am i being mugged off?????

[jude3184]

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

There are lots of us out here, judging our own lives by what you have had to say in these last two days

Indeed

God he's such a loser.

Was everything ok when you got home Jude?

Amazed at your strength! You make it look easy!

'Thing is dear ex...the point at which you refused to give my child a fucking Vimto in her own house, after leeching off me for months, is the point at which I snapped. So shut the fuck up with your fucking whinnying and get the fuck out of my house.'

Ok...so I came home last night and he was just sat looking sad. I walked past him to make myself a coffee and he moaned that I didn't make the effort to give him a kiss, I said seriously after everything the last couple of days....DONT! Anyway. He went into a little more detail about why the bond scheme wouldn't help him. Basically, last time he rented somewhere they kept his bond because the carpet in the house (which was a brand new carpet) had a run in it. He hoovered over it and the Hoover pulled the carpet and made a tiny hole....his dog found the hole and turned the hole into a very big one...he didn't replace the carpet so the kept the bond which the bond scheme had paid for him on condition he paid it back which OBVIOUSLY he never! He til them yesterday that it was the landlords fault for not telling him he couldn't use that type of Hoover on that particular carpet and then went on to say 'thanks to you not helping me and my daughter are on the streets!!'

To say I nearly laughed is an understatement!! Talk about shifting the blame AGAIN!!! In the name of all things holy!!!

He also explained that his dad said 'if we work out then he doesn't have to pay the money back he's borrowed to pay for the month in advance on this new place...' If we go tits up he want the money back! PMSL! Not quite sure what to say to that really.....

Then he went on to say just before I fell asleep that he now weights 15stone....but once he moves out he can worry about losing the weight which shouldn't be too hard since he won't be able to afford to eat!

Well! This man certainly listened when I told him to fuck off and have a pity party didn't he?? Lol Jesus Christ!

Helpkeepmestrong, that was such a nice thing for you to say to me and I absolutely needed to hear that. I feel like I'm insignificant sometimes stupidly I know but hearing that my decisions have inspired other people into doing things is definitely something that will keep me focused that little bit more. Thank you

His Daughter aint out on the streets, she has a home. Its just his worthless arse and if he wasnt so worthless, he wouldnt be out on he streets.

So boohoo.

I know I had to stifle a giggle because that would probably have been inappropriate considering how 'sad' he's feeling! Just can't believe I didn't notice quite how 'me me me' he is! "I'm ill" "I'm tired" "I'm skint"....so am I because of YOU!! Arghhh!!

This is possibly going to slide on and on if he is allowed to have his snivelling user-way. He is responsible for his actions and for those in his care.

His daughter has a home with her mother, dog could be sorted fairly quickly and fish could probably wait awhile. Believe it or not they are re-homable too! Some live fish sellers take newcomers on ... and the tank would get a fair bit on ebay.

In any case, you may have to be prepared to call the police. I don't know if you're going with Saturday or Sunday. I'd go with Saturday as you've got Sunday without work, presumably, and recovery time would be good.

How about you get his key off him now? Or even when he's asleep? (sneaky me!) A dose of inconvenience might convince him that you mean it. He is still an Unbeliever, jude. You have to mean it!

Don't back down! (your mantra)

I will not be backing down.
I've never meant anything more in my life. I wanna be the centre of my mans universe but that's pretty hRd since his world revolves around him only! I showed no emotion yesterday about it, he said 'I'm devastated, aren't you?' I said if you want my brutal honestly all I feel is relief'...and I just got 'you don't care about me do you!!'

Good for you - even he may be seeing that he has blown it. I'm sure he doesn't understand why and will move on to his next mark with tales of being hurt and thrown out for no reason at all. But that is his lifestyle choice.

Good luck, jude!

This man is a reject.

His problems are NOT your problems. The bond, his contact arrangements, his weight, his dog, etc.

He is devastated his meal ticket came to an end.

You TELL him he leaves by Sunday morning, STOP pushing it back and then ring the police.

I'm quite confident he'll go quietly as long as I keep it as 'we will work if you move out and have me my space back' so that's how I'll leave it til then. If I say it's over completely he will come out with all sorts lol x

As above. If he's to be out by Sunday morning, Saturday will be spent packing his stuff, not sitting about moaning 'woe is me' and hoping you'll cave in. If there's no packing going on, you get the black bags out, girl, and start rounding his stuff up for him - they're going out the door on Sunday morning. Get a new barrel for the lock as well, in case he's got a hidden spare key - you don't want him being able to let himself in afterwards.

it's good that this has come to a head now because it shows you what you would have found out anyway- maybe another year down the line- had you stayed with him.

he's shown his true colours.

The 'I will lose weight cos I won't be able to afford to eat' just screams 'you have been my meal ticket' lol x

^^agree, Jude. It is all about him. I do hope he goes without a fight, because sometimes people like him can turn nasty when they realise you mean it.

If he isn't packing on Saturday then you need to ask him why!!!

He is SUCH a waste of space. Well done for not actually laughing out loud at his pathetic attempts.

I hope not. I might get on eBay today and purchase me a can of whoops arse just incase lol!! another thing that annoyed me was I went to get in my car to go to work last night and forgot my purse so ran back in and the dog was on the chair! I didn't have time to hover the hair off and I thought fuck it, he can tidy when he's back! I got in at 12:45 this morning and I said 'had the dog behaved and stayed off the furniture when you'd for back last night and he went 'nope, she was good as gold and stayed off it, bless her, she's learning!' Welllllll....I knew it was absolute bollucks!! Lies lies lies even little ones!! X

And he left his daughters dirty nappy on my KITCHEN SIDE this morning when I'd woken up! He'd already left to take her home and go to work! Pisssssssssssing hell everything's grating on me now. He's doing himself no favours but for once he's actually doing mean huge favour lol making me realise x

Morning. I've been reading and thinking that. Now you've cottoned on to him he's making it so easy for you - he's such an idiot, but he's showing his true self.

God Almighty! This man-child is making me want to scream! And I don't even have to listen to him!

He'll fucking STARVE??!! Oh sweet Jesus, I don't know whether to laugh or punch something.

Lady , pop out now to B and Q grab a new lock barrell ( bout a tenner ) change it ( takes about ten minutes if i can do it so can you ).
Start having a good old clear out of his gear into black bags and out on the garden if he's gone do it now, when he gets back he can't get in and you either go out or just ignore , ignore , ignore, let him have a tantrum what's he gunnna do if it's already done?
Take the dog to his mums and insist it stays there ( tell her you're decorating and it will get covered in toxic varnish ).
leave a note taped to your front door telling him what time he can get his fish tank or it will be ebayed on monday ( make sure you have a friend available to be there).
If he kicks off call the old bill.
Every time you have a wobble re read this thread . xx

You know for months I've felt like this...but put up with it because I felt sorry for him! It's so nice to hear not one person agrees with the way I've been treated and it's giving me the strength I needed to stay strong x

He's making me want to scream as well.
Goodness only knows how you've coped feeling this way for months!!
Stay resolute this weekend.
And as PP says, if you can today, start packing his stuff up for him.
Get things moving as quickly as possible.
I'm very glad the scales have fallen from your eyes good and proper.
Now to follow through and not listen to his pathetic excuses.
He needs to go this weekend.

Don't waste one second feeling sorry for him, he didn't feel bad for you when he encroached on your space , spent your cash , foisted his dog on you , left his daughters excrement on your kitchen work surface, denied your daughter a drink of pop after spending all your cash for months , shooing your friends away and a massive list of other things , just play him the world's saddest song on the world's smallest violin and enjoy your FREEDOM.