Weird, or thoughtful?

[tallulah2014]

I say date, it was at my house. Impulsively, I went to see this guy yesterday who had added me on facebook not so long back. He works in my local town centre so popped by his workplace (on his invitation) whilst I was in town. First time we had met although he says he has fancied me "for ages" - 18 months - since he first saw me from afar walking past his workplace. Anyway, we talked for an hour and he text me five minutes after I had left, saying he had really enjoyed our chat.

He then asked if I wanted to carry on talking later that evening, after he had finished work. I agreed as I had nothing better to do, so he came round and we talked for 3 hours solid, then cuddled and kissed, then we both got a bit over excited so he said he should leave and I agreed (I've already said I won't do anything sexual if I'm not in a relationship or heading towards one).

When he arrived, he had brought me a bar of chocolate. Because on my facebook a few days before I added him, I had made a joke about needing chocolate but not having any in the house.

I can't work out if this is weird, or thoughtful. What do you think?

I'd want him to take me out, do some things see some places. If you just slide into a him coming round and watching a film then eventually dtd then it's probably more likely to fizzle out I'd have thought. Or be an incredibly boring relationship, depends what you want I suppose. Someone else on the sofa with you once in a while or to properly get to know each other. I'd be concerned at his 'that's enough for me' thing because he could be saying he has low expectations and therefore he won't be treating you that highly - you could be anyone so long as you're pretty and funny, that'll do, kinda thing.

Ursula - I think, in the context of what we were talking about at the time, he meant more like enough at the moment, as in not wanting sex so soon. But then, I don't know. Sorry for drip feeding but that just reminded me, he also said he has had a lot of female attention since splitting with his wife, possibly because of his job (DJ in a night club) and "I'm not interested in any of them".
With regards to coming over to my place last night, this is the way he put it: "I like you a lot and haven't felt that way very often before so I thought f-it, why not take a chance and go for it?".

Tony - I had added a workmate recently who was friends with him, so I showed up in his 'people you may know' list. He says he thought "I'm sure that's that girl..." and added me.

"Stalking a randomer on Facebook: weird

Accepting a stranger's friend request: weird

Inviting a total stranger to your house: weird

Buying someone a bar of chocolate: not weird."

I kind-of agree with this EXCEPT if you live in a small community where everyone sort of knows everyone else or are friends of friends (it is like this where I live) then I think it is less weird.

In your shoes I think I'd tread carefully/keep my wits about me/not get in too deep too fast but I'd see him a few times and see what happens.

Hope it works out how you want!

Hi, ok so....I have no idea how to interpret this or what to do next so I'm in desperate need of some more advice please.

He asked to come over tonight because he "likes" me so I asked if that was a good idea given the weirdness of the other night. He replied "probably not but I don't care. it's weird in a nice way.

So...I launched into a bit of a text-speech about how it probably is nice if you just want casual sex or a one night stand and that if he wants that, he needs to be honest and say without worrying that I might react badly. I then text again asking him to ignore the last text as couldn't be bothered talking about all that stuff. His reply? "I'm not just after that honestly. I like you and I'm happy with whatever. One thing you'll find with me is I'm quite horizontal and just go with the flow x".

I haven't replied yet.

He said previously that he's not looking for a relationship but if one happens then so be it (in general, not talking about me and him) and that "whoever I end up in a relationship with, it'll just happen".

I really can't work out whether he just genuinely likes my company and whatever, or...Well I don't know, he can't be after sex because before we met up, he told me about this woman at the club he DJs at, who keeps flirting and touching him up...He actually said yesterday "if I was interested in just sex then I'd have gone off with her weeks ago wouldn't I" (we didn't know each other then, obviously).

What do you all think? Should I have a discussion with him about whether he would rather just be friends, FWB or try the dating thing properly with a view to a relationship in the future? That seems a bit of a full on conversation to have so soon.

I just received this text from him (everything said in it is in reply to things I had said in my reply to his last text)

He said: "I don't want to stay away from you, unless of course you tell me to do one! Lol. I'm also not about to screw you over. I'm also not after a shag and if I had somewhere myself I'd be inviting you over for a bite to eat or something. Look seriously, if you don't think it's a good idea for us to see each other again then I won't. I'll respect your wishes x"

The thing about having a place of his own...His ex wife has the house since they split so he has been living with his dad while he finds somewhere else.

