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Original poster

ok...im obsessed!

112 replies

shade101 · 16/10/2014 23:28

I seriously have no clue whatsoever on what to do.

Met an absolute gorgeous man in a party, right away the chemistry between us was unbelievable. He literally wouldn't take his eyes off me. So, after party, we kissed, exchanged contacts and we parted ways. I couldn't stop thinking about him all week(yes we were texting and all).
Second week, date and clubbing. We kissed and i couldn't resist spending the night with him. I never wanted a shag cause i was scared he'd abandon me after, so i was honest with him that i have trust and insecurity issues from my past and he suggested we have a "teaser!) Smile and take things slow.

Holy Moses! did i ever hear from him again?? No. I'm fuming, confused, in-love, obsessed and I don't know what on earth I should do about it. He ignored a couple of my calls and texts...its been 2wks now. I just want him back, perhaps for a full shag and call it off.I need to finish what we started.
Pleeease tell me the hell I should do....i feel like I've lost it all. He never said why he just wont talk to me. Anything I could message him to get him just to talk? Its crushed my self esteem, I cant move on until I get what I want. May be i have a problem.....who knows. Shit, I'm fucked. Sad Sad

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 17/10/2014 23:32

Playing hard to get would've been - you met him at a party. He stared at you while you chatted to your friends. He came over to you, you chatted for a bit then wandered off. He chased after you, and eventually persuaded you to give him your number. (Or you left without giving it to him, so he had to ask mutual friends for it.)

Then he rang you all week till he got hold of you. He texted but you didn't reply. He asked you out, you were busy till the middle of the following week. He took you out for dinner. The conversation was light and breezy, nothing about Feelings, you ended the date first and maybe kissed him in the cheek.

He called you for another date. You were busy for a few days. He took you out to a club. You danced with him and others (platonic). You ended date first, he took you home, you maybe kissed him briefly on the mouth but didn't let him into your house.

He called you again... Etc. that's what hard to get looks like.

SelfLoathing · 17/10/2014 23:40

Please put us out of our misery. WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS A TEASER?!?!?!?

optimistikcolouristik · 17/10/2014 23:58

I second The Rules or The Complete Book of Rules. Was it by Schneider? The book teaches you how to play with men, how to be in control and at last how to find Mr. Right. All problems start when you are not in control anymore. I did have fun in the party though. Have to find some rules for DH :). Good luck!

optimistikcolouristik · 17/10/2014 23:59

Not in the "party" but in the past!

WhatsGoingOnEh · 18/10/2014 00:00

It's by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 18/10/2014 00:02

The book isn't really about playing with men. I honestly see it as a Bible of self-empowerment, that teaches us that we really do NOT have to do ANYTHING other than get on with our own awesome, amazing lives and let the men worry about finding/attracting/keeping US (rather than vice versa).

HarlowEver · 18/10/2014 00:21

Honestly I've been in the almost the exact situation.

A new guy started at work, he had probably been there 3 weeks and I finally noticed him and we emailed and exchange numbers within 30 minutes. All weeks lots of texting and flirting.

I went over to his the week after and we kissed - he clearly wanted to fuck but I said no ... assuming that if we didn't then it would keep his interest.

And then boom he was no more. He just wasn't interested and ignored my texts. It hurt because I really liked him and in every other way he was my perfect man.

Months later he was fired. Then out of no where he text me and we have hung out since then. Do I feel the same way? Absolutely not. But we are kind of friends.

He works with a friend of mine now and he has slept with quite a few women there too.

Some people just enjoy the initial rush and excitement and then get bored and move on. Sounds like your guy is the same.

You just need to let it lie. The more texts you send it isn't going to make it any better. If he ignored the others, why would he reply now?

HarlowEver · 18/10/2014 00:28

And I'm sorry if this comes across harsh. But you cannot honestly say you had a second date.

You had one date.

I'm assuming a teaser is oral.

BitOutOfPractice · 18/10/2014 00:41

In my experience this going silent shit is really really common now. It sucks. But the lesson is, don't invest emotionally until you know he's doing the same.

