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Relationships

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Original poster

Weird, or thoughtful?

121 replies

tallulah2014 · 21/09/2014 10:15

I say date, it was at my house. Impulsively, I went to see this guy yesterday who had added me on facebook not so long back. He works in my local town centre so popped by his workplace (on his invitation) whilst I was in town. First time we had met although he says he has fancied me "for ages" - 18 months - since he first saw me from afar walking past his workplace. Anyway, we talked for an hour and he text me five minutes after I had left, saying he had really enjoyed our chat.

He then asked if I wanted to carry on talking later that evening, after he had finished work. I agreed as I had nothing better to do, so he came round and we talked for 3 hours solid, then cuddled and kissed, then we both got a bit over excited so he said he should leave and I agreed (I've already said I won't do anything sexual if I'm not in a relationship or heading towards one).

When he arrived, he had brought me a bar of chocolate. Because on my facebook a few days before I added him, I had made a joke about needing chocolate but not having any in the house.

I can't work out if this is weird, or thoughtful. What do you think?

OP posts:

PenelopePitstops · 21/09/2014 10:17

That's quite sweet.

Seriouslyffs · 21/09/2014 10:20

He sounds nice!

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 21/09/2014 10:21

I always think that these sorts of things can seem weird if you're not on the same page as someone but fine if you are.

A bit like: this guy is so weird he keeps texting me and we only met last night.

Compared with: oh lovely. This guy I really like keeps texting me.

Lndnmummy · 21/09/2014 10:22

Thoughtful!

TanteRose · 21/09/2014 10:24

Nothing weird about that really...looks like you are heading towards a relationship You can shag him next time!! Result

Rusticated · 21/09/2014 10:33

Hang on, the gift of a bar of chocolate is what's worrying you, out of the situation? Honestly, what strikes me as concerning is that you invited a man you apparently hardly know around to your house. Please be careful, OP. Forget the bloody chocolate. You may have decided you won't have sex until you're in a relationship, but a virtual stranger isn't necessarily on the same page, and letting one into your house makes you vulnerable.

flipflapsflop · 21/09/2014 10:35

But the fact that he left after it all got a bit too far is not weird is it.? It's respectful of your boundaries.

KittenOverlord · 21/09/2014 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rusticated · 21/09/2014 10:46

No, it's good that he left, of course, flip, but if (from the way it sounds), the OP hardly knows him and still invited him home after briefly being her FB 'friend' and an hour's chitchat, I don't think she could have known in advance whether he could be relied upon to respect her boundaries. It doesn't sound safe to me.

Dirtybadger · 21/09/2014 10:48

Nothing weird here. Except maybe that he didn't work for an hour whilst he chatted to you. But that is probably me being bitter/jealous of being able to do that.

UrsulaBuffay · 21/09/2014 10:53

The fact that he left rather than push the issue is good. The chocolate is sweet considering it wasn't a shag me bribe. Inviting them to your house is a sign you will shag them though so bear that in mind.

DorothyBastard · 21/09/2014 10:54

How did you meet; he saw you walking past his work, fancied you, and stalked you down on Facebook? That's weird.

Dirtybadger · 21/09/2014 10:57

My phone shows mn oddly so I can't read all of the first couple of lines. As above, how did you meet? I can just see the word Facebook and then it goes on to meeting up. How did he know your name etc?

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 21/09/2014 11:10

Inviting a date to your house is a sign you will shag them?!

UrsulaBuffay · 21/09/2014 11:12

The first time you meet them, of course it is. I'm obviously not saying it in a 'she's wearing a short skirt so she's asking for it' way ffs! But if you have your boundaries straight then meeting someone outside of your home is the clearest message to send.

MagnificentMaleficent · 21/09/2014 11:16

I'm with Dorothy

Waltermittythesequel · 21/09/2014 11:20

Stalking a randomer on Facebook: weird

Accepting a stranger's friend request: weird

Inviting a total stranger to your house: weird

Buying someone a bar of chocolate: not weird.

