Perspective required on Facebook

[Cockmomo]

This sounds pathetic writing this down as it is about Facebook. My boyfriend will not accept my friend request on Facebook. He says he only uses it for work networking and doesn't really use it, although I know he's recently updated his photo. He says there is no reason for me to be friends with him on there as he doesn't put his personal/family stuff on there. We had a bit of an argument over it a few weeks back and he got quite defensive over it and said that I should just accept it and trust him. Am I being unreasonable to question his reason for not accepting me?

oh dear

Sorry but I agree with the others.

I feel the same MrsDeVere.

Why must anybody befriend their boyfriend/girlfriend on facebook? It's not compulsory. Perhaps it would be insensitve to his wife although they have split up? Perhaps they are both very sad that their relationship failed but use facebook to share pictures of the children and they don't want new partners 'liking' the photos or chipping in with their comments. Perhaps he just wants to keep you separate from his previous life and start anew? Maybe he knows his friends would find it distasteful or his kids are friends on facebook and he's not ready to tell them about you (a year isn't that long)?
Why is your relationship measured by facebook interaction?

Yeah I've been before but not for some time. I have a daughter and it is easier for him to come to me. We do go out together so he will be seen in public with me and came to a family wedding recently.

I would put money on him still being with his wife. Sorry OP

That's why I'm trying to get some perspective Nevergoogle. Maybe it is all legit.

oh and if his divorce isn't final then technically she could cite that he was unfaithful and that is the reason for the failure of his marriage.

Yes he is conscious about upsetting things with his ex

that would be good enough reason for me.

He's not friends with her on there

This is how I view it from the information you have given.

He hasn't started divorce proceedings but to add you into the equation may complicate things for him in terms of settlements and/or seeing his son - in his mind

He hasn't introduced you to mutual friends as he is still married to his wife and it may be uncomfortable to do so

It took him 6 months before he introduced you to his parents and you haven't been back there since - even though you have met for dinner out. This could be because they felt uncomfortable and perhaps a displaced loyalty to his ex and their GS by having you visit their house. Maybe they aren't ready for him to have a GF

The FB thing, I understand. So many couples live out their lives on FB and it's too much. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he is friends with his ex on there - again, he doesn't want to rock the boat. Having said that, he could show you his profile to put your mind at rest, or at the very least, come up with a better reason than it's used for work.

I don't think he's being honest. I believe he wants to keep the status quo for an easy life because it works for him. BUT a relationship takes 2 people, it sounds like he is driving the way this relationship is to suit him.

Why did it take him so long to tell his ex about you?

Why haven't they started divorce proceedings? If things were settled the way they were, then I would think that as soon as his ex found out about you, she would start divorce proceedings?

What do you want? Are you truly happy to be a bystander in this relationship?

How do you know he's not friends with his wife on FB?

I thought you couldn't see his page?

Not that I believe people have to be friends on FB with family/partners etc.

Sorry this is odd. My DP and I aren't connected on Twitter or Linked In but am on fb as it is more of a keeping in touch site rather than networking

Do I approach the subject casually again tonight and say can I see your Facebook page to reassure me?

I expected things to have progressed a bit in our relationship and I don't feel like I'm part of his wider life.

I think it goes deeper than the FB thing TBH.

When I challenged him on the Facebook issue before he said that he thought out relationship was stronger than this and that by giving in and showing me would only feed my anxiety

What did he mean by saying by giving in and showing me would only feed my anxiety

Surely it would put your mind at rest, no? Maybe you can ask what this meant.

Why hasn't he or his wife started divorce proceedings?

Do you know why they split up?

Waiting until they've been separated for 2 years so they don't have to cite a reason. He was keen to get on with it a few months after we met then it went quiet and he said he couldn't afford to.

Yes it would definitely put mind at rest. He says they just weren't right for each other.

Okay, that's not unusual.

Do you know why they split up?

Sorry, x post.

he said that he thought out relationship was stronger than this and that by giving in and showing me would only feed my anxiety

So he sees giving you reassurance that you have nothing to worry about re his ex, as 'giving in'? If there was nothing fishy on his page and he really is using it for work/networking, what's the problem with you seeing it?

I'm not friends with my dh on FB either, and we've been together 15 years. But if he wanted to see my page, he could. Bugger all of interest on it.