Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

am i being mugged off?????

656 replies

jude3184 · 17/09/2014 16:52

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

OP posts:
Jux · 19/09/2014 17:50

My fish aren't great pets. Sorry sykadelic, but they aren't. We will have lived here for nine years come December, and this year - for the first time - they have started coming up to the top and swimming about near where I'm standing when I go out there to feed them. 8 years of feeding them twice a day every day from March to October, and they ignored me. I could weep, the effort I have put in to making a nice environment for them: cleaning the pond, replacing pumps and filters, cleaning pumps and filters, finding nice plants for them to gambol amongst, dosing the water (which included measuring the pond and calculating volume capacity, not easy it's a stupid shape with no straight lines or axis of symmetry). Blood sweat and tears I er bled, sweated and wept for those ruddy fish.

Or maybe large goldfish/carp things are just slow learners? Grin

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/09/2014 17:52

I got teary when my clam died.

The guilt was terrible. I did everything right too. Rip The Clam.

KittiesInsane · 19/09/2014 17:54

DD and I got sniffly about the demise of her water snail, Fluffy. Then I stepped outside to bury it and trod on several other snails in the process.

KittiesInsane · 19/09/2014 17:56

Hey Jude, at least the Ex is a douche who isn't in your flat. Gotta be a point in his favour!

BonjourMinou · 19/09/2014 18:07

Just a quick note to cheer you on, Jude, I've been lurking for a while and think you're absolutely inspirational. Kick Him Out! xxx Flowers

BringMeTea · 19/09/2014 18:28

Cheering you on from SE Asia Jude. Get this knob out of your family home.

Original poster
jude3184 · 19/09/2014 18:31

You're right kitties. I kicked one out I can do it again! By the way guess what I had when he came home from work....a huge bunch of flowers!!!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 19/09/2014 18:34

Good thing he can still afford flowers, eh? Well, I suppose they're a lot cheaper than a deposit on a new flat. Or even a couple of nights in a B&B.

rainbowinmyroom · 19/09/2014 18:37

Then kick him out now. Why spoil your weekend?

Original poster
jude3184 · 19/09/2014 18:37

Tescos finest pmsl im glad our relationship means so much! Hahaha oh gosh laughable! Wow is MN over the world? I am such a clampit I thought was just uk haha xx

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 19/09/2014 18:38

It's don't engage with him. Put flowers in a vase, get online and carry on. I'd get him out tomorrow.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 19/09/2014 18:41

Flowers, knew it. Too little, too late.

Original poster
jude3184 · 19/09/2014 18:42

It's mad it's like im mystic meg all of a sudden!! I knew he would do something like this too little too late!

OP posts:
sykadelic · 19/09/2014 18:46

I'm living in the US :) MN is a UK site but being the internet, anyone can play along (helpful for expats etc).

Jux as in humans and other animals, some aren't the brightest! My fish know their feeding ring/area. Swing to the front when I walk past. Nibble on fingers. React to their light being turned on. I have 4 of different kinds. A calico ryukin, a black moor, a red cap oranda and a comet.

Stay strong OP. Flowers hardly undo all the negatives.

rainbowinmyroom · 19/09/2014 18:47

Just keep hounding him to pack. Don't ask about where he is going. Who cares? 'Here are some bin bags.' 'Locks are being changed tomorrow.'

If he doesn't pack, ''Shall I put the bin bags of your stuff outside the front door or on the pavement, or would you rather I just throw it out?'

Don't engage. 'This doesn't work for me.'

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 19/09/2014 19:17

Actually I wouldn't mention the locks. He's not a co-mortgagee or co-tenant, he's a cock lodger and as such it's none of his business. He doesn't need to know.

Best plan is to get him gone as swiftly but also as easily as possible and then make sure once he is gone that he stays gone.

I didn't mean to kick off fish wars, simply that the longer he leaves his fishtank in situ the more reason he'll think to keep in contact.
Very Important Mother Taking Over you need to give him a very short window of opportunity to rehome it, or say you'll put it on Freecycle, or as suggested upthread donate to a school or surgery.
Please don't let him have any kind of leverage to keep up contact and bring another bunch of supermarket flowers to make it all good Hmm

Regarding the one lone voice of dissent on the thread, gender matters not. There are thousands or millions of people who make little or no financial contribution to a romantic partnership. The big difference is that they do bring plenty of other positivity, creating a loving and satisfying relationship which works for both individuals concerned.
In this relationship the gender of the OP is not relevant at all, it's the way she's been treated by a person who only seems to care about his finances and his day to day living circumstances. That is why everyone else is in total agreement that he's kicked to the kerb.

Original poster
jude3184 · 19/09/2014 19:23

Thank you Enrique that was out amazingly xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
jude3184 · 19/09/2014 19:23

*put

OP posts:
enriquetheringbearinglizard · 19/09/2014 20:16

You're more than welcome, I'm firmly in #teamjude and don't want him to worm his way around this.

We can all see the truth, DDJude can see it and now you see it too. It's not always easy when it's your own situation, but now you're on the right path none of us want any hiccups.
Well not until the PARTY Wine Wine Wine

Keep VIMTO in your mind Jude, for the bad and for the good connection.

Anniegetyourgun · 19/09/2014 20:21

Is Vimto even good for 2-year-olds? Surely not? Definitely not for their teeth if nothing else.

Original poster
jude3184 · 19/09/2014 20:30

It was the no added sugar squash version Wink i won't give my girls pop and they're 10&6 lol xx

OP posts:
Bongobaby · 19/09/2014 21:16

So proud of you stick to your guns and get him out. This brings back memories of a similar cocklodger. We went food shopping and he said to my ds that he could choose a large bag of crisps. Got home and I said ds could eat some save the rest for later. Then ex sat on sofa in my house eating rest of crisps, ds asked for one and ex told him no don't ask, I brought them there for me so I can have them then he sat there and ate the rest of the packet infront of ds. I was fuming!!
Another time he wanted me to pick him up from an airport 20 miles away I said sure but can I have a tenner please petrol to which he said I was taking a fucking liberty asking him for it. A number of cocklodger things went on so I finally kicked him out he was angry and said to me your son won't think very highly of you that you've kicked me out!!! Cheeky shit, we are so much happier now and so will you and dd be. Roll on Sunday!

Original poster
jude3184 · 19/09/2014 21:20

Omg what a bastard! This is such a great place to vent!!! X

OP posts:
NettleTea · 19/09/2014 21:22

oohh you are doing good jude
But I want to hear more of his highly amusing pathetic attempts at pleading and guilt tripping!!!
Has he got the big sad dog eyes yet?
Is he enraged?
Has he had the audacity to point out all the ways he has supported and been there for you?
Ive got the flu and Im needing a good laugh.....

RandomMess · 19/09/2014 21:24

I too am secretly enjoying his feeble attempts of winning you back!!!

I'd give him the flowers to take to his Mum's with him Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread