How much child support do you receive from your ex (dc's dad) ?

[LargeMerlot]

Hi all

So me and my ex (dd's dad) have been separated for 2 and half years now. It's been tough, but amicable overall. We're both with new people now, so we've very much moved on.

The problem is, every month I have to badger him for some financial support. Some months he does it willingly and without any pushing, other months it can take ages for him to get back to me and he'll just ignore me and then ask me exactly what I'm spending it on. It's stupid! He knows I'm not going to spend any of it on me. I know it's just a stalling tactic and the thing is, I've been really reasonable with him. He's self employed and so I understand that one month he's more flush than the next, but then I would expect more the next month..........that's not wrong or too much to expect is it?

I suggested a few months a go that we agreed on £100 a month and that's happened for the first month, but then after that I had to keep reminding him of the date and that I genuinely really need it and that I'm not just being awkward or making a point. If he was just going through a really tough time financially, then I'd go easy on him, but the last couple of weeks when he picks dd up, he's bragging about the new watch he bought for a bargain at £200, or that he's just got himself a load of new clothes, or he's going away for a posh weekend with his gf. He works really hard and I don't begrudge him anything, but I do if it means that my dd isn't getting the money she needs. Me and my dp don't have any luxuries and we both work really hard. All our money goes on bills, rent etc and of course dd. When we've finished paying all that off, there's nothing, so it makes me angry when he comes in flashing his new things and I'm struggling to buy my dd a new pair of shoes.

I don't really know how to approach this. I don't want to get anyone else involved. I know my ex can be a bit of a nob, well a lot of a nob sometimes, but I didn't think this would keep happening.

Advice needed please. Or it would just be interesting to hear how much on average you receive in child support.

Thank you.

Oh dear, I appear to have opened a large can of worms

Well, I know what you mean. When he told me a couple of years a go that if I took it further I'd only be entitled to £60 a month, I asked how he knew and he said that his then gf had looked into it. Bloody hell, looking back I've put up with way too much! I'm naturally quite a strong and feisty woman, so I have no idea why I've allowed this crap for so long. Anyway, his current gf is probably hearing a different story, so god knows what she thinks or what she suggests he does. He has a tendancy to lie very easily, so he's probably painted a very false picture of me.

Oh and another thing, if he's especially flush, he might take dd out to go shopping and buy her a load of rubbish, which either doesn't fit her, or she hates and won't wear and then he'll tell me that he's spent £££'s on clothes for her, so I can't expect any more. This is absolutely stupid, because he hasn't got a clue what she needs and will just buy her the most impractical things. When I suggested that he just gave me the clothes money, he hit the roof and said that he wasn't an idiot. Well, that's sometimes up for questioning, but it's not about that. He just doesn't seem to have a clue how to manage the money. A wasted shopping spree once every 2 months is as much use as a chocolate teapot!

Big fat zero, but two weeks ago I reported the circumstances to the CMS, so we'll see. Probably still zero as I have my doubts about their effectiveness.

We've been split just over a year, he thinks he shouldn't have to pay a bean as he says to me "they've got you" (I work FT and he works with his dad when he fancies to, cash in hand and I believe claims job seekers illegally). He also "advised" me to "give up work and claim benefits like everyone else" if I was hard up.

He is a cunt.

DP pays £318 a month through the CSA for three DC.

£100 in the last 12 months, 2 DC, he has them overnight on a Saturday. He promises money then always comes up with an excuse or shoves a red bill in my face saying he can't afford it. Sometimes I have to send nappies and wipes.
£50 a month would be fine by me until they start school and I need to but uniform etc but even that's too much.

Another one with £2.50/ wk

£250 a month for one dc. It used to be the csa minimum of £340 but he buggered back off abroad and so unilaterally decided to reduce the amount to allow for his monthly travel to see her. I suspect that 50% of the time his company pays for that though, as he often seems to be on business before or after his contact visit.

None.

Ie, is it better to have more money, with him being a prick about it, or have less and have him be more civil?
Go through CSA and have it out of his hands, and yours too. It should stop being an issue, because at the moment it's just another thing to beat you with.

As for mine, he was ordered by court to pay 100 euros (I think) per month, and according to my solicitor it's a crime not to pay.
He hasn't paid anything, but he lives in the UK (I don't), and I'm sure he has come here on holiday, but it will soon be 2 years since he last was with his son.
Oh, that the the small matter of the criminal case for DV.

YellowTulips - "Truly shocked at how little some men pay"

I'd love to pay more, but if I did I wouldn't have any money to be able to visit my dd. Hopefully I will soon have a better paying job, and then I'd certainly be paying more.

Do not receive a penny for DC never have
No contribution to anything
He has them one weekend a month if I'm lucky and has asked for petrol money in the past
Hes a cheeky, tightarsed fuckwit cannot believe I pro created with such a nob

We offered DP EXgf £30 a week for his DS. She kicked shit and said that's not enough blah blah blah, I'm going to get the CSA involved. She now recieves exactly £7 a week because she's an evil cow who stops contact and basically, she shot herself in the foot getting the CSA involved!

I paid my ex wife 900€ month for our 3 children fifteen years ago. Some of the guys on here seem to think their parental responsibility stops at ejaculation !!

InTooDeepKid. Nice.

InTooDeep, just curious, do you feel your ex's kids should suffer financially because she is an evil cow?

Mm

No it's not nice.. And not enough by anyone's standards. BUT solarsum if he was suffering it would probably be a different situation, but due to the fact that she has more disposable income per week (thanks to the lovely taxpayer) than me and DP collectively have per month.. Different kettle of fish altogether that one, don't get me started

That's irrelevant to the CSA calculation. You sound addled.

I guess what I'm trying to say is DP is on a very low income and works every hour god sends. Technically it has nothing to do with me, gets taken out of DP wages before it goes to him, the point I was making was she was offered enough and turned it down.

Oh and that he's not suffering financially as solasum suggested.

I get £180 a month for 2 DC's. I'd get more but the csa took pity on him living with someone who had kids already (not his) so they reduced it by about 40%.

Why are his wages garnished?

If he feels his son would benefit from £30 a week why doesn't he just move on and pay it anyway? It's not a board game.

Sorry rock that was to pp

Sorry InToo, but if your P offered an amount to his ex, presumably it was an amount he decided was affordable. It is just petty point scoring not to give it to ex because he is not forced to. It is also utterly irrelevant if she warns more than you do, your P still has an obligation to contribute to the upkeep of his child, and £7 a week is clearly not doing that. Do as you would be done by, and all that.

An attachment of earnings is only done where a nrp refuses to pay so it doesn't sound like you are being totally straight with us InToo.