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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Toad's Solicitor phoned me at home unannounced after hours this evening

984 replies

Karenthetoadslayer · 22/10/2014 22:43

I thought this would call for a new thread.

As I was preparing the children's dinner, the phone rang and guess who it was? Toad's solicitor, to have a chat about contact.

I am a friendly and polite person, also was in shock, so I complied and explained to him the children's views on their father.

DS thought I was 'cool'. Confused.

You never know what will happen at the moment.

OP posts:
Starlightbright1 · 10/12/2014 20:14

Can I make a suggestion...You seem to be replying to things that you have no reason to reply to.

Anything that doesn't need to be replied to simply ignore. If he escalates inform the police.

Lweji · 10/12/2014 20:21

I fully agree that you should be doing your best to move out. It removes a lot of the stress you are under and a big target for the abuse.

And although I suggested replies too, it has been mostly in jest. You really shouldn't be reading his emails so regularly, never mind replying.
Read them all in one go, once a week or so, or give them to someone else to screen.
You told him not to contact you, so ignore the emails.

Finally, forget being reasonable. He's not, so you're not playing the same game. Protect yourself and your sanity.
Keeping in touch with WA is a good idea.

Karenthetoadslayer · 10/12/2014 21:03

Small obstacle: ACAS have confirmed that I would have to take him to a tribunal to get the money in one lump sum. Can take months.

'Squatters' just about sums it up. Sad

Toad is right now working on his take on CMS - 'proving' to them that he has no money.

OP posts:
Karenthetoadslayer · 10/12/2014 21:15

Do you not think that he has mapped it all out? I wish it was so easy.

He is making 100% sure that I will not get my hands on any considerable amount of money. He knows that I would just run. He has always fine this and he has always known that I would escape if I had any funds to do this.

OP posts:
IthoughtATMwasacashpoint · 10/12/2014 21:15

The money he's paying to stay in a hotel plus meals and laundry etc would have paid the rent on a one bedroomed flat for him at least twice over, so pleading poverty isn't likely to work.

Why does he suddenly feel the need to sort out the garage? He can wait until you move out. Are you absolutely sure he has no keys to the house?

Karenthetoadslayer · 10/12/2014 21:16

*done (I have several language versions on my keyboard, confusing autocorrect).

OP posts:
Karenthetoadslayer · 10/12/2014 21:19

I changed the main key. He has other spare keys, but we checked with the police that these cannot be opened from the outside with a key inside.

It is reasonable to empty out the garage, for a change.

I have to let him have access with a 48 hour notice upon agreement.

OP posts:
IthoughtATMwasacashpoint · 10/12/2014 21:30

Can WA advise you on any possible way you could move out? There must be something that can be done to get you away from him

Karenthetoadslayer · 10/12/2014 22:15

ATM you make it sound as though I am back to square one. Sad

OP posts:
dunfightin · 10/12/2014 22:42

Hey, don't despair. You have the stuff to prove to CMS that he can afford hotel etc. It may be slow but in the end you will get the dosh - from the moment you put the application in.
I think you could argue that since he has ramped up stuff i.e. abusive emails then you don't have to be 'reasonable' re access. What is in the garage anyway?
Take him to a tribunal, ask on employment page here - there are some legal types/HR who know how to do this.
If he loses does he have to pay costs? Toad is not self-employed, he has to file accounts for his company so company's house is your friend - it's all there. If you have his NI number then they can get to tax returns. You might have to do some of the CMS' work but once they've got it then it'll be hard for him to wriggle out.
Not so sure there is a complete strategy for Toad because he won't have played out the scenario where you don't roll over and accept his ultimatums. That is where they fail because they honestly don't get that there may be another point of view and one that is backed up by legislation.

WellWhoKnew · 10/12/2014 22:51

KOKO Karen. New Year, new solution and all that. 2014 has really been a long year for you, but it doesn't mean that 2015 will go the same way and all that.

WWK.

Karenthetoadslayer · 10/12/2014 22:52

I am fully aware that I have a fight on my hands to brief CMS and appeal their initial assessment. I have already requested the relevant forms to apply for a variation, as a pp advised.

With the redundancy - this may well be paid, before it comes to a hearing.

In company's house, his balance sheets look suspiciously nondescript. Carefully engineered, I suspect.

My saving grave is that I have his not so full and frank financial disclosure. With a signature. I was surprised myself.

