The OW: what was she like?

[springchickennolonger]

Just curious, really. There's an OW in stbx's life. I know nothing about her, nor shown any real curiosity (yet). Been reading up on the matter, mainly on relationship forums, and I've become curious about OW in general, and particularly what they have that the cheated-on partner doesn't.

I've come across a view that states that men who have affairs "affair down" (not my words). I was kind of assuming that an OW would be more fun, more attractive, and (in my case!) younger, so I was surprised that this may not be the case after all.

So, for those of you who have been ousted for or threatened by an OW (or OM, of course), what did that person have that you didn't (in the eyes of your partner, obviously).

Just curious!

Bits, you seem to have a very narrow view of women - I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are very young and quite naive.

I have been very successful in my career - I have worked in a very male dominated environment for just short of 20 years now; often I was the only female, or one of two, and my job involvement deploying with the men I worked with. I have always earned roughly the same as my husband and whilst his job is office based, mine is technical (I am an aircraft engineer).

He chose to have an affair because the ow was:
Available
Adoring
Needed him (I didn't need him, I was perfectly able to function independently)
Was not intelligent, so made him feel clever.
Was very bland so made him feel funny.
Did a 'lesser' job than him, so he didn't feel as emasculated as he did with me.

I didn't 'ignore' the 'signs', I chose to believe what I now know were lies. I did that because I am an honest person and expected honesty from my husband - and I trusted him, why would I not?
I didn't 'get my bills paid' because I was independently successful.

Perhaps it is you who should navel gaze as to why you choose attached people, why women don't seem to like you.
I could have affairs if I choose to - I have a large pool of men at work to choose from - but I choose not to.
I am and have been friends with numerous women, including many of the wives/girlfriends of the men I've worked with over the last 20 years.

Younger, pretty and a nice person after I have got to know her. He did well!

She was an OW without knowing at first. He lied to her. By the time she find out she was hooked but to be fair she did say he should try and work it out and ended things until he had cut ties with me or made a go of it. Of course when he told me, it was too late as I really didn't want to be with him any more. We had literally outgrown each other. His affair was the push I needed to end things and was the best thing for all concerned.

This was 15 years ago and we are all good friends now. We never speak about this but I don't hold any grudges. Life is too short.

Bits I would much rather prefer a fwb than a mm.

Can't see the attraction being someone's fuck vessal, especially knowing that he/she is deceitful and untrustworthy.

I do think people change and I personally am doing lots of things that I never would have with my ex.

I missed the numerous affairs over thirty years, missing signs that I had no idea I should be looking for, because .......

the OW at the end of our relationship was the first OW. He claimed her very publicly, within weeks of my discovering his 'other' activities, and they are still together because she has taken over the role of 'perfect camouflage'.
She strokes his ego, plays cook and bottle washer, is easily controlled and dominated, and has been just as easily trained as I was. She is also petrified of losing him to another woman while being blissfully unaware that women are not the threat. It is almost like looking in a mirror - other than that I really don't think she is particularly intelligent, whereas I was certainly his equal and just learned to hide it.

I seriously considered telling her - just because no woman should have to live, unknowingly, in such a relationship ( if you know, and choose to stay, then that is free choice and a different discussion )
In the end, given that she embarked on the relationship knowing full well that he was still married, with children, I cba.

Absolutely stunning. Gorgeous, winning smile, pretty hair, lovely person. Interesting, arty, caring, sweet. Also a lot younger, a bit needy, depressive, a bit manipulative.

Traits we share: hair colour, height, interests, low-ish self esteem.

I don't know her that well though.