am i being mugged off?????

[jude3184]

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

I very much doubt he is paying child maintanance either it's a ploy to pull on your heart strings. He's a big grown arse man (child) and is responsible for himself. Your responsibilitys are you and your daughters only. Yes he probably did make you laugh and have fun but now it's no joke and the fun is over time for him to do the decent thing and go and be gone!!

Hope he has been occupying himself packing tonight.

I've been sorting through it all and putting Into piles. He told me he got upset at his mums again...just switched off I have. I've got too much going on tonight. Had to collect my daughter from her dads because she was in absolute floods of tears. He's bloody horrible to her and she's only 10 and me picking her up through his own fault because he made her cry resulted in him screaming "I'm done with her" all in her presence. I am devastated for her so that ontop of all of this is a massive blow! So much more to say on that and advice and opinions would be mega useful on that too but you have all been so wonderfully helpful so far already. Maybe save that for a new thread once this is all sorted this weekend xxx

Jude reading this I have twigged how my (ltr) P is using me. I have booked his ticket home for tomorrow and hiding in my room away from the silent sulking and likely attempts to talk me around. He is only pissed that he hasn't enough tobacco to last until he is paid eh? I didnt realise i would be subbing his smoking!!

Ok , breathe you are wonderful and can handle this , she'll be ok , get rid of ole leechy ASAP , and focus on DD , show her now , cos she needs it more than ever that you've got her back and men that treat people like shit do not need to be tolerated , you are teaching her how to advocate for herself. Give her cuddles , leechy can sleep on the sofa , you snuggle in with ur dd and give her the loves she's needing tonight. Just cuddle up with your baby and know you've got it covered , no fella past or present id gonna get in your way. Remove him ASAP and build up your girls , three strong capable women together ( even if two are little , they are watching you and growing into those women). Good luck xx

I think you and your daughters need some time alone together - no cocklodgers or bad fathers. I've never liked the phrase 'babymoon' and it's not appropriate here really but I mean you and your daughters making a relationship just the three of you, to the exclusion of everybody else... and you focusing just on them for now.

As you said upthread, your twatdar needs a tune-up. The right man will know when it's fixed.

ARGHHHHHHHHH! I needed that! Wish I could do it outloud but the way I feel id wake the street lol x

As soon as cocklodger's gone, you and dds can run around the house screaming as loud as you like; it would probably be cathartic!

Is he packing, or is he sitting about with sad eyes, occasionally burbling about how he's actually gone some dread disease from which he could fall down dead at any time (that's another classic ploy)?

I second sproutsmum's suggestion that you all cuddle up in the ig bed together and cocklodger can sleep at his mum's or on the sofa.

Morning! I have just read the entire thread.
The landlord carpet story. What a wanker, always someone else's fault! The vimto story what a wanker. He loves his dog so very very much, he doesn't groom or walk her.

I have a feeling, a very suspicious feeling... He didn't want you to meet his ex when dropping his dd off. Hmmm, does he have her overnight 50% of the time to avoid paying maintenance?

Money is a subject close to his heart, he has bad credit - yet spends £40 a month on a mobile phone and owns a big dog and fish. Parents who won't help financially. I have a sneaky feeling he doesn't pay anything. He is very passionate about ensuring he has her 50% of the time.

You are doing great Jude. Expect crying, raging, niceness, suicide threats, sob stories. We are here to help you with each and every one. Have your checklist ready, tick them off one by one (and the police non emergency helpline as he has no right to be there if the tenancy/ mortgage is just in your name), it's gonna be a long weekend!

2-4-6-8
Jude no longer tolerate
3-5-7-9
Vimto-hoarding, leechy swine

MOVING DAY! MOVING DAY!

GoooooooooooOO JUDE!

waves pom pom

Morning Jude and your girlies! How was last night, all packed up yet? He needs to get everything our or he'll use it as an excuse for x amount of weeks/years to come so give his fish tank an ultimatum. You're nearly there!

