H headbutted ds......advice please

[thelineiswhere]

H (definitely not 'd'h) had been drinking bottled beers at home on Sunday afternoon.

He then decided to go to the supermarket as he often does on a Sunday afternoon to buy more bottled beers and some food items for his own personal consumption. (Money is not the issue here, so the shopping thing is a red herring but bear with me).

He was gone for several hours and I suspect he went to the pub for a couple of hours as when he came back he smelt of beer.

I was giving the kids some tea at this point and he dumped his shopping in the kitchen and hung round the table in the dining area adjacent to the kitchen winding the kids up ended up annoying ds in some way and ds told him to go away. H can be very annoying under the influence as he pushes the kids until they snap, I usually walk away but the kids were at the table eating. Anyway he wouldn't go away and was leaning in to them invading their personal space so to speak and ds pushed him away but it was like a hit on h's chest rather than a push and with that h had him pinned up against the wall with a chair and said "d you know what I do to people that hit me..... I headbutt them" and proceeded to bash his head against ds's which bashed back against the wall. Younger child was yelling at h to get off ds and leave him alone.

Ds was shocked and we all kind of yelled at h to stop. He started to tell me it was my fault and if I didn't start to... but never finished his sentence.

I reassured the kids later that h was very wrong to do this and checked ds wasn't injured.

h didn't speak to any of us for the rest of the evening as kids went to bed after a bath/shower.

Has he crossed a line here ? Things have been bad between us, he barely speaks to me at all but I assumed he'd snap out of it eventually like he always does.

OP, just read this thread, I cannot believe how dangerous his treatment of your son is. In the days when corporal punishment was allowed in school and at home, hitting a child on the head was totally banned because of the dangers involved. How can you allow this to happen to your child?. Your children should feel safe at home. What will be the good of your financial position when you have a brain-damaged young man to look after for the rest of your life?

Op when you say you usually walk away is that when he's winding you up or the DC.
From the sounds of it this is very unlikely to continue unnoticed, if this comes out by any means other then via you some serious concerns will be raised about your ability to protect your children from harm.
If you seek help now by the time H returns everything will be in place. You must go to the police to protect your children and your role as their mother. They will be able to get a court order to ban H from re-entering the family home for an extended period of time to allow you to secure yours and your DC's futures.
You are risking losing everything otherwise.

It has just occurred to me that you and/or your H may require disclosure in your professional capacities? Do you?

If you do not seek help and remove your children out of this situation and the lid blows off the whole sorry state of affairs, you will lose your ability to work with vulnerable groups. If it's your H whose 'professional status' needs protecting - well, stuff him. He should not be allowed anywhere near vulnerable people if he cannot be trusted around his own children.

OP isn't listening. She has RL stuff to do. And if she's too busy to read her own thread, one wonders why she started it in the first place.

OP clearly doesn't know what happens when the police and SS become involved.
She seems deluded, naïve and ignorant.

My thoughts were the same as curtwild Why post a thread you can't even bother to read replies.

What are you hoping from this thread OP.

Dear lord is this real???
Surely not?

I would hazzard a guess, starlight, that what OP wanted from the thread was to stir up the vipers, and outrage and upset people. If so, mission accomplished. If not, then I'll stand the drop of York.

OP do you think your children prize their possessions and your healthy bank balance above the fact they are being physically and mentally abused and are living a life of fear and pain?

and I'll show my arse on the Town Hall Steps

There are no words

I'm wondering what has happened to you op to be able to not see this is so wrong.

I'm worried for your child and for you.

I'm not interested in giving you a hard time.Please just trust everyone on here who says this is not right.Just trust that.

And do what you know you need to, even though it might scare you.

In OP's title she asked for advice please. She's been given advice yet she hasn't even read it. I see many threads where an OP can't update her thread because her abusive H is around. That doesn't apply here. I truly hope this isn't real, because if it is, there are two little boys who are in desperate need of intervention.

None of us have any idea whether the OP is around or whether she is still reading this. I hope she is.

I don't think this is a troll. The chilling bit where she says she 'usually walk[s] away' when her drunken husband is winding up her children is of a piece with the inaction and smoothing-over that went on after the assault (she reassured the children 'later' ). FFS, headbutting.

To clarify (it's been a long day!) obviously her H is abusive, but he's working away therefore not peering over her shoulder, thus preventing her from reading/posting. Just in case my post wasn't clear.

pacific, OP stated she hadn't read the thread and was too busy with RL stuff to do so.

No, no, I got that, CurtWild, and my post was not particularly addressed at you.
IME people trapped deeply in this kind of level of dysfunctional quagmire may well not know how to respond to all of us agreeing that this is abuse and Not Right.
I don't think she's a troll - I was hoping upthread that she was

My heart aches for your son. Just 12 years old, bullied at school, bullied at home by his father who pins him and headbutts him, winds him up and his mother usually just walks away. And a mother who won't protect him as her job is more important. What sort of life is that, he's 12 years old fgs, he should be out playing football and enjoying life.

Your son is being abused and you are standing back and allowing it to happen

But by her own admission, OP says she speaks to her DC about how their dad behaves and tells them it's wrong. Therefore she knows it's wrong. Yet she's done nothing to extracate them from the abuse so far and usually 'walks away' when her H is drunkenly abusive.

OP, If you go about this in a way which is designed to protect his income, then he will have unsupervised access to your DC. Who will judge you for leaving them in that situation.

Report him OP. If your son reports it, it'll be clear you haven't taken steps to protect any of them. You may lose your kids.

What's the point of your thread?

I don't get it. Your poor bullied boy is headbutted by his own dickhead of a father and you have two weeks to change the locks, contact a solicitor and start proceedings and all you can think about is damage to his Career if you ring the Police.

The least you can do is get this arsehole out.
I really don't understand the many many people out there who come on mumsnet, post emotive stuff like this and then never address it.

Your husband is a pig. And I feel sorry for your poor DS. I thought you were going to update that he is 16 or thereabouts, old enough to be something of a physical match for his drunken lout of a father but you then tell us he is 12. He's only a child.

I can't imagine anything more terrifying than being head butted and threatened with being beaten up by his own father at that age. It must have crushed him completely, the poor thing.

I hope this thread and the vehemence of some of the reactions hasn't scared you away. You need to get help for your family and get some perspective. Being 'professionals' is irrelevant. Anyone who can get drunk and beat up his 12 year old son is the scum of the earth and doesn't deserve a job of any kind, let alone a 'professional' well paid one. Expose your husband for the scum that he is and get your kids away from him.

Hi op if you divorce without reporting this violent behaviour your children will not be protected, just you.