Anyone here? DP just broke my heart and I can't cope.

[CrimsonDay]

Pleasesomeonen jus talk to me. DP I my world and he has just told m he's done.
I cant breathe or sleep

How do you know? You just do. When you find Mr Right, he won't be 'perfect' by a long shot. But he will 'fit' into your life as you will 'fit' into his with a minimum of adjustment. His little 'tics' and habits will make you roll your eyes, but not constantly irritate you (and vice versa). You won't have to change 'who you truly are'. You won't have to force yourself to ignore his bad habits or behaviour for the sake of being in a relationship. You may think 'but that's the way it WAS!' but it wasn't, really. You know that in your heart.

A good man is just that, a good man. A man who is decent, works a steady job, treats people with respect, and is honest. He may not be good-looking, he may be a little thinning on top or a little thickening around the midsection. He may not be the best kisser or lover you've ever had. He may not be 'your type'. But keep your mind and heart open and he'll show up!

Thanks Across, the positive stories here give me hope.

I'm terrified I'll follow the family pattern of picking men that only hurt. I hope I will find someone eventually.

Right now I feel like I'll never be loved again (feeling a bit dramatic saying that)

Great post acrossthepond

Please take solids advice.

You need councilng - not because of this recent cock lodger but because of your arsehole ex who abused you.

You will absolutely attract men that are like this if you don't go and get yourself sorted.

I'm speaking from experience. A shit father, two physically abusive and one emotionally abusive. YOU need help. You need help to build self esteem and to be able to recognise these bastards.

You shouldn't have let him move on so soon - it's not fair on your kids. It's something I did myself which I was quick to regret too. It was a lesson learned though, never to be repeated.

Focus on you and your babies. Get fit, go to the gym, start work .. Do something new.

I did meet my 'prince' I 'found' him when I stopped needed a man. I wasn't looking for a relationship and he swept me off my feet. There are healthy minded men out there but you have to be in a healthy mind to see them .

Good luck.

I will, can I get it for free? I couldn't afford to pay for it at the moment.

I feel shit for attracting another bad one, I really thought he was 'the one'. I feel stupid now, knowing I was always his second best

I don't know how to fix this. my mum is pleased (wrong word maybe, relieved?) though, she said she knew he wasn't right fr me.

I'm glad you met your prince Anotherchapter, sorry you had to weed out the bad ones first

Go and see your GP and tell ask him to refer you for councilng regarding your abusive relationships. I was depressed when I went to see my GP and was referred but the waiting list was a bit of a wait tbh. I was lucky enough to be able to afford to go private.

We discussed lots of things, my poor relationship with both my parents, why I choose these men. Sometimes we choose them as deep down it's all we feel we deserve. When I left my worst abudive ex I thought my heart would explode in my chest. Seriously. I could feel actual pain.

What you have to do now is dry your tears, put your shoulders back, chin up and carry the fuck on.

Put your kids first, focus on them. Then focus on yourself. I started running when my dd was asleep as we had to move in to my dgm. I hated running. I was fat. But it did fuckng wonders for my mind space and health.

Shortly after we split I started dating a fuckng wanker that had a live in partner and three kids (two youngest ones I'd met) he also was fucking his brothers gf. We were with each other 6/7 months. Did I know about his other life ? Did I fuck. Oh how I cried tears for that cunt. He proper drew me in. My dd thought he was awsome.

Thing is - he could have been Jack the Ripper and I still would have got with him. My mind/esteem/soul had been really damaged previously so I would have settled for any fucker with a nice smile. I was vulnerable and needy- and that actually put my dd in danger. (She was fine but it could have been a different story)

Talkng to some one proffetional was like a light bulb coming on. I looked at myself, really looked at myself. I was broken buscuits at that point.

Spend time healing. Real time. I gave myself a year. Promised myself no men for 12 months. I read lots of feminism book, positive vibes ones.

I met dp about 18 months after my self imposed ban. For me it was supposed to be just friends - didn't expect a relationship but he grew on me

He really is the missing part of my jigsaw. Good people do exists.

Sorry for epic post

It's not just crap families or a family history of women who pick arseholes. My own parent's marriage was as near perfect as you would dream. A true case of soul mates who walked the same life path hand in hand until the day my father died, after 52 years together. Yet I continually picked jerks, narcissists, and abusers. Why? Well, THAT tale would take more time that even Scheherazade took & really isn't worth the telling. Suffice it to say that it was counseling that truly made the difference.

You'll be loved. But first learn to love yourself. I met my 'prince', too. After I learned to love myself and also learned that being alone wasn't a bad life, either. And (don't tell him) he was as far from my 'ideal' as a man could be. But you know what? My 'ideal' man was pure shite and my 'real' man is pure gold! Life isn't perfect and we do row occasionally and get on each other's nerves at times, but he is SOOOO worth it!!!

The bit about your mum knowing he wasn't right made me smile. You know, my mum knew every time that these losers were, well, losers but I wouldn't listen. After getting my head straight and when DH and I started to get serious I told him that if my mum didn't like him, he was history!! He was really worried! Needless to say, Mum said 'he's a keeper' so I kept him!

I finally figured out that Mum picked Daddy right off the bat and knew he was a good 'un, so she must know what she's talking about!

I will go for the counseling I think, I've had enough of bad ones now.

my family are great but not brilliant role models I guess, as a woman I'm following suit and I don't want DD to see that as she grows up. its only from mn that I have learnt a bit about red flags and healthy relationships etc. in fact, I would never have left ExP if it wasn't for reading the threads here and starting my own.