Also waving pom poms in support ( spilling caffinated beverage on feet as we go )
Right then Jude , time for some morning exercise

STREEEEEETCCCHHH hand out into wank badgers face when he whines
TUUUUUURRRNNNN on heel to ignore sad face
RAAAAAAIIIISSEEE knee into arse biscuits ball sack when he attempts a cuddle
STEP BACK onto shoeless toes when he refuses to give you enough space to insert fag paper between you both
ANNNNNDDD last one nearly there
KIIIIICK two , three four and now the other leg ( that's right you kick that leg as high as you can and apply it to his backside as it disssapears out your door for good)
AAAAANNND Relax!
What a fabulous workout lovely , don't you feel better? That's one Leeech out the door and you've burnt off an entire Jammie dodger before breakfast .
WHHHOOOOPP!

( seriously though , keep on going lovely , today's the day xx , hope your little one feels a bit better this morning)

Your poor dd. It sounds like she's being emotionally abused by your xp :( at 10, she's almost old enough to make her own decision, and a court would definitely listen to her views (if it ever came to that). I would support whatever she wants to do. Maybe give her some real power over her situation. Show her that where men are concerned, she gets to choose.

As for the cocklodger, start repeating, "I don't understand why you think that's my responsibility."

Dd will be on the street! "I don't understand why you think that's my responsibility."

I won't be able to afford food! "I don't understand why you think that's my responsibility."

I will kill myself! "I don't understand why you think that's my responsibility."

My dog will be neglected! "I don't understand why you think that's my responsibility."

I am a plonker! "I don't understand why you think that's my responsibility."

This morning he is taking the first load down to his brothers, as much as can fit in his car. I'd fill mine and take a car load but that means driving it 40 miles and to be quite honest I think I've done enough already. Just a waiting game now :)) x

Great news!! Keep going, Jude!

Just feel your life getting lighter with each car load of rubbish leaving it :o

Do NOT back down. No more playing for time and drawing things out. He LEAVES by tomorrow, dog, fish, everything or it gets put out.

40 miles isn't far, lots of people commute that every day.

I know. 40 miles there and 40 miles back is just too much for me to decide to help him move when I can use the time it takes him to drive, sort and drive back to spend cheering my beautiful daughter up. With regards to what happened wit her dad last night I don't know what to do. Is she old enough at 10 to legally decide she's done with him? I said to her last night through her tears that he doesn't get to decide he's done with her....as her mummy's daughter and as a strong willed amazing little girl, turn it around and make the choices FOR HERSELF! If she really doesn't want to go over again his decisions don't matter. It's her decisions that count!! Rahhhhh fucking men!! He hasn't even rang or text her this morning to check if she's ok. He's just an absolute bell end of a father!! All she's done is apologise to me for having to come home. I said that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. She hasn't spoilt my weekend to myself she has made my weekend 100% better because now my minds at rest that she's being treated the way she deserves instead of being shoved up to her bedroom to pick up Lego that he's knocked over in a strop!! Nothing makes a mama more angry that when their children aren't happy and this mama has been pushed to her limit!!!

Have the next load ready for when he gets back keep the momentum going.Can I suggest that you don't leave the house for too long or you might find yourself minus the telly.Get the blinkin dog gone as well as a priority today ideally.Well done, chin up it will soon be over.Why don t you pop to a cheaply shop and stock up on cleaning supplies so when he is gone you can do a mega clean and every thing will be lovely and fresh.It will also keep you occupied.

Morning Jude and JudeDD. She'll keep you company and just maybe Vimto
Leech's mask won't slip while she's there.

This week marks a new start for girlpower in your house and the cheerleaders are right with you.

Ahh that sounds like a great idea!! I'll do that tomorrow, I'll chuck my dd a rag and we can whack the tunes up and clean and jig haha xx

And then watch chick flicks and eat popcorn.

I think you're amazing. You don't sound like a victim at all! You sound like someone who has had a lot of shit, risen above it and put it all behind her! Simply amazing! I hope today goes well for you, I also have Pom poms.

No advice re your daughter and her father but again your responses show your strength and willingness to give your daughter the best and she's clearly a credit to you for it!

I don't feel amazing I feel guilt. Guilt for even putting them a position to have even shared anytime at all with these people!! X

I'd fill mine and take a car load but

No, don't do that, just pile up his stuff at the door so that it's the first thing he sees when he gets back and tell him he isn't done yet, another load to do.