What do you think to it all?

honestly....RUN!!
The wife is probably still on the scene and he was just after sex, but trying to make it look like he wasn't.

(Old cynic)

I think; go out with him.

As in, physically out in public.

You sound like you're trying to create a drama from nothing. The pair of you.

It was so weird the other night? What, having someone round for a chat then kissing? (If a little unusual how you met)

No, that's pretty normal. Hence why it looks to me like you're drawn to drama!

Why are you getting into "just tell me if you only want sex" texts?!

If you like him, just go out on a bloody date with him. You sound 14!

You don't have to TALK about not wanting sex - just ACT that. Go out on a normal date, do not initiate sex.

And don't start all the "not looking for a relationship" stuff when it sounds, frankly, like you are.

Jeez, all this over a bar of chocolate?!!

What chocolate was it please?

Sweet!

He sounds really nice to me! Give it a chance. He's already demonstrated that he doesn't push boundaries and is thoughtful (with his choc gift). As Cabrinha said - go out on a date, a normal date. It sounds like you'd both be interested in getting together, so why not give it a try?

Just go on a date or two! I don't think he's done anything wrong (the chocolate thing is quite a sweet gesture), nothing that's happened appears to be THAT weird, you fancy each other, so proceed by going out for a meal/down the pub/whatever and see how it goes. He's said he's not just after sex, he's been in your house and been perfectly respectful of your boundaries - I'm not really sure why you're still worried, tbh. No, you don't know how it's going to turn out, but people never do when they first meet.

Neither of you know yet whether you'll end up wanting to be friends, FWB or start a proper relationship. That's what the first few dates are for. Go on them, and then have that conversation about where it's heading.

Sound nice to me, if a little intense.

Some men are normal..

Why all the crazy analysis and chat about no sex? That's more weird than anything else.

I was on the side of sweet until you said he was a DJ. There's just something about that stereotype. I'm sure there are many who disprove it but it wouldn't be for me. Is that maybe why you are obsessing?

Tbh, it sounds like you are coming across as really insecure and needy as all of your questions require him to say nice things about you. Let that come naturally rather than the interrogation. Realistically you don't want him to be head over heels in love with you right now as he hardly knows you. You don't want someone who goes around telling everyone that they've never met anyone like them after chatting for a few hours.

Bloody hell, all this crazy analysis and text and what does he think, what does it mean.

You haven't even been out on a date yet. You haven't known the bloke for more than a few hours.

The only non-weird thing about this whole situation is the bar of chocolate.

I think you should both run like the wind, in opposite directions.

IME people who randomly tell you something that aren't usually are that thing.

He just wants a shag.

What chocolate was it?

Dairy Milk - safe choice, your parents will like it and its unlikely to offend anyone

Snickers - kinky shit that no one else likes

Kinder Egg - childhood regression issues.

This stuff matters.

I don't understand why it has to be at yours?
Can't it be in the local pub or a nice cafe?
If he won't be seen out with you in public then I think there may be more to this 'wife' thing than he has told you.

Can I ask how old you are? This sounds a bit 'young'. Is he much older than you?

If you are allowed in pubs go out for a drink. Act like grown-ups. Stop talking about your 'relationship'. Stop talking about not having sex and get to know each other.

It shouldn't be this difficult.

Was it a Curly Wurly? If it was, then run like the wind.

Do you have a t-shirt with your full name on it, or how else did he find you on Facebook just from seeing you in the street? Are you sure he didn't just randomly send friend invitations to all the women in town, to see who would bite?

OK, I am really confused.

You meet someone, you like them, turns out he has liked you for a while.
You talk and get on.
He buys you a bar of choccy.
You kiss and like it, but don't want to go any further.

That all sounds very normal.

All this turning yourself inside out about what he/you might want sounds very convoluted.

Just go out with him for a while. As in dates, go out for a pizza, go for a walk by the river, go to the pub for a drink.

Get out and talk and get to know him. Simples.

I think meet up but not at yours. Date a bit.

thoughtful and nice.