How much child support do you receive from your ex (dc's dad) ?

[LargeMerlot]

Hi all

So me and my ex (dd's dad) have been separated for 2 and half years now. It's been tough, but amicable overall. We're both with new people now, so we've very much moved on.

The problem is, every month I have to badger him for some financial support. Some months he does it willingly and without any pushing, other months it can take ages for him to get back to me and he'll just ignore me and then ask me exactly what I'm spending it on. It's stupid! He knows I'm not going to spend any of it on me. I know it's just a stalling tactic and the thing is, I've been really reasonable with him. He's self employed and so I understand that one month he's more flush than the next, but then I would expect more the next month..........that's not wrong or too much to expect is it?

I suggested a few months a go that we agreed on £100 a month and that's happened for the first month, but then after that I had to keep reminding him of the date and that I genuinely really need it and that I'm not just being awkward or making a point. If he was just going through a really tough time financially, then I'd go easy on him, but the last couple of weeks when he picks dd up, he's bragging about the new watch he bought for a bargain at £200, or that he's just got himself a load of new clothes, or he's going away for a posh weekend with his gf. He works really hard and I don't begrudge him anything, but I do if it means that my dd isn't getting the money she needs. Me and my dp don't have any luxuries and we both work really hard. All our money goes on bills, rent etc and of course dd. When we've finished paying all that off, there's nothing, so it makes me angry when he comes in flashing his new things and I'm struggling to buy my dd a new pair of shoes.

I don't really know how to approach this. I don't want to get anyone else involved. I know my ex can be a bit of a nob, well a lot of a nob sometimes, but I didn't think this would keep happening.

Advice needed please. Or it would just be interesting to hear how much on average you receive in child support.

Thank you.

£85 a month and we haven't seen him for almost 3 years now, so no contact, don't even know where he lives or the phone number he changed to!

Used to have to pay £425 a month but being self employed is rather convenient for him and the cms decided not to take his casual income from his evening paid fun (work) into account aswell

*earns.

Sorry OP. Ex pays me £330 a month for one DS. Not done through CSA, but exactly 15%.

He just doesn't earn a lot.

I guess it's hard to explain about our circumstance, our situation with his DS and the EXgf are.. Well, she's turned it into a game, if she resumes contact with DP and his DS there may be room for discussion about maintenance. ATM the amount we're paying out in solicitors fees because of her games, £7 a week is the max we can literally afford between bills and eating, whether it's enough or not.. she's done it to herself and all that matters to DP and myself is that his DS is NOT suffering financially.

What a load of bollocks.

Individual circumstances and whatnot.

Seriously, OP, you need to go through the Child Maintenance Service.

You're not being mean, it's his legal responsibility to pay the minimum. He's doing you all big disservice.

My DH pays 20% for one child. Which is a lot. But then DSS has always had what he wants in terms of music lessons, tuition etc. It's the right thing to do.
The CSA is your friend. Go to them and get what is right.

An attachment of earnings is only done where a nrp refuses to pay so it doesn't sound like you are being totally straight with us InToo.

This is an oft-quoted MN myth - a NRP can opt for an attachment of earnings (a fee is payable by them in addition to the deduction).

My ex has always done it and it's a pain in the arse because it can take weeks for the CSA to process the payments they receive from larger employers. The paymrnt to me is always a month behind and it has been 6-8 weeks between payments when there's been a clerical omission/error.

Another gourmet book-cooker here
£14/week which reduces every January when his latest fantasy accounts are filed. The nice people at the CSA practically begged me to think of something to prove that he is dishonest - but I'm at a loss as to how to report him to the Inland Revenue.
There's so much evidence online that his business is thriving but our son sees none of it.
He declared his new baby 3 hours after he was born to have payments reduced again...nice!

We negotiated a lump sum payment shortly after baby's birth in exchange for the termination of his parental rights. So I got it all upfront.

We get none, but I've never tried to pursue it as circumstances mean he wouldn't be liable for anything through CSA/CMS. We've always managed pretty well without it though and we've never had any kind of contact with him since pg, which suits us and we're happier to think of him not being part of our lives now.

Honestly I don't know about you ladies but I'm bloody tempted to give him the kids and $300 a month and let him see how he gets on. It's do bloody unfair

DH pays £450 per month for 2 kids, whom are with us 65% of the time. I pay for holidays, trips, music and tuition.
If we ever suggested that we shouldn't be paying maintenance under these circumstances contact would be stopped.

100 pound a month for one child which I think is fair.