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 21/09/2014 11:21

Unless you make it clear you won't, which the OP says she did.

No healthy relationship can start from the mindset that the person you like is a predator.

Saying 'it's a sign' does imply that women need to be careful about how they behave because men are predators and will take advantage. "But she invited me round. That's a sign.."

UrsulaBuffay · 21/09/2014 11:23

Say what you will I've been dating for two years and I understand what men, good men, will read into a situation. I'd think the same if a man invited me to his place, it's intimate and cosy and I'd think that he was for sure into me. Not that we were just chatting which I would think if we were in a coffee shop.

UrsulaBuffay · 21/09/2014 11:24

In addition- not all men are predators. Some are and I'd prefer to have advised someone to take care of themselves than to suggest they let anyone that stalks them on facebook into their home.

Trills · 21/09/2014 11:28

Buying you a bar of chocolate is sweet. It's not "stalky" because you willingly added him on Facebook, so you chose to give him access to information like I could kill for some chocolate right now

It might be a bit odd if you added him on Facebook without actually knowing him (not sure of the circumstances here), but that's your choice.

Meerka · 21/09/2014 12:45

awww. sounds sweet as anything =)

Original poster

tallulah2014 · 21/09/2014 14:20

To whoever asked how we met:

Basically yes, I got a friend request from a randomer and accepted. I do that, as I don't have any personal details on facebook (no date of birth, no specifics about which part of town I live in, don't update my status much...) then delete if they are weirdos.

Anyway we got chatting on facebook chat, he mentioned that about 18 months ago he had seen me a few times walking past his workplace and a couple of times in town since then, thought I was "beautiful" but was never brave enough to say anything. I was going into town and said I would take a slight detour and go and say hi for a few minutes as he had just finished work, he agreed and then we ended chatting for an hour, got on well. He text me as I left saying he had loved chatting with me then the rest is as I say.

The chocolate, he mentioned he had bought after our meeting on his way home and he asked if he could drop it round after he had finished his other job later that evening. We had a bit of a discussion where I said I wasn't sure it was a good idea, he agreed and said he wouldn't come in and he didn't try to...I invited him in and he was very respectful, never went near me and was quite shy and nervous until we had chatted for a couple of hours.

Now I have something else to as you all...

Yesterday we discussed that we don't particularly want a relationship but aren't averse to one if it happens (in general, not necessarily with each other) and then today, we've briefly spoken on the phone and both agreed last night was weird "but in a nice way" (as he put it), we were both confused as neither of us would usually act that way unless we were in a relationship.

That's as far as we've got so far. He said he likes me a lot, I'm funny, pretty etc and I think he's nice too, and he did say he would never be so presumptuous to assume I'm going to 'put out' (as I put it, lol) if and when we meet again.

So, what would you do now?

I realise maybe you wouldn't have acted the way we did, but now we have... should we discuss it properly and set boundaries (too early for a "where is this going?" chat though isn't it!), just go with it and not think too much, or should I now back off and insist we only have proper dates outside of the house for a good while, with no physical contact?

In case it matters, before me he was married for ten years, been split a year and not been with anyone else before me.

OP posts:

Original poster

tallulah2014 · 21/09/2014 14:22

Oh also, he did say in the chat before we met up, that we would just be talking and he wasn't wanting or expecting anything more... he said "I like you and I fancy you, you're funny and that's enough for me. I just want some happiness in my life that's all :)" and he stuck to it. Didn't try anything on, the kissing was a mutual thing and as I said, happened after a couple of hours of him moving slightly closer, checking himself and moving away, looking nervous and all that, haha.

OP posts:

TonyThePony · 21/09/2014 16:11

How did he find you on facebook after just seeing you walk past?

It sounds quite intense quite quickly... Almost as if you're both suggesting you're almost in a relationship already... I think you should date for a while if you like him.

He sounds nice enough though... Hope it works out

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