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Original poster

ok...im obsessed!

112 replies

shade101 · 16/10/2014 23:28

I seriously have no clue whatsoever on what to do.

Met an absolute gorgeous man in a party, right away the chemistry between us was unbelievable. He literally wouldn't take his eyes off me. So, after party, we kissed, exchanged contacts and we parted ways. I couldn't stop thinking about him all week(yes we were texting and all).
Second week, date and clubbing. We kissed and i couldn't resist spending the night with him. I never wanted a shag cause i was scared he'd abandon me after, so i was honest with him that i have trust and insecurity issues from my past and he suggested we have a "teaser!) Smile and take things slow.

Holy Moses! did i ever hear from him again?? No. I'm fuming, confused, in-love, obsessed and I don't know what on earth I should do about it. He ignored a couple of my calls and texts...its been 2wks now. I just want him back, perhaps for a full shag and call it off.I need to finish what we started.
Pleeease tell me the hell I should do....i feel like I've lost it all. He never said why he just wont talk to me. Anything I could message him to get him just to talk? Its crushed my self esteem, I cant move on until I get what I want. May be i have a problem.....who knows. Shit, I'm fucked. Sad Sad

OP posts:
Squidstirfry · 16/10/2014 23:36

The best thing to do is let go of this fantasy.
You met a bloke a few times, thought he was God, turns out he was a twat.
Nevermind!

YouAreMyRain · 16/10/2014 23:37

I imagine he's very charming. But he's just not that in to you.

Some people get their kicks from treating people badly. He sounds like one of them.

Maybe you gushed over him too much and scared him off?

For your own future self protection, do not admit to insecurities so early on! It makes you vulnerable and horrible people will know how to exploit your weaknesses.

DO NOT CONTACT HIM!

Try to move on, pick up your self respect and please, PLEASE don't even think about contacting him.

YouAreMyRain · 16/10/2014 23:41

Maybe he prefer the challenge of chasing women who play harder to get? Maybe he just likes the chase? Maybe he's got 100s of other women on the go?

If he wanted to contact you he would. Even if you could think of a magic formula to get him to meet up again, you would be unable to just shag him because you would want more. What would that do for your self esteem anyway that you had to work hard to get him to contact or see you?

Do not do the "pick me" dance.

MysteryMan1 · 17/10/2014 00:03

Sorry he's not that into you. He had his fun, probably loved the attention and laughed at your desperation. Hate to be so hard but you really need to pull yourself together and forget him.

Sounds like you made a poor judgement in thinking he was amazing when he was just a twat and not worth your time. You are better than this and better than him so I would look for someone in your league rather than a couple of rungs below...

BeCool · 17/10/2014 00:04

He rejected you when you didn't sleep with him on 2nd date. He is telling you very clearly that he isn't interested in you as a person, though he was interested in you for a shag. BELIEVE HIM!

he has done you a favour - you might not see it just now, but you will soon.

You aren't in love, but obsessed. And he was never yours to get back - squid said it all very concisely - reread her post over and over.

In the meantime, it might be a good time to take up running or something else quite physical/knackering that makes you feel good afterwards?

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 00:08

Aah thanks for advice, I never "gushed" at him too much. Trust me, I played hard to get but, soon after he went in and out, he fucked off with his ego and left me with a crushed self esteem. Yes, no contact rule...should apply but I feel like I should try one more bit to see if there's any chance. I just don't get it, someone suffocates me with love and attention and snap! he is no more. If no full shag, then I need to know why he changed overnight. Shit! Men are from mars but this one must be from Jupiter....too complicated!

OP posts:
Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 00:12

Thanks squid so true but hey, hard to apply. Will try. Confused

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MysteryMan1 · 17/10/2014 00:14

You felt something that he didn't. Life is like that sometimes-not just in love but jobs and countless other cases.

Do you think he is really posting on a forum about you at gone midnight? I would forget it-pick yourself up and go find a decent bloke FFS!!

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 00:14

May be he got shit scared of my "pre sex talk!" You know, 50 shades of Grey may have damaged my sex life.....#thinking

OP posts:
BeCool · 17/10/2014 00:15

Hey - don't blame yourself for his issues and failures.

Sounds to me like you have had a lucky escape. Though do be prepared for him popping up in your life again at some point with a post pub booty call.

I feel like I should try one more bit to see if there's any chance.
Any chance of what? Dragging your self esteem even lower than he has done already?

It's not love he was showering you with - probably charm, designed to conceal his true intentions and self and get you into bed.

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 00:15

Bit harsh mysteryMan1

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MysteryMan1 · 17/10/2014 00:18

Harsh but fair I think ;). Look, I am being blunt- you sound like a lovely woman who obviously cares and thinks about things whilst he does not.

You are the prize here-tell him to fuck off and find someone who will treat you properly! It shouldn't be that hard :)

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 00:19

Thank you BeCool , meant a chance to talk and understand why he just drifted off without a word. Just to know what crime did i commit in my words and actions, that's all.

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helpmekeepstrong · 17/10/2014 00:20

Do not try 'one more bit'. Two dates. He was toying with you to feed his ego. He did not suffocate you with 'love'. He's a player.

MysteryMan1 · 17/10/2014 00:21

No crime on your part. Stop over thinking it. He is a twat and you did no wrong. You need to just be yourself and people should take you as you are so no need to think what you did or didn't do...maybe he thought you were too good for him and got frightened?

handfulofcottonbuds · 17/10/2014 00:22

The worst thing you can possibly do is ask, "what did I do wrong".

You've done nothing, he saw you a couple of times, you told him you have trust issues, you had a teaser and now he's moved on.

I do agree with mysteryman - although I might not have used ffs Wink

BeCool · 17/10/2014 00:23

You didn't commit any crime - he's an arse, he's not that into you, he's not looking for a relationship, combination of all three and more.

Even is you did get to talk with him chances are you won't get an honest answer from this person. He "drifted off" because he wanted to. Please please don't turn this against yourself. It's not you, it's him.

I agree also with MM - you deserve better.

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 00:24

MysteryMan I really do care about how I treat people, perhaps that's why I need to understand if I wronged him.,or he is just another charmin "wham bam thank you mam"

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MysteryMan1 · 17/10/2014 00:25

Cottonbuds, I have had a couple and am in a "straight talking mood"! Anyway I am off to bed or I will be no use to anyone in 6 hours.

Shade-be strong and don't listen to your daft thoughts!

BeCool · 17/10/2014 00:25

There is also the possibility that he is in a relationship.

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 00:26

Make me feel so much better reading all your comments, I need to forget and move on.

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 17/10/2014 00:26

mysteryman Grin sometimes it's needed

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 00:27

Goodnight MysteryMan

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MysteryMan1 · 17/10/2014 00:28

Who cares if you "wronged" him? He has wronged you hasn't he? And yes, sounds like he just wanted sex but didn't get it and couldn't be bothered after that to come after it.

Maybe he got it of someone else but honestly, why do you give a flying fuck?!! You need a bit of confidence and some self esteem...

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 00:29

Will have to focus on my paintings as of tomorrow. Wasted alot of time thinking about someone who doesn't care about my feelings......BrewBiscuit

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