Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

am i being mugged off?????

656 replies

jude3184 · 17/09/2014 16:52

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

OP posts:
jude3184 · 19/09/2014 14:25

Your own*

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 19/09/2014 14:25

Er, no, that's okay because he is okay with it. She isn't and cannot afford it.

rainbowinmyroom · 19/09/2014 14:30

Pack him up, because I can promise you he won't.

And please do the Freedom Programme and take a long break from dating and relationships.

jude3184 · 19/09/2014 14:33

I dunno why you felt the need to even comment "/ the first bit, fair enough, well done you! You get to love for fuck all and your bloke lets you! I think I wouldn't care but the last bit 'i suppose that's ok cos I'm a woman' is what made me think "oh piss off!" Sorry but I get enough going on without someone coming it with that!! Male/female has nothing to do with it IMO...it's about what works for two people in a relationship. I personally would feel like a clinker if I lived off someone else x

OP posts:
jude3184 · 19/09/2014 14:34

And the only thing I need to apologise for there is my atrocious spelling errors hahaha I know what I meant x

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 19/09/2014 14:36

Jude, don't let it worry you. There's always someone who will ignore the content of an op to push an agenda.

Now let's get back to pushing your agenda right out the door :o

Can't wait to hear your good news on Sunday!

LoisPuddingLane · 19/09/2014 14:38

Have just read the whole thread and, like everyone else, am TOTALLY CHEERING YOU ON. Dump the sorry git. If he hangs onto the door frame, use a claw hammer to get his fingers off it.

IndiaKnightGarden · 19/09/2014 14:41

Cheerleading for you here Jude as well!!

Dunno what doglover is on about. If her bloke doesn't mind keeping her then good luck to both of them. She better hope he doesn't change his mind or meet someone else though. Not really how I'd want to live.

Anyway, looking forward to Sunday's update... :)

jude3184 · 19/09/2014 14:43

It's happening. Eeeekk I got butterflies and I dunno if it's nerves or excitement lol Grin I haven't listened to any of the emotional shit so far and I don't think I could have done that without your reassurance xx Thanks

OP posts:
Stupidhead · 19/09/2014 14:46

Woohoo!!! You've got all of us behind you! Apart from Doglover but she's probably putting a ribbon in her hair for when her man comes home from work or something.

LoisPuddingLane · 19/09/2014 14:47

He's going to try anything and everything so just remember "not my problem"...

oldgrandmama · 19/09/2014 14:57

From an old crone (who had a cocklodger sponge off her for two bloody years - when I was in my fifties and really REALLY ought to have known better) I am cheering you on, OP - you really really bloody ROCK! You're almost there, you really are ... just visualise your lovely future - sponging git gone, plus his hairy dog and the fish* ... and your beautiful kids so happy.

Expect him to throw everything at you in the next day or two as he realises you mean it. Tears, tantrums, guilt trips, possibly suicide threats, 'my poor poor little daughter' manipulation ... harden your heart and tell yourself you're almost there. And he WILL try all this, I guarantee it. As other lovely MNs have said, remember 'VIMTO' - that bloody says it all.

We're all rooting for you, OP. You're almost there.
*We have goldfish in the fountain in the communal courtyard where I live. When they die (not very often, because I look after them - known as The Goldfish Mother), I give them a Christian burial in a flower bed! But am now thinking a flush down the loo would be more appropriate, seeing as they're watery animals. And it'd save all that digging. Grin

LoisPuddingLane · 19/09/2014 15:00

VIMTO Angry

MexicanSpringtime · 19/09/2014 15:03

Great going Jude.

mrssnodge · 19/09/2014 15:11

Another one rooting for you Jude, keep strong your doing brilliant!!! x

jude3184 · 19/09/2014 15:12

Thanks oldgrandmama. Listening to other people experiences and hearing how they came out the other side bigger and better is spurring me on!!! Well done you for getting out when you did, better late than never xxx

OP posts:
Jux · 19/09/2014 15:19

Fish are a difficulty. I tried to find new ponds for the fish I discovered in the pond when we moved in here. Everyone I spoke to said that they couldn't take them as there was no way of telling whether there was an infection in the water which 'our' fish were immune to. 9 years later, there're still millions of the buggers swimming about. I am almost fond of them.....

A friend ran a fish shop, back then too, tropical mainly but not all. She said she wouldn't take fish from an 'unknown tank' for the same reason.

I think your only option is to tell him that you have found a way to dispose of them and will go ahead if he hasn't taken them and all their paraphernalia by X date (in other words LIE Blush). Maybe you could donate the entire kit and caboodle to a doctors' surgery, primary school, nursery, or something?

LoisPuddingLane · 19/09/2014 15:21

Or a fish and chip shop.

Jux · 19/09/2014 15:22

V ery
I mmature
M an
T hrown
O ut

LoisPuddingLane · 19/09/2014 15:25
Grin

Vile
Ingrate
Manchild
Tossed
Ooff

LoisPuddingLane · 19/09/2014 15:25

Off!

AnyFucker · 19/09/2014 15:29

Brilliant, Lois ! Grin

It might be worth searching for Doglover's own thread in relationships to see that all is not well in her world, even though she lives rent free

jude3184 · 19/09/2014 15:31

Pmsl you guys Grin my girls go to their dads in a few hours...that's when the hard work starts because it will just be me and him lol awkward

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 19/09/2014 15:36

OMG, I'm excited for you.
You future is going to be sooooo much better without wankbadger, cocklodger in it!
YOU GO GIRL!!

jude3184 · 19/09/2014 15:41

Lol AF...wonder if he cut contact with the ex after!? Live rent free and put up with that? Gosh!! Sounds like hell!!

I'm excited for me too. And my girls mainly. Picked up a brochure today for a weekend away in butlins, cheap and cheerful but just what the dr ordered xx

OP posts: