Think DS is ruining things between me and DP

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

I have been with DP for 16 months and have an 11 year old DS from a previous relationship. My DS can be so badly behaved probably 60% of the time and average/well behaved the rest of the time. The last week has been very stressful for DP as his dad has been having tests in hospital. DS has been exceptionally naughty and tonight, DP has gone home saying he won't be over for a few days. We both have the day off tomorrow and were supposed to have a lie in but this now won't be happening,

DP and DS actually get on really well. They go to rugby and go cycling together. I am just worried that if this continues then DP won't be able to cope.

Does anyone have any advice or similar stories?

poor baby :( :(

Maybe plan some distracting treats for you both this week. Some mum and son time x

Is there a male relative who can take on a supporting role to make up for the fact his dad is a dick? That way if you get a new boyfriend the man won't be the too big a deal this last one was.

We are currently watching a film on Netflix and he is having foot rubs (in between MNing). Unfortunately, no male relatives. His form tutor is male and very supportive though.

absolutely take him to the footy!

my ds and I go all the time! it's out thing! you can be all the parents he need!

the last thing you both need is to think that your family isn't a family because a bloke isn't there.

I have been to football matches in London and locally and ditto for rugby. I have been Kart racing and also sorts.
There is nothing missing you can be his 'everything' . My sons particularly the eldest calls me his 'mad' as I am both mum and dad to him :)

His mad? love it! :)

I say I'm going for my Dad Badge! Taught him to ride a bike, take him to footy, rugby and what not. Also told him that Father's Day is mine too..... so save up

I was feeling OK yesterday evening until I told DS about DS and he started sobbing. He was looking at pictures of him on the iPad and crying. He kept asking if it was his fault and I said it wasn't but he didn't believe me

*told DS about DP

when things have calmed down a bit, ask why he thinks that?

talk to him about why he thinks he would be anything to do with the end of your relationship, why would he blame himself like that?

my guess is that he'll raise the subject of his own behaviour.

this is your oPportunity to ask him what's behind that, why does he think he has to do things the way he does, ask him about his thoughts, what his feelings are.

reassure him that absolutely the end of your relationship is not of his doing, but that this ending will give you and him the space and time to talk and work through how he's feeling about life etc, and why he's having issues at school etc.

tell him that you too are sad about DP, but that if something good comes out of it, your closeness to your son, then there's the silver lining you both need.

your dp caused this rift, not your ds. your ds needs you now, be there for him and it'll take your mind off dp!

you'll be fine, your ds will be fine.

So, I got home today and there was an envelope on the mat with my full name written on it. Bear in mind only me and DS live here. I opened it and there was a list of all the passwords to the things that my ex had set up for me. There was no note, nothing. Just that.

Again, how can someone go from so loving, kisses/cuddles/flowers/talking about the future etc to this in 10 days. I don't get it

Oh, and to top it off, DS got a 1 day exclusion from school for bad behaviour at school yesterday. The highlight lowlight was throwing a chair. Luckily it didn't hit anyone.

Had you told the school about what he's been going through? You really need to talk to them and request what help they are going to give your son to handle his feelings. (For instance he may need an exit card, so he can leave the class room when it gets too much.)

I told his teacher and he was supportive however his behaviour was just too much. He ended up in the isolation room three times and was making swear signs on one of the occasions

• gone back to his wife

• never left his wife

• his wife found out

• he's a total scumbag.

That's my reckoning!

Ooh believe me when I say, this man has NEVER had a wife. He was a virgin when we met and I am in no doubt about that. On our second date when I was expecting a date, he shook my hand I knew him for a year before we got together and my friend and I always thought he was a virgin and we were right. His family also confirmed that he had never had a girlfriend.

*expecting a snog

Oh, well there goes my theory!

So, he's just an arsehole.

You and ds deserve so much better!

Had an awful day today. Had to attend a back to school meeting as DS was excluded yesterday, one of the reasons was throwing a chair After loads of promises from DS, I get a phone call at 10am saying he is in isolation for the rest of the day and has an after school detention for bad behaviour in PE.

I have contacted a local charity who specialise in counselling for children who have had a tough time. They have suggested arranging an initial meeting with a support worker so I am going to do that.

ARe you keeping a record of what was said in the meeting with school? What steps are they taking to help him with his behaviour?
To be honest asking a child like him to "promise to behave" is probably useless. They need to be working (with him if he is mature enough) to spot trigger points, and to work out strategies to avoid them. If they don't know what to do they should be calling in outside professionals (probably from the LA).
You could also take him to you GP and see if you can get him some counselling or other help.