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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

am i being mugged off?????

656 replies

jude3184 · 17/09/2014 16:52

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 18/09/2014 21:33

Also ... no, do not direct him here .. we are your secret weapon but only for you to use, not for him to view ... got it? it's a Rule ... sshhhhh ...

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 21:37

HHaha i wouldn't dare lol xx

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/09/2014 21:41

Also we dont want whiny man babies starting threads, "AIBU to ask DP to get a loan to pay my DD's child support"

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 21:41

He's said he needs a few weeks til house is ready and I've said a firm no. This weekend is the deadline. All I got was FUCKING HELL IMCANY WORK MIRICLES!!! God give me strength xx

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/09/2014 21:43

Well, he can just mooch of someone else or live in his car.

ChasedByBees · 18/09/2014 21:44

Anytime you feel sorry for whatever line he is spinning, remember:

  • He acted like anything you had was his - in fact, he expected the final say about what happened in your home and tried to order you around.
  • he demanded you share everything you had and meanwhile...
  • he wouldn't even let your DD have a glass of vimto, one of the very few contributions he made to your home.

He has treated you like he owns you and he didn't expect you to have enough self respect to do anything about it. Stay angry. He is not your problem. Any problems he has now are entirely self inflicted.

ChasedByBees · 18/09/2014 21:45

All I got was FUCKING HELL IMCANY WORK MIRICLES!!!

Oh dear (copyright funkyboldribena)

Who gives a crap? He's phrasing it like it's your problem. It is not.

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 21:47

I know. I've just sunday is d day

OP posts:
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 21:48

Ficking hell I can't work MIRICLES haha xx

OP posts:
FantasticButtocks · 18/09/2014 21:51

He may indeed need a few weeks...but he can have them somewhere else!

Walkacrossthesand · 18/09/2014 21:55

Careful now, jude - wasn't Saturday D day? Why's it slipped to Sunday?

BlackDaisies · 18/09/2014 21:57

Careful now, jude - wasn't Saturday D day? Why's it slipped to Sunday?

Yes, I was just thinking that. You need a friend round on Sunday to help you see this through.

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 21:58

Oh god I don't even remember what I've said and what I haven't x

OP posts:
Jux · 18/09/2014 22:05

Just read the whole thread. Jude, you are brilliant. Decisive, sensible, forthright. What a great role model you are for your girls.

Keep on doing what you're doing. He's going to really try once his daughter's gone, so be prepared for all the heartstring pulling, the tears, the guilt tripping, even flowers and chocolates and offers of money. His mum says... His dad says.... His dd says.... Your answer to everything and anything is that it's not working for you.

Just keep reminding yourself: HE IS THE WRONG MAN FOR YOU.

The right one will come along, never fear. After you've done the Freedom Programme. Wink

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 22:06

And its started...if I can't stay I can't have my daughter...I said if you don't go it's over completely. I fucking knew this would happen. Im not budging damn it I want my fucking flat back!!!

OP posts:
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 22:06

I'm doing that for sure xx

OP posts:
enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/09/2014 22:12

So actually all you are to him is an hotelier or accommodation agent.

He's not mentioning YOU very much in all of this is he?
Infact he's not actually mentioning you at all, apart from what he still wants you to do for him Hmm

What. An. Enormous. Entitled. Cocklodger.

BlackDaisies · 18/09/2014 22:13

Please get someone round for moral support this weekend. Not because he sounds violent, but because he sounds like he feels he has so much to lose that he simply will not budge from your flat!

BlackDaisies · 18/09/2014 22:14

I think everyone following your thread will be checking in with baited breath this weekend, waiting for the post that says "HE'S GONE!" Grin

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 22:15

He knows my dads thousands of miles away too!! My dads my knight in shining armour and came to my rescue the night I was beaten, god I'm so Annoyed

OP posts:
Corabell · 18/09/2014 22:18

Jude, you've done so well. He's now dangling over the edge of a precipice and he's trying anything to scramble back up.

He will be fine, his problems are not your problems.

rollonthesummer · 18/09/2014 22:19

Just tell him that you don't love him and you don't want to be together. How could he argue with that?

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 22:26

He won't leave if I do that! Lie just want him gone before I drop that bombshell x

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 18/09/2014 22:30

if he won't leave on Sunday call the police and get him removed. You both will know at that point it is completely over.

sproutsmum · 18/09/2014 22:35

You have done amazingly well, you should be applauding yourself for getting this far , I agree that the next step is
" I do not want you in my home , get your stuff and go now , or I will have you removed ( insert dead eyed stare and slow deliberate motion to pick up the phone and call the fuzz)
Then , delete , block , call the girls ask them to bring wine , chocolate and my two best friends ben and jerry and put the world to rights, enjoy your mates and your spacious home and starfishing in your big bed.
Cue large round of applause and tonnes of virtual flowers from all the ladies here ... ( sounds ok doesn't it ?)

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