OP posts:
Karenthetoadslayer · 10/12/2014 22:53

Hi WWK I was just going to show off that I have an undersigned Form E 1. I double checked.

OP posts:
Karenthetoadslayer · 10/12/2014 22:54

*grace

OP posts:
WellWhoKnew · 10/12/2014 23:23

Pah! I am strangely jealous. So far he's signed the.....

....narrative statement!

Which is mostly cut and paste from his CV. People get annoyed on here about paragraph-deficient people, imagine having to read four pages without breathing!

Here's my Christmas carol stealth boast right back at ya!

On the First day of Separation my fuckwit sent to me
a Petition by way of Form D

On the Second day of Separation my fuckwit stated to me
Two Years separation
in a Petition by "quickie divorcee"

On the Third day of Separation my fuckwit sent to me
Three Form Es
Two pages of decrees
and a Petition approved by court-ey...

On the Fourth day of Separation my fuckwit sent to me
a finally signed Form E
Three further decrees
Two questionnaire-seys
Not one with his own signatur-ey

On the Fifth day of Separation my fuckwit sent to me
A finally signed statement-ey
Four pages of narrative-ey
Three decrees of fuckwittery
Two solicitors see
Can't control the imbecil-ey.

On the Sixth day of Separation his "shs" sent to me
Five pages of interrogations
Four repeated questions
Three false allegations
Two pages of deficiencies
And copy of the nisi

On the seventh day of Separation
WWK had a rest from it all.

That's four form E's, One Answers to questionnaire, replies to three schedules of deficiencies and one narrative statement.

Only two documents are signed.

The Form Ev4 by the shs. It looks like this ~
And his narrative statement! Which looks like this f^4@w&t^

She does sign all her questionnaires/SoDs to me though. So I wonder if they both think they have found a loop-hole.

Karenthetoadslayer · 10/12/2014 23:29

I nearly woke up the children, laughing. Flowers Thank you for posting this.

OP posts:
Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 11/12/2014 00:48

I might be stating the bleeding obvious here, but I think your delaightful exes are both fucking around so much to try and get you both to just give up and sod off. Angry

WellWhoKnew · 11/12/2014 01:29

It is the bleeding obvious thumb that needs stating though (thank you).

It's been close at times this week for me. It's not hard, from reading this thread, that you, Karen, are of the same mind too.

But as you well know, neither of us can afford to give up. It is now down to 'no other option'.

It is always darkest before dawn, they say.

It is a whole level of frustration that I've never experienced before. "Just a game of chess" as some may say.

But, and I'll say this out, loud and proud, if it weren't for your (Karen's) amazing intellect, humour and support behind the scenes (as well as that of others) I could.

I KOKO, and you Karen, are a big part of that. So the others behind the scenes KOKO. And because of them, I KOKO.

KOKO.

Karenthetoadslayer · 11/12/2014 06:58

Agree, WWK: Thumb you are stating the obvious, absolutely, but it needs to be said. Keep reminding me. Flowers

Thank you for your lovely post, WWK.

A new day, let's get on with it.

OP posts:
MillionToOneChances · 11/12/2014 10:30

Don't let the bastards get you down.

Toad's Solicitor phoned me at home unannounced after hours this evening
Karenthetoadslayer · 11/12/2014 10:54

'If you are planning to be away from the house at all over Christmas, please let me know urgently. I have nowhere to
stay at the moment as the hotel is closed from Christmas Eve for 3 days. If you are not at Toad Hall, I can doss down
there, save some money and sort out the bathroom.'

Shock Shock Shock

I read the emails now. Toad's vocab is getting worse, as Jux said.

OP posts:
dawntigga · 11/12/2014 10:59

Karen you couldn't make this shit up.

DelusionsAboundTiggaxx

Didactylos · 11/12/2014 12:38

'I have nowhere to stay at the moment as the hotel is closed from Christmas Eve for 3 days'

this is your problem how?

there are of course no other hotels/B&Bs etc, and he has no money to pay for them? or are they all booked up in Bethlehem?
(and of course if he had set up a flat or house like any normal person would have in the situation this would not be a problem)

WellWhoKnew · 11/12/2014 13:04

I dare you to write back and suggests he books into a hotel for those three days Grin

Karenthetoadslayer · 11/12/2014 13:26

I replied only 'I won't be able to accommodate you during the Christmas period'. or any other time for that matter 'doss' ???

OP posts: