apologies i had to amend a couple of details in this and repost as was worried about being identified.
This is going to sound like a real first world problem, but there is a lot going on in our relationship at the moment which is making me more anxious about this issue than i normally would be.??
Dh and i have had a bad summer with some awful rows. We have had counselling in the past, (Relate - didn't find it helpful, we ended up resolving our own issues at that stage). Dh has come round a lot in the last few weeks and we are thinking of going away for a night in October if my bro and sis in law can look after our kids.??I would say we are not out of the woods yet, but we are at least working on it.
??The problem is that i know my dh is about to broach something with me, about a Rugby weekend away to Rome next March with some business associates of his and their wives/partners.??He will want to go on this weekend and will expect me to agree to it.
The issue i have is that i went away with this same group of people last March. It was two nights in Paris for a six nations match. Dh and i live 3 hours from the airport they fly from and had to take an extra night to stay over at the airport hotel the night before, then coming home, our flight was delayed and we ended up driving the 3 hours home at around 11 at night, and his poor parent had to wait up for us as they were looking after the kids.??
The weekend itself was pretty much a 48hour drinking session albeit in a posh hotel and with corporate hospitality for the match. We hardly got any time to ourselves, as soon as breakfast was over there was about an hour of free time before we reconvened in the bar for more drinks before the match, or before flight home.
They were all drinking champagne in the executive lounge at 9am on the way over. I am in NO way judging these folk, they are all nice people, and i love a drink myself, but it was so non stop it was actually oppressive and too much of a good thing.??
Also all bar one of the other couples were/are very very wealthy and there was a lot of talk of yachts and holiday homes in Portugal that i couldn't really relate to.
??Finally they are all in their mid fifties or older with grown up children and its not a big deal for them to skip off for a weekend here and there, and they do, which is great for them, but we have younger kids, the youngest is 5 and oldest 12, and it is a huge effort to get away, so much preparation has to be done, so many favours called in, that i would far rather make that sort of effort for a weekend away either just with my dh, or with a couple that we are really friendly with as opposed to this group of people who are really nice and that, but i have very little in common with.??
If i try and explain all this to my dh, he will sigh, and tell me i always focus on the negative and never want to try anything new, and that the fall out from me not wanting to go or not going, will be such that he probably won't want to go away anywhere with my on my own anyway, as he will be so pissed off about us missing out on this trip. (he can't go on his own, though i wouldnt mind it he did as its really a couples trip.)
There is a big part of him that is hugely flattered to be asked to join these people as we are not in their league in terms of income, but they seem to enjoy our company so want us there. Dh will be afraid to been seen to snub the invitation and will worry that we won't be asked away again.
??But i think its stupid to spend all that money (£3000 not inc spending money) on something I'm not that keen to do. I don't want to spend a weekend like that, and i told dh that last year on our way home when he was speculating as to whether we would be asked again on the next trip, i would be prepared to go maybe every 2 or 3 years but not every year.??Is this unreasonable and how do i put my point across assertively and clearly without having a row?