Anyone here? DP just broke my heart and I can't cope.

[CrimsonDay]

Pleasesomeonen jus talk to me. DP I my world and he has just told m he's done.
I cant breathe or sleep

Crimson - you really don't have a choice; you have to get through this even if you have to crawl your way out of the pain. You have DC who need you. They don't need anyone else. Just you.

You have the intensity of youth which will, oddly enough, be your strength. Your DC will also be your strength. Let him go because you also have no choice about that. The sooner the better. As soon as he has gone, change the bed, open windows, move stuff around for a different look to your space. Because now it is YOUR space, your sanctuary.

If you can afford it, get some fresh flowers today.
For the joy you'll regain in time

Thanks tipsy. I know I have no choice, I've has a horrible few years and I though this was my chance to be happy.
its been a short time, but I think I'm crying fr everything now. my family, DC dad who is on suicide watch and won't see them. giving up work which I love. him being with her.

Yes, Crimson. I still find, as an ancient catlady, that when something sets off the crying Everything that has ever hurt piles in there too. What might have been a quick and dignified sob becomes a monsoon deluge *sigh

You're a very astute and insightful young woman and you will survive even stronger than before. I'm sorry you have so much hurt to bear but this is Life, eh?

Why are you giving up work that you love?

Sweetheart, you will get through this. You've done nothing wrong. You fell in love with a man who wasn't in the same place, emotionally, as you. Nothing wrong with that.

It hurts so much now but it will get better. I know that's hard to believe and hard to hear, but it is true.

You don't just get one shot at happiness. This wasn't your one and only chance. You will find happiness in the future, and it will be a happiness based on your strength, based on your wonderful relationship with your children and on your understanding of your self-worth, and it will be so much richer and more fulfilling for all that.

It does I've not cried over ExP but I miss him so much right now. his depression killed our relationship.
thank you, I am trying to be calm and not over react and failing completely.

I can't afford to work, I let DP move in because it means I could keep working. on my own I earn less than the nursery fees alone and im in loads of debt due to tax credits messing up last year.

Thankyou Sign, the support here is really helping.

I felt strong when ExP left. I feel like DP has damaged me more than I can handle. its been a truly shit year, I just don't want to be here anymore.
DC will b gutted, and how can I put on mg brave face when I can't even brush my hair?

Crimson at such a young age you already have everything you need to make a great life. Two lovely children, hopefully your health, intelligence, and plenty of time to sift through hopeless men and meet a decent one.

The horrible stuff that life throws at you is what gives you character and resilience, I know how awful things are at this moment, but you sound capable enough to get through this.

Make him leave, and start to recover. Good luck.

Thank you. I am going out with my nan now, I haven't called work yet I know I'll be in trouble.
I have told him to go

Good for you crimson One very small step at a time. Keep close to the people that love you and take one hour at a time. [thanks}

I hope your trip out with your Nan has been good & that you managed to call work. X

Crimson, time to put yourself and DCs first...draw yourself together love. Get his stuff packed and put on the doorstep. Give yourself some time then start looking for your path forward...big hugs m'lady xx

Hope he's bloody gone when you get home love.

You're going to be ok you know, you have family and friends around you, and two lovely kids, chin up.

It sounds to me like this man is a particularly horrible type of abuser. He has to stick his dick in every woman he knows. He can't bear the idea that a woman he has any kind of interaction with is not desperately in love with him - but as soon as he's got her to fall for him, he's off sniffing round the next one because no woman can resist him - no woman can be allowed to resist him.

He has treated you badly, but more to the point he has treated you badly on purpose in order to feed his own ego. He's not worth any more tears.

I couldn't stay in the house so I'm staying at mums for a few days. Everything reminds me of him and them.
I miss him so much, he did treat me badly sometimes by lying or making jokes but I can't think of him as an abuser. I realise this makes me look either desperate or vulnerable but its true. I've barely stopped crying.
My family are great, but so much shit has happened lately I can't cope with this too.
Your support helps a lot though

It's horrible right now.
It is actually physical pain.
Like your heart is actually breaking.
The crying makes you ache all over. It's hell on earth.
But..... It does get better. You will get through it.
Not right now, you need love and support but you will get there.
Cry and cry (believe me the tears will not dry up for a long time)
Try to keep hydrated and your sugar levels up.
I couldn't do solids at all.
I lived on Sugary tea, ice lollies and soups. They will be your friends right now.
Get lots of hugs and kisses from you lovely DC.
Take things 1 hour at a time.
Don't think about tomorrow or next week.
Just put one foot in front of the other for now.
You WILL get there.
We promise. Soooo many of us have been through this. My Ex had an affair and left after 15+ years!

