Rape -Judy Finnegan

[HiawathaDidntBotherTooMuch]

DH and I were talking about this earlier. I hadn't heard anything about it, but he said 'Judy Finnegan got into trouble earlier for what she said about that footballer, going on to recount what she had said. Then he said 'you can understand what she meant though, there are different types of rape ...'. I flew off the handle, and said that I was offended and disgusted by what he had said.

He then went on and in about how sentences can vary to reflect the degrees of violence in rapes. I again flew off the handle and said that all rapes are violent.

He tried to explain what he meant. Which was that all rapes are disgusting, and every rapist should go to prison for their actions. But that some rapes involved more violence than others, just like some murders are more violent than others. He wanted to discuss it with me, but I couldn't speak to him, I was so disgusted. He has stormed off saying that I am pathetic and weird for not discussing what he had tried to explain.

I cannot get my head around what he is saying.

Oh and women were treated as equal human beings by society at large. Rather than the willing/unwilling sexual playthings of said men.

Crystal

The BACP website lists counsellors by area.

crystal, bless you

This is the link:www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists

my advice is to draft a very simple introductory email, give them the high level low down on what happended and your availability.

I say this because you will get a very good feel for them in how they reply to your email, beleive it or not my therapist sent a lovely simple message and I still see her 1.5 years later (hey someones gotta listen to me!). if somone just replies in a matter of fact way on times and then kind of straight away you know they are not right.

I actually stongly recommend her, she is based in West London, sone 2/3 on the piccadilly line- if you think you can travel PM me yes? x

Agree with BACP. Don't put your dick where it's not wanted. It's a simple message, but some men are just too all-round-crap to pay attention.

Oh, Empire, the world is full of sorry fuckwits

FUCKERS- i mean how can a counsellor even downgrade rape and abduction? what would have to happen for her to call it rape? the whole of Ghengis Khans fucking army? some people---

I have been returning from holiday this weekend so only just saw the replies to my post - thank you so much. It means a hell of a lot to me. I will follow up some links this week and hopefully get some help. Thanks again.

Unfortunately, as a person who has been raped in different ways, I feel that some of the opinions posted on here about 'different levels' of rape & aggravating factors is exactly why I haven't reported either perpetrator of my sexual assault. I can't explain the impact to myself, the detail of what is the crime, so why would I explain it to strangers?

I was physically assaulted by my husband whilst being forcibly raped and pinned down. I was raped repeatedly by an older cousin as a child from about 5-11 years. He didn't physically assault me like H did (by which I mean hit, bite, grab etc) and in fact when I allow myself to really analyse the abuse (not that I can do this often because it makes me feel physically sick) he 'prepared' my body so I felt minimal pain each time. Both types of rapes felt violent though. I felt invaded and under seige by another body. His body part was invading my body and I couldn't remove it. My brain obviously didn't react well to the pain inflicted when my husband raped me (blood was shed) but it didn't react well to being invaded & nothing could be done to remove my cousin either.

So every rape is violent, it's a physical war declared on your body and obviously a psychological war declared on your mind and sense of self control. That's violence inflicted from one to another. You can't dispute that if you experience it, you can't take it down to degrees. I can't tell you which was more damaging. They were just damaging full stop.

weed. I'm so sorry.

It just gutted me to read the sentence 'Not all rapes are violent' on MN. Daily mail comments? Yes. Here? No

Thanks for the flowers.

weed I can't even begin to put myself where you are.

Having read what you've written and rewritten my reply umpteen times I still don't think in my case it was violent. I still think it was that he got carried away and was beyond selfish, I don't even think it was power play or anything like that. He just wasn't focused on me, only himself and got carried away.

It's been 26 years and this year I've come close to completely falling apart so am now getting help but I don't think what happened was anything other than him not seeing me when he was getting what he wanted.

weed

bloody hell, what horrific crimes were prepetrated, I am so sorry. I wish you the best onh your path

vis a vis childhood rape- I read this story recently. I found it quite inspiring and given the similarities I wanted to share it with you.

www.livingwell.org.au/from-men/stories-of-mens-experience/johns-story/

xxxx

But really, I shouldn't have drunk that much and put myself in a position where harm (of any kind) could have come to me

Absolutely NOT TRUE! You have the right to be in his bed without him thinking your body is his property to violate at will.

You were raped. You are NOT in any way to blame for what he did to you, I don't care if you were naked in his bed, if you were drunk, if you had had consensual sex with him while sober or if he was your boyfriend.

YOU DID NOT CAUSE YOUR RAPE!

Lewji That I shouldn't drink to such excess that I have no control over what I'm doing But you didn't cause this, it was out of your control & he probably would have raped you had you been sober.

You were raped because you were in the company of a rapist. Not because you were drunk.

To all those who have suffered rape, I am so sorry.

None of you were to blame, at all, for what happened to you.

Differentname, "you were raped because you were in the company of a rapist"

Never a truer word spoken.

I just wonder what will happen if this guy wins his appeal...

If we fully accept the ruling and authority of the court, will we accept the verdict of an appeal if the footballer is found not guilty?