Sorry. It really hurts but ...

Zucker · 18/10/2014 01:10

But what is a teaser? If it involved penetration its still sex no matter what you both wish to rename it, no?

Wrapdress · 18/10/2014 02:56

Read a whole bunch of the dating books - many are free or super-cheap on Kindle. The Rules book is great too. But if you read a bunch of these books, you will see themes that will help you deal with men. Some of them have random things here and there that I didn't like, but if you read a lot of them you will some common ideas. After reading a bunch of these books, I thought, "Well, no wonder I struggled with dating!!"

The Rules
The Little Blank Book of Big Red Flags
Pussy Power
He Won't Marry You
What Men Want
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
Why Men Love Bitches
He's Just Not that Into You
Get the Guy

Waltermittythesequel · 18/10/2014 08:37

initially when we first met it was him acting all in love and desperate

Really?

In love during one conversation at a party? And then in a club?

WildBillfemale · 18/10/2014 08:57

SHADE

I see in a previous post you've inflated it to two dates now?!!!

What is going on in your head?!

You met and chatted to each other at a party (not a date)
You went out on a date once

There was no relationship, nothing for him to end as nothing started. Not sure why he's getting all the flack, he saw red flags and bailed.

Every man I know would have run a mile from a woman going on about her issues on the first date.

Pagwatch · 18/10/2014 09:08

What the fuck is a teaser?
I need to know.
Did you play him a 30 second video with a booming male voice over
"tonight..it's time...to check out those knockers!"

Roussette · 18/10/2014 09:20

shade it wasn't TWO dates as you say previously - you met him at a party and then you went on one date. It's hard, it's cruel, but that is life and yes probably talking about your insecurities frightened him off. Or he could have disappeared anyway. Did you have sex or not? I have no idea what a teaser is either perhaps I'll offer one to my DH and see if he takes it up

Bottom line - you had some fun. You were up for it as much as he was. He didn't listen to the 'issues' thing as you were probably snogging at the time and he didn't have enough blood to feed his brain and what's in his trousers, so he went with the obvious.

Don't ever contact him again, learn from it, move on. You have no choice.

Roussette · 18/10/2014 09:22

p.s. Even one text and phone call after this is too much. You say you have sent a few and phoned him. That will just reinforce to him he was right to disappear as in his head it is becoming bunny boiler territory. You will never get answers and you have to accept that.

GhettoFabulous · 18/10/2014 09:45

This reply has been deleted

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WildBillfemale · 18/10/2014 10:53

I'm guessing a 'teaser' is just having a bit of a fiddle with each other?

GhettoFabulous · 18/10/2014 11:36

I'm going to recommend this article, because it made me stop and think about my own behaviour: Here

I'd also recommend blogs The Pervocracy and Captain Awkward for thought provoking and informative sex and relationship advice.

CinnabarRed · 18/10/2014 12:04

Surely a "teaser" is using an invented word in a conversation and then refusing to clarify what it means despite repeated requests?

NekoChan · 18/10/2014 12:47

What CinnabarRed said!!

HarlowEver · 18/10/2014 13:03

A teaser is most probably like

a handjob, blow job and him going down on her.

Basically no penetration.

LosingAllTheLego · 18/10/2014 17:24

Honestly a teaser is probably him thinking that you've gone back to his after your FIRST date and he might as well get something if you're not gonna sleep with him after all. Or thinking if he gets you started you might change your mind.

But honestly you knew him for like a week? Get a bloody grip! He's obviously not into you, and every time you text or phone him you reaffirm the impression you'll have no doubt left of being needy and clingy.

Just stop!

Nerf · 19/10/2014 08:29

I thought the teaser was a quick penetration ? Going to go back and check . Basically Urgh.

Nerf · 19/10/2014 08:34

Trust me, I played hard to get but, soon after he went in and out, he fucked off with his ego and left me with a

From the op - I'm assuming the in and out bit is a 'teaser'