Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

am i being mugged off?????

656 replies

jude3184 · 17/09/2014 16:52

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

OP posts:
gamerchick · 18/09/2014 20:03

The adrenaline that's been running you is going to wear off soon leaving you feeling a bit flat and despondent. This is the time to ask a pal round for a quiet night and then organise something that will make you laugh until the tears squirt out.

Do anything that makes you feel good but be nice to yourself when the blues come.. It passes.

tipsytrifle · 18/09/2014 20:08

jude - no need to tell him yet - get him gone first - but please please pretty please ... dump him after this! You are wayyyy too good for him ...

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 20:13

I have never been more shocked. He's all over Facebook now liking pics of us together n shit! I'm just glad for my sake and his that I'm at work this evening!!!

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 18/09/2014 20:14

He had now said his parents will help with the money for a bond etc on condition we give it a good go of 'us' because his dad is convinced I'm the woman for him!!

Oh dear.

Why are you engaging in the small talk OP?

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/09/2014 20:17

He won't let me go
That might be his preference, but it's not. his. choice.

You've decided. Stick to it.

It's almost like he had a place lined up all along?
Isn't it just Hmm

A pound to a penny says he isn't living on his own for long he'll soon latch on to another mug

He's a user Jude, not worth the steam off your tea.

Focus on the sofa party please.

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 20:18

Thank angers me been more that I've let him into my childrens lives!!!!! God I'm such a prick! No wonder he won't let me go he's had it good!!! X

OP posts:
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 20:18

*that

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 18/09/2014 20:19

Yes, of course you'll travel 40 miles at your own expense to visit him several times a week. And walk his dog when you get there and maybe even clean his fishtank too. And bring food.

Maybe.

rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 20:20

NO MORE engaging with this twat. Get him out, out, out and then dump.

The only thing he might have given up is paying a fair percentage of bills and rent to his brother.

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 20:21

I feel like being a nasty little cunt now but that won't solve anything because I'm better than that!!

OP posts:
middleeasternpromise · 18/09/2014 20:21

To quote the psycho penguins from Madagascar 'smile and wave boys, smile and wave' - don't start pulling this apart till you have him at a safe distance (like 40 miles away) disappear on yr holiday with yr girls and turn the phone off. Tell him you need to do a bit of thinking - nothing freaks freeloaders out more than their mark escaping their clutches. If he cannot be in your ear every 5 minutes peppering you with the 'look at all I do for you' messages and other assorted guilt tripping, then he will know you are going to see things without the fog of his bullshit. You are not only being mugged you are being played and the only way to deal with a player is to play them at their own game. Bullshit him back till he moves - yes dear I think this is gonna be so good for us; it will be like when we first met all over again; of course I will visit you; aren't you just the best to sort this house business out so quickly; Im gonna miss you so much but I think this will make us stronger and other assorted lines of crapola. Meanwhile start looking for a way to change your no; email and any other forms of contact - and get a good chain for the door.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/09/2014 20:28

yes dear I think this is gonna be so good for us; it will be like when we first met all over again; of course I will visit you; aren't you just the best to sort this house business out so quickly; Im gonna miss you so much but I think this will make us stronger and other assorted lines of crapola

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Just totally disengage.
Delete him from your Facebook and put everything on lockdown.

It's over.

FantasticButtocks · 18/09/2014 20:38

Hey Jude, have read this while thread, and one phrase keeps springing to mind and it's NOR DO I

My parents don't want me living with them NOR DO I

My parents don't want the dog NOR DO I

The council doesn't wan to help me NOR DO I

And the other thing that has come in to my mind is that you can now say something along the lines of... 'because of the way you are reacting to this, with all the pity texts etc, and emotional blackmail attempts, I have now decided that we are actually over. No going back. Finito'

Bloody well done Thanks

FantasticButtocks · 18/09/2014 20:39

Sorry for lots of typos (on phone) but you get the gist.

Wine
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 20:41

That's gonna be the case once he's out and in own house. Never felt so foolish xx

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 18/09/2014 21:05

jude, lovely soul, don't feel foolish. You're wonderful and therefore, unfortunately, bait to the not-so wonderful. Goddess knows how "they" know but "they" do ...

Just get him out, then the final farewell can be delivered with as much force and goddess energy as you care to wrap around it ... like a punch lol

FantasticButtocks · 18/09/2014 21:07

Don't feel foolish! There is no need at all. You have seen what is happening and you are sorting it! Feel fucking proud of yourself! Really, I mean that. Criticising yourself is very unhelpful. So STOP BLOODY DOING IT Grin

He is the one who should be feeling foolish if he thinks he's going to reel you back in with his bullshit.

Apologies if am being too forthright have recently taken up drinking red Wine and am a total lightweight!!!

tipsytrifle · 18/09/2014 21:17

*chuckling @ FB ... Wine

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 21:22

I know!! And them moans when I don't acknowledge his sudden interest in our photos!!!

OP posts:
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 21:23

And when I asked when he's going he asks why I'm pushing it!!! I feel like directing him to this feed!!!!

OP posts:
OfficerVanHalen · 18/09/2014 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 21:27

Oh gosh I didn't see it like that I thought he actually have the slightest shit even after I've booted him out "/

OP posts:
OfficerVanHalen · 18/09/2014 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nauticant · 18/09/2014 21:32

The only worry you should have about booting him out is that you might have scuffed the toe of your boot.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/09/2014 21:32

You're certainly not coming across as foolish to me Thanks