Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Text message meant for someone else?

393 replies

springchickennolonger · 24/09/2014 08:31

Looked at my phone this morning. Found a text message from Dp which was obviously not meant for me. It's incriminating -to another woman- but I don't want to draw any conclusions until I'm sure it's from his phone.

Is there any way it could be from somewhere else?

I'm a bit shocked tbh and not sure what to do.

My gut feeling is to gather more evidence before confronting him. Any advice?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 24/09/2014 20:49

It's not up to him though. The balls in the ops court. I can't help feeling she wants to prove a negative

Putmedownsaidthefish · 24/09/2014 20:53

Spring, what a shock for you. I think you should see if you can lose your phone and use that (frankly scary!) app.

iwashappy · 24/09/2014 20:56

I'm sorry this has happened to you, it is very suspicious. Am in a similar position to you, have found incriminating text from my DH to another woman. Am trying to get his phone to get definite proof before I confront him. I hope you get an innocent explanation, but am struggling to think of one for you, so sorry.

Original poster
springchickennolonger · 24/09/2014 20:58

He's home now, and speaking in a perfunctory way, which is usual. Dd here too. Omg: your cat meaning "pussy"Shock Urghhh....

OP posts:
Bidingmytime07 · 24/09/2014 20:58

I can't help feeling she wants to prove a negative

The main thing is that she is not ignoring it

Original poster
springchickennolonger · 24/09/2014 21:00

Iwas hope you get the info you need. Thanks

OP posts:
BlueBrightBlue · 24/09/2014 21:13

Oh dear, sorry OP, I always try to look on the bright side ,but it all seems a bit suspect to me.
Just have it out with him, have a showdown if need be. See how he reacts.
I'm feeling for you, you must be out of your mind with worry.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 24/09/2014 21:21

Hope you get it all sorted soon.

ContactIssue · 24/09/2014 21:22

It does sound very suspicious OP. Do you know anybody with a cat? Anybody he might call honey in a friendly way?

Ex DP and I had a similar scenario with our galaxy s3s a few years ago. Two messages got mixed up so it read for example: 'Hi, going to contacts' house tonight. See you and. [becomes mixed] Night night don't eat all the Pringles without me tomorrow. Love you xxxxx'

When I looked back, he'd sent me the Pringles text a few days previously. I obviously thought he was cheating because of the 'love you xxxxx'.

Anyway, we checked our phones together and his phone showed he'd sent me a text which said he was home from work. Then it showed my snotty reply. I never got his text about finishing work, just half a text to his mate (sent that night) and half a text he'd sent to me earlier on in the week. It was very strange and happened a few times after that, but was easier to spot that it was texts resending themselves in a muddled up way.

The only reason is mention it, is because of the way half of his text cuts off: "I watched TV tonight with."

However, since his text starts with 'hi honey, how's your cat?' It doesn't look quite so innocent. Has he sent you a text whilst he's been working away which ends with 'wish I was meeting you tonight xxx'?

I second putting a tracker on your phone and placing it in his car. You could always stick it in the boot somewhere.

Thanks
Cabrinha · 24/09/2014 21:24

Oh OP, please don't bother with planting your bloody phone!
Or any other detective work.
I know how hard it is, I've been there. That's why I feel so strongly that you should just cut your losses (nothing you've said about him sounds positive). It's soul destroying, hunting for evidence. No matter what you find, I expect he'll minimize it.
So don't waste your time.
Good luck.

iwashappy · 24/09/2014 21:28

Thank you Spring. Flowers to you too (I couldn't get it to work!!) I hope he did mean cat and not pussy, that's horrid.

Honeezreturn · 24/09/2014 21:41

Iv got the same samsung phone and 2 different friends have recently received txts from me that were originally sent months ago, one from before xmas! And were both deleted ages ago
where on earth did the txts come from??
Just saying that phones do weird things. But im with the others, im afraid it sounds dodgy Sad.
I

Original poster
springchickennolonger · 24/09/2014 21:43

Maybe I am in denial after all. However, "hi, honey" is somehow not his style. The details of the text could fit, but the language is out of character. It sounds quite teenagery-"tonite" is not him, either. He's a middle-aged man and is blunt, and curt normally. I'm doubting now. All the more reason to get it sorted, I suppose....

OP posts:
FelicityGubbins · 24/09/2014 21:48

Just say to him "I got an odd garbled message from you earlier, can I see what you actually sent me please?" if he denies sending you any text or refuses to show you the phone, then you know its not his phone playing silly beggars and it was a genuine text mistakenly sent to you instead of another woman

Cabrinha · 24/09/2014 21:49

We mirror the behaviour and language of those we're attracted to, or even just interacting with. I've never called anyone "honey" in my life. Got a new boyfriend last year, he always calls me honey in text messages - guess what, I call him honey.

Look, I'm sorry to be harsh but... you can choose to ignore it if you like. But there's no point in deciding that it isn't him because he doesn't text like that. It IS him. It's from his number.

If you go down the route I did, by the time you finally get rid, you'll be more angry with yourself for being so damn stupid for trying to believe alternative explanations than you are with him for sending it!

He's going to say "some weird technical fault - god, I don't even sound like that!"

And you'll grasp the straw and go back to your near sexless marriage in separate beds with a man who makes you feel like relationship problems are your fault.

aftereight · 24/09/2014 22:00

I agree. When I found emsils from my DH to his OW, he was talking in a voice I didn't recognise. Romantic, engaged, nicknames etc. None of which matched the 'him' I knew.
I hope that you get the truth when you ask for it. Look after yourself and your DD Flowers

ContactIssue · 24/09/2014 22:00

I agree with cabrinha.

The texts I received which were messed up, were texts with ex had written, they were just resent and muddled up etc. So if he says 'I don't text like that' then he's lying. He has sent them to somebody and at some point.

ContactIssue · 24/09/2014 22:01

Don't know why I wrote 'and'

Mandatorymongoose · 24/09/2014 22:17

It's his text, sent by him. Sorry Thanks.

My old samsung phone had an odd habit of randomly inserting text from previous messages into new messages - which got a bit peculiar now and then, so I do know phones do weird stuff sometimes. I'm pretty sure that's not the case here.

Squidstirfry · 24/09/2014 23:07

He communicates differently with you because you are not OW.

FunkyBoldRibena · 25/09/2014 06:44

It is different language because it is an affair! As I already mentioned.

That's the point, someone who he can find himself with, be more fluid with, more natural, more sexy. Innit.

hamptoncourt · 25/09/2014 06:45

Could OW be much younger? My friends short and balding middle aged DP just left her and their 3 DC for a 16 year old.

doziedoozie · 25/09/2014 07:47

Could it be a regularly visited prostitute rather than an OW?

Dowser · 25/09/2014 07:59

Pussywoman???

Oh my! Maybe!

He's still wishing he was meeting her tonite as he puts it so definitely sounds like he'd like to be in there.

Hope you are doing ok sweetheart x

Bumjazzle · 25/09/2014 08:22

It does sound suspicious to me too.

My husband cheated on me and I had to find proof in order for me to believe it and I spent a long time doing so.

You mention he has a samsung phone, now there is a way to see all logs phone and texts that have been deleted. It's in the contacts then favorites then call log or something. There's 2 lists one that shows all logs the other shows you the texts that have been send received previews of messages even if they have been deleted.

I had to get into my hubby's phone and the way I did it was turned the charger off on the wall when it was charging at night so in the morning he thought it was his fault and left it at home. Could you try this then you can hopefully get the evidence you need.
There's so much great technology out there to catch out a cheat.