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Original poster

ok...im obsessed!

112 replies

shade101 · 16/10/2014 23:28

I seriously have no clue whatsoever on what to do.

Met an absolute gorgeous man in a party, right away the chemistry between us was unbelievable. He literally wouldn't take his eyes off me. So, after party, we kissed, exchanged contacts and we parted ways. I couldn't stop thinking about him all week(yes we were texting and all).
Second week, date and clubbing. We kissed and i couldn't resist spending the night with him. I never wanted a shag cause i was scared he'd abandon me after, so i was honest with him that i have trust and insecurity issues from my past and he suggested we have a "teaser!) Smile and take things slow.

Holy Moses! did i ever hear from him again?? No. I'm fuming, confused, in-love, obsessed and I don't know what on earth I should do about it. He ignored a couple of my calls and texts...its been 2wks now. I just want him back, perhaps for a full shag and call it off.I need to finish what we started.
Pleeease tell me the hell I should do....i feel like I've lost it all. He never said why he just wont talk to me. Anything I could message him to get him just to talk? Its crushed my self esteem, I cant move on until I get what I want. May be i have a problem.....who knows. Shit, I'm fucked. Sad Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 11:47

These days however I know that whatever I want is fine. I don't have to go into great detail about why I wouldn't want to sleep with someone. Any guy who is genuinely keen wouldn't be put off by that. And it will weed out those who just want sex this is exactly where I need to be at this point in my life. I'm still undergoing Councelling after an awfully abusive r'ship. With time it all heals...baby steps it is... Thank you BeCool Thanks

OP posts:
zippey · 17/10/2014 13:27

I dont get the critisism for this guy either - how did he treat you badly exactly?

By not returning your calls? But he doesnt have any ties or responsibilites to you, you only met him twice. He doesnt have to say "Im not into you" - in fact, sometimes its probably best to just walk away without explanation, than to say something negative to you. He may have met someone else.

Ok he called the OP a tease (which is put with a smily face in the OP suggesting OP enjoyed the term) - but if he is just after straight forward relationship (as opposed to being with someone with baggage/issues) surely that is his right. The two people want different things, Id suggest neither OP or her guy is a twat.

I think its best to move on with your life.

VanitasVanitatum · 17/10/2014 13:39

She told him she was scared of getting hurt if things got physical early on. He persuaded her to get physical knowing that, then ditched her.

A decent man would have said oh right, I'm not looking for a relationship so let's not get physical. Simple.

zippey · 17/10/2014 13:46

From the OP it appears she told him about insecurity issues and not wanting full sex while in bed with him, to quote: "i couldn't resist spending the night with him. I never wanted a shag cause i was scared he'd abandon me after, so i was honest with him that i have trust and insecurity issues from my past and he suggested we have a "teaser!) and take things slow."

So going by that it had already gotten physical, so he didnt persuade her to get physical, unless Im missing something.

They were already in bed, they went to sleep, he left in the morning and has decided he doesnt want to persue a relationship with this person. Again, not really twattish behaviour in my opinion.

I dotn think the OP is a twat/weird either, as some people have said.

looki · 17/10/2014 14:16

Oh dear. I've been there. If a guy only has one date with you and thats all you had, he isn't into you. End of.

If somebody really wants to meet up, they will find the time.

For what its worth, I think you are just annoyed that he didn't give you the chance to cut him loose yourself and are now focusing on his rejection of you instead and wanting what you can't have rather than actually wanting somebody who is a practical stranger to you and has already messed you around. Delete his number.

zippey · 17/10/2014 16:03

I agree with Looki above. That sounds exactly what has happened!

ItsGotBellsOn · 17/10/2014 16:28

He was probably just out for sex, so please dont take it personally.

However, 'trust issues' arent a good convo topic on a first date after clubbing. Maybe slow down a bit next time.

GhettoFabulous · 17/10/2014 17:37

The only way to attract a quality partner is to be one yourself. Obsessing over someone you've only met screams unstable, and trying to rationalise what happened as a case of him being only after sex is something of a cop-out. He's entitled to take a step back.

Think it over, and calm down before you attempt to date again.

