How much child support do you receive from your ex (dc's dad) ?

[LargeMerlot]

Hi all

So me and my ex (dd's dad) have been separated for 2 and half years now. It's been tough, but amicable overall. We're both with new people now, so we've very much moved on.

The problem is, every month I have to badger him for some financial support. Some months he does it willingly and without any pushing, other months it can take ages for him to get back to me and he'll just ignore me and then ask me exactly what I'm spending it on. It's stupid! He knows I'm not going to spend any of it on me. I know it's just a stalling tactic and the thing is, I've been really reasonable with him. He's self employed and so I understand that one month he's more flush than the next, but then I would expect more the next month..........that's not wrong or too much to expect is it?

I suggested a few months a go that we agreed on £100 a month and that's happened for the first month, but then after that I had to keep reminding him of the date and that I genuinely really need it and that I'm not just being awkward or making a point. If he was just going through a really tough time financially, then I'd go easy on him, but the last couple of weeks when he picks dd up, he's bragging about the new watch he bought for a bargain at £200, or that he's just got himself a load of new clothes, or he's going away for a posh weekend with his gf. He works really hard and I don't begrudge him anything, but I do if it means that my dd isn't getting the money she needs. Me and my dp don't have any luxuries and we both work really hard. All our money goes on bills, rent etc and of course dd. When we've finished paying all that off, there's nothing, so it makes me angry when he comes in flashing his new things and I'm struggling to buy my dd a new pair of shoes.

I don't really know how to approach this. I don't want to get anyone else involved. I know my ex can be a bit of a nob, well a lot of a nob sometimes, but I didn't think this would keep happening.

Advice needed please. Or it would just be interesting to hear how much on average you receive in child support.

Thank you.

£100 a week for 3DC, so £33 each a year.

His access is about 34hrs a week, half of which they're asleep

£33 a week

Your difficulty is not only how much/little you're getting, but the haphazard arrangement of when/how the funds reach you.

I had this difficulty with my ex - I suggested that he pay £200pm for the 2dcs. I went onto the CLA website and did a calculation based on what I knew his income to be.

It was agreed that he would pay on the 1st of the month. However, he used to make the payment manually despite me requesting again and again that he set up a standing order. The payment would wing its way to me any time from about the 6th of the month to the 25th! This would be after various reminders from me.

Finally I took the bull by the horns and said that if he didn't set up a standing order within the next three days I would put it into the hands of the CSA. I pointed out that I would still get my £200 via them and he'd also have to pay them a fee per month so he'd end up out of pocket.

He set up the standing order pretty sharpish after that and things have gone pretty seamlessly since then.

I suggest you issue him with a similar ultimatum.

Really shocked at the amounts on here tbh.

DH pays £700 per month to Ex (they were not married) voluntarily plus most of any school trips, pocket money etc

Don't begrudge a penny of it - who wants to be with someone who won't take responsibility for their kids emotionally and financially?

Truly shocked at how little some men pay

So I did a CSA calculator and it turns out I should be getting £90 a week! I just called him, cos i knew he wasn't going to text back and I told him that I think the amount needs to increase and obviously he didn't take to the idea that well. I didn't the CSA, as if I can, I still just want to keep it between the two of us, but I did say that it was completely unfair that we're working just as hard and are struggling with the basic food bills, but he's going off on mini breaks and treating himself to designer clothes. He's agreed to up the monthly amount, but it's not by that much. It's weighing things up isn't it. Ie, is it better to have more money, with him being a prick about it, or have less and have him be more civil?

*I didn't say anything about the CSA...

Should be £5 per week. However, the Benefits agency seem unable to deduct the money properly so since this started 3 months ago I have had amounts ranging from £1.75 to £4.63 per fortnight. And, no, ex-husband isn't rushing to make up the shortfall. From September 2012 up until then I received nothing.

He pays £438 per month for two, only when I got child maintenance involved
He wanted to pay less as he had just bought a new car....shame
Always has new clothes on and out all the time with new gf, he won't have them overnight ever or past 6:30pm so I can go out at night.

I get £100 a month which is his share of nursery and a bit that I save for her shoes. I have 4 nights and he has her 3.

£5 a week and only because the CSA eventually managed to track the arse down through his benefits. He has been on said benefits for over 2 years now, thought I know he works cash in hand on a decent wage (sadly cannot prove it). He will continue to work cash in hand until he no longer needs to pay child support, because that's just how much of a shite he is.