I've stopped crying now.. that must be a good sign?

I'm grateful for you all taking the time to write posts to help me here

I think you'll be happy you went. It's a journey of self-discovery well worth the trip!

Best of luck to you.

I went to the doctors today, she has given me a week off work and some sertraline to take for two weeks. The counselling should start in a few days.

It turns out he's going straight to her . I cried all day but I feel OK at the moment.

And you'll be OK. A little bruised perhaps, and a little more jaded but these are the times in life that provide a contrast to the good times, and make them even more valuable.

Big squeeze to you and also to all the MNs here dispensing nuggets of wisdom. You good eggs you! :flowers:

I will be fine, I think I've just let out all of the hurt from the past year in two days. I've cried for ExP, the DC being traumatised, money and work problems and then this.

I know Annie, this thread has kept me going thanks to all I the wise and lively lovely people posting here.

and to you all

Oh and what a prize she has

Good riddance to him - they both did you a favour.

Don't show one tiny bit of hurt if he contacts you. What kind of man treats anybody like this? - a complete arsehole.

Be thankful you didn't waste years on this prick. You managed to get out sooner rather than later. He shown he true colours early.

Honestly you will get over this.

Yes, lucky girl I don't know why she would want him after this but there you GI, good luck to her!

I feel much better tonight .I have spoken to him and he knows I'm fine and I said I would stay friends. its easier for me this way at the moment, but I think I'll cut him off when I'm ready.

Hopefully I still feel this good tomorrow, I seem to spend most of the day crying since he left

Would you stay friends with someone that treated your dc or your best friend like this ? No.

Don't give him the easy way out. I bet he feels all cosy that your actually ok either all this. Not like your upset or heartbroken....

Get mad, get angry and don't fucking speak to this piece of shit again. Think more of yourself

No I wouldn't, but this is the easy way out for me. I'm really angry but I can't stop.

He knows I was heartbroken, he saw me cry abs shout and fall apart. He knows I'm not OK but I don't want him to think I need or want him anymore. Talking to him helps me feel better, I have no idea why. I hate him for this, I'm not a needy person.

Wow. You've come a long way in a day.
Do try to do the Freedom Programne.
That will help you spot this kind of knob quickly.
You can do it online. Or contact women's aid and do the course with them.
So pleased you are getting counselling.
You'll get there.
You sound lovely and you WILL find your own prince when you least expect it.

I swing between OK and wanting to die.. its a strange old feeling.
I don't feel happy, even the DC can't make me smile. I keep getting images of them together and i can't get rid of them.

I trued to take my tablet today but I could swallow it. They di do liquid.. so I'm guessing I can't have anything to make me feel better.

I will look into the online course, dies I cosy much?

Oh Crimson, I'm so sorry you are having a bad time.

As far as your tablet, you should be able to crush it up and put it in a spoonful of liquid or such. Check first, some say not to crush them because they might upset your tummy.

I think you must consider the reason why you want to be 'friends'. If it's because you just want to hear his voice or because you are hoping he'll change his mind if you hang around long enough, then you are not doing yourself any good. If you still feel you must keep him in your life, then please be honest with yourself about why. It will be a tiny step.

Remember that although it's more painful at first to cut him out of your life, in the long run it will be easier to get over him if you do.

Thanks Accrossthepond,the kid words from all of you are making this so much more bearable.

I'll give that a go, I'd doesn't say not to so hoefuly it will be fine. I don't really wan them bneed them.

I like talking to him, he makes me laugh and its almost comforting even though its just texting. I am hoping he changes his mind but I don't want him back. I'm really confused.

I've been missing ExP as well, I feel like I want him back. he's useless and I am (was?) over him so why do I suddenly miss him so much?

argh

I really really feel you need to think about how to address your own self esteem and ability to manage alone - it's not normal to be like this after seven weeks. Way too much too soon , I'm stunned you've not been pasted for having him in your house and bed with your kids all this time.
Pills are okay but please take the advice of pp about counselling. You've not been to work, you can't cope - clearly the ex must be the real issue and not this stop gap bloke.
Please look after yourself and your emotional and mental health.

I agree, Nerf. I've been learning a lot about that stuff recently.

I'm stunned too, tbh. I haven't told the whole story in an attempt not to out myself, but he wasn't a stranger I moved in because i needed a man in my life. He is the DCs Godfather, a trusted (i thought?) friend and they were used to him staying a lot anyway. He moved in to help me pay bills etc because on my own i can't afford to keep the house going, and i had used my savings since ExP left so it was that or give it all up.

I am staying with my family for the next few days, I can't cope on my own in the house and I'm scared to go to work in case i break down. They're all helping a lot but they can't take the pain away.

nerf I thought the same about having him so soon but even I was younger I did the same. It ended in a shit storm too. What's done is done.

Hopefully op will have counselling and sort herself out and see how fundamentally wrong it is to invite men in to your home around your children so soon. Apart from it messes with their heads it's also very fucking dangerous.

op you need to stop talking to him. He is out of order texting you. He is keeping you dangling incase his new lover fucks him off - if he comes back to you, you will always be second best.

Are you and your kids not worth it? The fact that you are also missing your ex shows that you need some form of therapy healing for yourself. Your grasping on to men to make you feel better. Only you can do that when you respect and love yourself.

If you don't get this sorted you will do a massive disservice to yourself AND your children.

They need you to show them how successful healthy relationships are. Otherwise they will follow your cue and pick unsuitable partners too.

Toughen up now op. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell your self the was a horrible prick and your all well rid!

That was meant in a positive spur you in way .