Take all the RL support you can for now.
Take care of yourself!
for you.

Thank you Hellsbells, that's exactly how I feel.

I keep remembering our plans, how he held me and the things he did the made me so happy I was floating.

The DC are a good distraction, lots of cuddles all round here.

I know I'll get over it, I can't imagine how you felt after 15 years

I feel like he really did a number on me

I'm glad you are where you are surrounded by love. It will help you regroup yourself.

Children are very intuitive, they've probably already picked up on the fact that you are sad. There is nothing wrong with telling them (maybe not the 2 year old) that Mummy is sad right now but will be better soon. It helps them know that they are not the cause of your sadness since little ones sometimes think that way.

You've had 2 bad breakups one right after the other. No wonder you are devastated. But you will heal in time. That's just the nature of things. There's nothing inherently wrong with grieving relationships, even short term ones, as long as you try to put them in perspective with the rest of your life. You have many, many years ahead of you. In time this will be just a blip on your life's radar. Concentrate on what a good person you are; a good mum, daughter, sister, friend. And the good things you have in your life; children, family, and friends.

Please, tell me you didn't leave him alone to stay in your home. He needs to be gone. There is no room for him there. You need to start rebuilding happy memories there of you, your children, and those who do love you.

'Because of our issues'?? What issues could a 7 week relationship possibly have? He sounds like a complete numpty, spouting absolute drivel. I'm sure you can do sooo much better.

Are you sure you can't afford to work? Can you apply for a free nursery/pre-school place? I work pt and am a single parent and I got told my child/working tax credits would actually increase if I worked more! Please don't leave without checking all options out thoroughly, you'd be much better off staying in work if at all possible I think.

Please

Hi Axross, yes the children do notice, DD asked me if I was sad earlier and i said I was, and that grownups can be sad sometimes but its not for her to worry about. was that the right thing? I don't know. She is traumatised by her dad leaving, he doesn't see or speak to them an she's been recommended fr CAMHS for help

I shouldn't have let him in. I was in a good place despite the break up, I was relieved to be rid of ExP. Now I feel like I want to hide from life.
I'm grateful for everyone's wise words, I feel very attention seeking just talkin about myself.

Jacey among other things, he was unhappy with my messy house, DS climbing into our bed at night (which I put a stop to, even though I ended up with no sleep), me being controlling (I was a bit, I just knew something was up with him and this friend) and me not disciplining the DC properly.

forgot the last bit, yes I'm sure. I've checked what I'm entitled to and after nursery and housing costs I have £50 a week for bills, food and travel. I work full time but 3 days might work. it just means I step down from my position, which is the lowest anyway so I'll be like an apprentice with a wage to match its really annoying.

Yes, that was the right thing to do. She noticed, you reassured. Exactly right.

As far as the 'issues' each of us is entitled to live as we choose. If you stop and think about it, even without his 'friend' it may not have worked out anyway. You've said you were happy with your life before. Would you really have wanted to change the way you keep house, exile your DS from your bed, and let someone (who was apparently cheating) accuse you of being controlling in order to deflect suspicion from the truth? Sounds like too much changing to me! Someday you'll meet someone who doesn't mind a bit of a messy house, who you don't have to 'control' because you will be able to trust them. I did.

You sound like a great mum and you should be able to carry on parenting the way you want to, if you're happy with DS coming into your bed every night then that's all that matters. Who the hell does he think he is criticising your home and telling you what to do with yours own children?!

I think you've had a lucky escape tbh. I know it hurts now but it will get easier, I promise.

Good, I'm unsure of how to handle it with them really.

I do hate the mess but DS is a screaming whirlwind so I have no chance until he's older. the rest, I want to change but I wasn't ready for tough tactics which he wanted. I did it because he said we would be perfect but not unless it was done, he can't do kids in bed etc.

I'm not controlling, he made me like that I'm fun and happy, and understanding most of the time.

I know he was a wrong'un now, but I still miss him and it really hurts

How do you know who's a good man? I though he was one, and my ExP was good to me once upon a time. How do you know?

Thank you Jacey, I really do try although DS's behaviour means we never get invited anywhere

I think you're right I should be relieved, why am I so sad?