He owes me thousands in back support

When dd was a toddler, I had weeks where I was literally choosing between putting money on the electricity meter so that I could heat our old flat in the midst of a Scottish winter, or use the money to buy some food. When there was no money, I used to walk up to my parents' house under the guise of another surprise visit so that we could stay in a warm house for a few hours and have some dinner.

I'm not bitter about it, but I do genuinely hope that he comes back in his next life as a slug

He'll be paying an extra 20% in fees if you have to go via CSA plus I think theres an arrangement fee etc. per letter they have to send.

He really needs to set up a standing order so that you can plan. You need to find a way to clearly express what you need. Email?

There is no reason he can't pay maintenance by standing order and be civil. Its financial bullying on his part if anything else is implied.

The CSA website has, certainly used to, some standard informal maintenance contracts you can use to set up an agreement with.

Dh pays £800 a month for 1 child with whom we have no contact. Mother's choice to stop contact despite court order after court order, afterall she gets a nice financial reward via an increase in maintenance for stopping contact.

There are scumbags on both sides of the coin in these scenarios.

Lurker here I get £100 a month for 4 children, he's self employed (fiddles his books) and that's the csa minimum, he's said he'll pay half towards trips, but doesn't so I pay for all uniforms, trips, clothing & a particular sporting activity (that he started sending them to, when we were together) while he has nights out, weekends away & generally splashes his cash and did I mention that he has no overnights & refused to feed them dinner unless I accept a reduced maintenance payment or give him the money to feed them grrrr yes he was & still tries to be a controlling ea twunt lol

DDs dad paid sporadic amounts from when she was two until she was 4. Then nothing at all until she was about 9 when the CSA managed to get £5 a week from him, and have done ever since even though he is raking it in as self employed and always swanking off on holiday.

Wow, the amounts vary so much! Can't believe some are getting as much as £800 for one dc and some of you are getting £5 a week! That seems absolutely insane! I understand they have to take salary into account of course, but a fiver?! Just seems insulting to me.

£250 a MONTH for 3 children, he doesn't really see them. He buys them a Christmas and birthday present but does not pay them anything else.

A fiver IS insulting. It may as well be nothing. But when they cook their books and are completely incapable of reasonable or reliable communication or payment without going through the SCA then there is very little that can be done.

I always find it amazing that these dads who pay nothing/very little aren't worried about what their kids will think of them when they are older and find out what they have done.
I would refuse to have any relationship with my dad if he'd done such a thing to my mum.

The dads tend to have a script.

I didn't pay money to your mum because....

• She stopped me from seeing you
• She would have spent it all on drink
• She used it to go out clubbing
• She would spend it all on designer clothes / pets / holidays with her boyfriends
• I had no job because she drove to a breakdown
• She lied about where you all lived
• She reported me maliciously to the tax office and they took all my money
• a big boy came and pushed me in a puddle

Etc

Insulting is true.

I feel like posting a picture of DS who is currently caring for three two week old kittens in the most lovely way possible and asking if you guys think he's work more than a fiver a week...

£5 a fortnight.

Slightly off topic here, but I always wonder about the women these guys who refuse to care for their children are thinking?
I mean the ones they get together with after they've neglected their child?

And paying out so that your child has a roof over their head/food on the table/warm clothes is caring.

While I'm sure some one them are lying through their arses claiming they give all their money to their ex/children.

But in a long term relationship surely they must know?
Do they think that if they split, he'll be different?

I get nothing as he's a ft student - so will get nothing until at least July 2017, but he's informed me that he's planning on doing a masters and pgce so it's more likely to be nothing until the summer of 2019, or if he goes into teaching it'll be the September of then.

The two children, in the meantime, can obviously manage on fresh air

0p a week for ten years now.

His 3rd wife is a solicitor who got him to stop his self employed work for 6 months so he could submit zero income on his books to the CSA.He doesn't make any effort to see or contact his child and uses this and some of the other excuses above. I asked him if he was OK with paying the zero the CSA came up with and he said "that's what they've told me to pay,and I won't pay any more till they say different." When I was with him I always used to make sure he paid towards his first son,paying myself if necessary. Wife number 2 then paid my sons maintenance £28/ week when she took over the ex which is sweet. When they split up the money stopped,about 10 years ago now.

My DP pays £500 a month to his two. Via CSA but he pays more than he needs to as one has SN, and we didn't declare our DS when he was born so payments didn't shrink.
£500 a month is a struggle for us, but I got together with a guy who has kids and I have absolutely no issue with supporting them.