my hubbie works away alot and i've always been a little suspicious but he's always managed to make me feel secure and told me that he loves me.however,i started to feel there was something going on a couple of months ago and got more and more suspicious to a point where i actually attacked him...i know,i know it's disgusting and i felt really bad about it (scratched face and made him bleed etc.)we have had fights before but i noticed this time he didn't retaliate (this was alcohol fuelled aswell by the way). anyway, he went away last week and although we spoke on the phone i still didn't feel comfortable about him being away from home.(this is a man i've been married to for nearly 12 years and have been going out with for 18 years and who has worked away all through our relationship.even worked abroad for months on end sometimes).when he went to bed early without even asking if i wanted to join him (i knew he had a long journey the following morning so him going to bed early is not all that unusual)I looked into his mobile phone....never felt the need before but couldn't help myself. i came across video clips of women giving men blow-jobs etc.which to be honest didn't really bother me. i know that there are alot of things that many of us like to look at so just thought it was normal. however,when i came across his texts...from the previous night i couldn't believe what i was reading. they were suggestive texts from my hubbie in the context of looking forward to seeing this person "next monday" for "playtime" and other stuff which i don't want to type!without thinking,i ran upstairs with the phone in my hand and started screaming at my hubbie who was a little befuddled at that point.when he realised what i'd seen he tried to grab the phone off me which is when i found out the date of the texts and who they were for.he still tried to deny that they were recent put i had the proof infront of me and he had to back down.the most shocking part of all this for me though is that my apparently "homophobic" hubbie has been texting a BLOKE! he's my 3 kids'godfather....!this is a man who is about 10 years older than my husband and who my hubbie has always told me he "hates"-even though this man has found him all sorts of great jobs in the past and bailed him out with debt before now too. there is just so much past history that i really can't go and type everything in but to cut a long story short,my hubbie says it was just something to do when he was bored.i told him that he knew i wasn't a prude and why the hell couldn't he have had "textsex" with me!!!i'm the one after all who lies in bed lonely when he's away.he tells me he's not gay and that he's been stupid and that he's sorry. but i can't help thinking he's only sorry that he's been caught. apparently,he started it when he was "depressed"...about 4 years ago....? and that there had never been anything physical.anyway,i got hold of his laptop the other night and found a picture of my husband's willy there.it had been taken on a night in july when i know my hubbie was away and it was amongst all his family photos! when quizzed about this,he said he "couldn't send it anyway".not for the lack of trying obviously.(one of the texts the other night had said "you will c it on monday" which kind of makes sense now! i've told him i love him still and he's told me the same and we've tried so hard to be friends but i keep seeing this man's face laughing at me and i want to kill him.i'm so totally confused. i even wondered if this man's name was a cover for a woman on his mobile but again i can't uncover much now as i know my hubbie knows i'm onto him. am i a mug?