TonyThePony · 17/10/2014 17:45

I don't actually think he's done anything wrong and it wasn't a second date, it was a first date... You met him the first night (not a date) and then went on a first date and told him lots... It is good to be open and honest but maybe it was just a bit much a bit soon. I'd just leave it now, delete his number, onwards and upwards.

It feels shit now but it will get easier.

And who wants to date a flighty type anyway? Wink (him, not you)

Also... What is a teaser?! Confused

Secretblackandmidnighthag · 17/10/2014 20:06

tony I assumed a teaser was like a trailer for a film - quick flash of the tits or something Grin. I don't actually have a clue though but sounds saucy

AnyFucker · 17/10/2014 20:18

Op, I would run a mile from you too. You really need to have a word with yourself.

DirtyOldTown · 17/10/2014 20:25

I don't know what a 'teaser' is either - but all that 'obsessed and in love' stuff sounds way OTT after one date. ( I'm especially intrigued by your earlier statement that you played hard to get...) Honestly, let it go.

somewhereelse · 17/10/2014 20:29

Delete his number! He's gone.

You opened up far too quickly, easily done during that initial texting every 20 seconds phase but you had ONE date and have become seriously and abnormally over attached!

Waltermittythesequel · 17/10/2014 20:36

There'd be a Walter shaped hole in the wall if a man did this full on, creepy, trust talk with me after one date!

And not even a date; a night on the piss at a club!

You sound really intense. You're obsessed with him?!

I think you'd benefit from time alone until you can be more casual.

arsenaltilidie · 17/10/2014 20:41

You told him you have trust issues and insecurities so he has done you a favour.
He could have easily picked up his phone or could have easily convinced you to have full sex, but he realised you dont want just a shag so he left you alone.
Much better than try to let you down in a 'nice' way which often would have left you confused.

optimistikcolouristik · 17/10/2014 20:43

Shade, some men like the chase. You lost him and stop chasing him as this is humiliating. You want to find out what went wrong and he doesn't want to hear from you. How old is he? Usually young men shagging around not interested in serious relationship are like that. Have some self respect and follow some rules. You get too soon and too much obsessed with a new man. He might think you are stalking him.

optimistikcolouristik · 17/10/2014 20:44

Sorry, didn't mean to sound that harsh.

arsenaltilidie · 17/10/2014 20:44

Yeah dont think you did anything wrong, you laid your cards on the table and he was honest with you.
A twat thing to do would have been to feed you a line how you to have a connection and proceed to disappear or string you along as a FWB.

optimistikcolouristik · 17/10/2014 20:55

Yes, he is a twat and I met a few when I was very young. Unfortunately there was no mumsnet. You think something must be wrong with me. I didn't know some men were like that and there was nothing wrong with me except little self worth.

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 22:27

Ok my bad I came across as the desperate one, initially when we first met it was him acting all in love and desperate. How come its wrong for a woman to hate rejection but its alright for a man to gush over a woman till he gets what he want??

Having said all, I'm not dismissing the fact that its my fault I disclosed TMI on a second date and as I understand from some posts, men hate that.

Dating rules drive me mad sometimes....too complicated to comprehend..

On the brighter side, I'm Done with todays painting Smile .

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 17/10/2014 22:34

Sorry OP but have you had sex with this man? It's hard to tell from your posts.

Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 22:34

Thanks optimistik I'm on the learning curve I guess. self worth it is...

OP posts:
Original poster
shade101 · 17/10/2014 22:42

Morris no we had a teaser (his word not mine) ...meaning it wasn't a full on sex, you see, I didn't WANT to sleep with him too early on. That's why he persisted..for a t.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 17/10/2014 22:49

What actually is a teaser? I have never heard this before.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 17/10/2014 23:26

Shade "trust me I played hard to get"

Um - when?! You kissed him the night you met him, texted him all week, gave him a "teaser" on what was your actual first date, opened up about your insecurities, then called and texted him afterwards, even when he'd clearly stopped contacting you back.

In NO WAY did you play hard to get. If you want to be hard to get, read a book on it (The Rules is the classic). But don't kid yourself that you're being a challenge because you're not, in any way.

Sorry you met a bloke who made you feel he was keener than he was. But at least it was very short-lived. You can get over it now.

And :) at the painting. I used to do a painting every time my romantic dreams were crushed! My sitting room looks like The Tate. :D