Go through child maintenance service, they will calculate how much he should pay and legally he will have to. If he doesnt, report him. Every time.

That said, my ex has turned down a load of jobs to stay unemployed so i get £7 per week for our two children. He sees the kids once per fortnight or less.

I really feel for those here with exes who are fiddling the maintenance system. It's awful how they can just walk away from their kids and pay £5 a month.

40 pounds a week and never paid anything for childcare fees or clothes, shoes or school uniform. He is another self employed book cooker - his income has apparently dropped from 30k to less than 10k. As his best friend is his accountant and he used to always have no problem with only accepting cash, I am certain he is being fraudulent.

There is no way of proving this however, and tbh as he is highly abusive - it is not worth getting a fair deal as it would come at too high a cost.

I work and just about manage to keep the roof over our heads but it is a constant struggle

So basically if your ex is self employed and a bit of a tosser, you're screwed?.....

When I spoke to him last night, he was bragging about having work until this time next year and that his new gf will probably be on 60 k in a couple of years! Like I was supposed to be happy for them! I would be if he was making sure that our dd was being properly financially supported. He thinks £150 (when he can afford it) is fair, but I'm not really sure. He was supposed to transfer the money last night, but as of yet, nothing and I suspect I will have to chase him for it (again!) for the next week or so. Oh, or he'll take dd out on sunday and buy her lunch and take her ice skating or something and then say that he can't afford it, cos he's treated her.

I've really had enough!

His GF's income isn't relevant, LargeMerlot. My ex and his wife earn 120,000/130,000 euros between them. The maintenance is calculated on his income only.

He was assessed by the CSA when he lived in the UK and paid £200 a month for one child. A year later he moved abroad and continued to pay this (even though he found a better job) for ten years until he got pissed off and decided I wasn't grateful, then he stopped paying. I took him to court where they upped it to £330. They could only backdate it for a few months and I'm still waiting for the arrears. He doesn't pay for anything ds needs (uniform, shoes, activities, school fees etc), and hasn't sent ds so much as a Christmas card for the past couple of years.

For all of those who haven't had a recalculation for years, get them to do it. I wish I'd have done this earlier. While I struggled to feed and clothe ds he was living the high life - 2 houses, posh restaurants, hundreds of euros in jewellery shops etc. If I'd have asked for a recalculation when he found his new job, ds and I would have been tens of thousands better off.

Lady, no I know. If I were to take it as far as the CSA, I wouldn't expect her salary to be taken into account at all. I just find it extra infuriating when he's bragging about their finances, but then tells me he can't afford to give dd more. It gets my back up even more because my dp will go without on a daily basis (like me) to make sure that dd has everything she needs. Now I'm not expecting his gf to to the same, but it just seems warped that my dp will put themselves out so much and has even taken a second job to make ends meet a little easier, but her own dad would spend money on luxury items for him and his gf, before making sure his dd is taken care of.

I get you Ex's wife (married after he left the UK) posted the Christmas presents that they had bought their children and tagged him so they showed on ds's facebook feed. They really do live the highlife while I used to go without food so ds could eat. According to him (just before he stopped paying) he couldn't afford to increase the payments. He didn't say it was because they had just bought a second house!

This makes me so angry! If they genuinely can't afford to pay their own bills and are out of a job or whatever, fair enough, but to say they can't afford the payments because they've decided they need another house I mean, it's just beyond words isn't it.

Or more to the point, they didn't tell you that was the reason. Disgusting.

He didn't tell me because he knew I'd go nuts! I saw his bank statements and income/expenses (they have to hand these over if you're taking them to court). He was claiming poverty and claiming that charity donations, christmas presents to his siblings, holidays (one flight and hotel for a few days a month) etc were taking up his money He was happily paying for a child in the 3rd world to have breakfast, but not his own son. The court wasn't impressed when I pointed this out to them

It should be illegal for an absent parent to avoid paying maintenance, and should have the same punishment as child neglect. If I didn't feed by child I'd sure as hell expect him to be take off me and for me to be sent to prison, so why are absent parents not treated in the same way?

I know. I honestly do think that sometimes there's this attitude of putting the amount of child support down to the amount they see them iyswim. My dp can see my dd pretty much, as much as he likes, but he chooses not to see her more than once a fortnight. I remember in the beginning when I said we needed to sort out the money side of things, he instantly came back with "but she's going to live with you. You get all the good bits" So it's almost like he's paying me for the amount he has her. But then, as I said, he could see her more if he wanted.