "great! We stayed in and did fuck all like always"

I've been too soft haven't I. I think I was so worried about having a sour relationship with him, cos he really can make things very difficult and be really nasty when he wants to be.

£200 for 2 Dcs 11&16, only started in May/June. ExDP has the younger one every other weekend Saturday-Sunday (my older one prefers to stay at home these days)unless exDP and his girlfriend go away for the weekend.
My friends have been telling me for years he's taking the piss...I agree but try to keep the peace

I get £250 a month for my two DC aged 14 & 11. It's been this amount since we split in 2006.

He buys them odd clothes now and again, takes them on holiday and any major school trips we go halves on. It suits me fine, he's got a decent job and we earn roughly the same.

Not enough IMO. But I know he doesn't earn much, and has had 2 more DC since we split. So his money has to be stretched.

As it happens I am not in dire need of it- but if I were i would struggle to pay for 50% of DS on that amount.

Nothing.

DS1'a birth father (DS considers my DH to be his dad) hasn't been involved since shortly after DS's first birthday not that he contributed a penny up till then.

At the time he dropped contact, he went completely off the radar, left his job, his address and had his phone cut off, so even if I'd wanted to, I had no way of tracing him.

Had he not got the hell out of Dodge, I'd probably never have seen any money anyway as he was a consummate freeloader, even while boasting about the electronics and holidays he could afford with his mazing salary.

I suppose I could have pursued him through legal channels, but frankly, I considered the lost child support to be a small price to pay to be shot of him.

353 per month through CSA for two. Has not changed for 16 years though.

Does anyone know if they recalculate to factor in cost of living increases etc??

£5 per week.

And getting that was like getting blood out of a stone.