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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone here? DP just broke my heart and I can't cope.

136 replies

CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 00:01

Pleasesomeonen jus talk to me. DP I my world and he has just told m he's done.
I cant breathe or sleep

OP posts:
Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 00:37

I'm sorry littlefluffy, how are you holding up? Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 00:37

I'm sorry littlefluffy, how are you holding up? Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 00:38

I'm sorry littlefluffy, how are you holding up? Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 00:38

Oops.

OP posts:
Isabeller · 11/09/2014 00:42

Someone suggested ringing the Samaritans. I have sobbed on the phone to them in the middle of the night a few times and it did make it more possible to keep putting one foot in front of the other the next day.

I really feel for you, try not to be too hard on yourself.

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 11/09/2014 00:43

Pretty shit! At least I have finally stopped crying, after nearly 3 hours. Probably start again when I go to bed. I really bloody liked him and I've got lots of other stuff in my life to be massively depressed about, which I am now going to dwell on I'm sure.

Is your dp still in the house or has he left you in peace?

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 11/09/2014 00:44

I think the most depressing thing of all is that he has reinforced my view that they ARE all dickheads. I had such high hopes that this one wasn't.

SolidGoldBrass · 11/09/2014 00:49

SOrry you are feeling so awful, but please try to look on this as a painful but necessary step on the way to a much better place. Once he's moved out, it's time to look into some counselling and support so you don't get burned again in future. You were not long out of an abusive relationship, and this current man, who needed to get his feet under some woman's table for a while, spotted that you were vulnerable and took advantage. With a bit of help (and the support MN can offer) you will be able to detect dickheads in future before you get attached to them, to get to the point where you are happy as a single person, so happy that only really decent man is worth giving up your freedom for.

HattyMonkey · 11/09/2014 00:50

You say failed again, let me share. I got married at 23 had a dd at 24 exdh fucked off at 6 months. I was in the military, I stayed and dm lived with me. I met a man I thought was perfect but was an emotional abuser, married him too. 7 years later the first time I have sex I fall pregnant so I have a 4 year old.
You have not fucked up, you have made footprints in your history.

Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 00:50

I can't call anyone, I have no credit or anything. I'm ok though, talking to you helps.

They are Sad DD climbed into my bed and I feel so sad for her too, she'll be gutted.

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HattyMonkey · 11/09/2014 00:55

Your dc will get through this, love them and hold them. That is really all they need, you need time for you. I have no personal experience of it but the freedom programme might work for you.

Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 00:55

I will need counselling after this Sad I was so happy to be single again. ExP fucked my head up and I was really relieved to be on my own again. Then he contacted me.

Thank you for your support, I've stopped crying now. I can breathe again.

I'm sorry you went through that Hatty, luckily I didn't marry anyone. I'm only 21, I feel young and silly

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HattyMonkey · 11/09/2014 01:02

Don't feel silly. I can't tell you not to feel young because you are ?? glad you can breath again. Don't be sorry, both were my choices, I just wanted you to know that no one of worth will judge you.

LiberalLibertines · 11/09/2014 01:02

Oh love, I'm sorry you're feeling so shit.

But let him go to her if that's what he wants. There's a thing called 'the pick me dance' don't do it, he doesn't deserve it.

After an abusive relationship, your vulnerable, totally agree with pp that you need to work on being on your own.

7 weeks is a very very short time, way too short to bring him into your children's lives, after what must have been a traumatic time for them too.

Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 01:06

Thank you for being kind, I dont deserve it after putting my DC through this. There were no introductions eye, he knew them anyway so they hardly registered him bein here more.

My head hursts, I've been doing the pick me dance for days. It's lower than I've ever been or felt before.

OP posts:
HattyMonkey · 11/09/2014 01:09

You deserve kindness too, he knew you and your circumstances and sadly targeted you as vulnerable. Not your fault,

Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 01:12

Thanks Hatty that means a lot.

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HattyMonkey · 11/09/2014 01:22

None of this is down to you. You wanted to feel loved after being in a bad relationship. Not a bad thing.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/09/2014 01:25

You aren't stupid. You are NOT a failure! You are a lovely, warm person who put her trust in the wrong man. We've all done it, some of us more times than we like to think about Blush. It's so painful to realize that someone we love doesn't love us, but it will get better in time.

As hard as it will be, I do think it would be better if you told him to leave now, tonight. If he'd rather be with her, you can't really stop him, you can only prolong the inevitable. Does it really help you to be sitting there, looking at him or hearing him moving about your house? Like a cancer, it's better to get it OUT as soon as possible.

Is there someone in RL, friend or family, that you can call to come over?

If I may; CrimsonDay, please meet Littlefluffyclouds81. Littlefluffy, meet Crimson. Proof that there ARE others out there who have been dumped (God, I hate that word! How about 'not appreciated' or 'freed') and who will also heal in time.

Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 01:30

Thanks Accross. I know I should but I want him here, I hate him but it's comforting if only for only more night. I keep imagining them together, I'm crying again. Why doesn't he love me? I've tried so hard.

Thanks for the intro, I'm sure there are a few more of us around here too. Of god, I wish the pain would stop Sad

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HattyMonkey · 11/09/2014 01:38

Look Crimson it is nothing you have done or haven't done. He is a cheating lying bastard. You are worth more, much more and so are your dc.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/09/2014 01:53

I think one of the hardest things to learn about relationships is that you can't make someone love you. A person falls in love of their own volition, based on their own needs and desires. If we could make someone love us I'd be married to Tom Selleck (well, that gives away my age!).

Don't hurt yourself any further by futile attempts. Instead stand tall and remember that you are a good person who deserves better!

Original poster
CrimsonDay · 11/09/2014 04:22

Well I'm awake again, I just thought if him and now I can't stop crying again.

I keep thinking ic how lonely I'll be while they spend the days together. I can't stop and it hurts so much Sad

OP posts:
Alchemist · 11/09/2014 05:07

Crimson I'm so sorry to read how hurt you are and think you still may be in shock.

If you are still up have some sweet tea/coffee and, if you can, a slice of toast. Won't make the situation better but will help you cope with the day to come a bit better.

Keep posting sweetheart. When STBEX left me last year the amazing support from posters really did keep me going. You see, they were kind, honest and caring. You need that.

Thinking of you Thanks.

heyday · 11/09/2014 05:32

It's impossible to imagine, but this pain will end in time. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Do you have a SureStart centre near you as they can offer parents real support and a safe, stimulating place to go with the DC. Try not to let them see you cry as they will not understand and it will upset them. Children of this age are very flippant, they won't have formed any important bonds with this guy and once he is gone they will very quickly forget him. It's time to get yourself busy. See if there are any courses available locally as places often offer crèche facilities. You are struggling emotionally and it's important to do things to make yourself feel better.
Sadly the experiences we learn most from are the ones that hurt us deeply. You will move on from this and be a stronger person but please, please tell him he must move out now as his staying will only prolong your suffering. Be kind to yourself and remember, this pain will ease, just give it a little time.