Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fiance got life insurance...is this odd or AIBU....?

146 replies

lotteryplease · 09/09/2014 11:16

I have lived with fiance for 3.5 years, financially dependent on him as I gave up my job to relocate with him for his work. I have a child (8) who lives with us full time (no Dad) and he has a child (6) who lives with us every other weekend.

Fiance just got a £100,000 life insurance policy and made his son the only beneficiary.

Don't know why but this really stung for some reason.

thoughts? or am I being a cow about this?

I said to Fiance (nicely) that it was odd not to include me, that me and my child are his dependants too and he sort of brushed off.

OP posts:
Original poster
lotteryplease · 09/09/2014 19:35

Nothing. The move was better for him because it was close to his child and family.

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 09/09/2014 19:35

Then why are you still there? It's fair enough if it's just you, but it's not. This guy doesn't have any respect for you, and you are not showing any for yourself, either.

You have a child. You owe him more than this, tbh.

rainbowinmyroom · 09/09/2014 19:36

Your engagement is a sham. He doesn't introduce you to old friends? Get a spine, lottery, you can do better than this.

Original poster
lotteryplease · 09/09/2014 19:38

Because...I am giving you a few things which are off. There are 99 other things that are great so it's always just those little things niggling.

To be fair I don't think he brushes off serious chats because he thinks I am his slave...I think it's because he hates serious chats.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/09/2014 19:40

Never mind what I would do, love, this is not right for you

He doesn't want to introduce you to his friends and show you off ? Why the hell not. He should be pleased as punch you have virtually sacrificed your life to be with him

I said early on this thread, your wedding is never going to happen

I suggest you force matters to a head, and quickly

Otherwise, I believe you may well be sleepwalking into a whole load of shit

specialsubject · 09/09/2014 19:40

wow. So he doesn't enjoy your company, respect you, share with you? He financially controls you?

you are better than this. Have some self-respect.

give him one chance to change. If that also ends in attempted forced sex...well, you will REALLY know how he views you.

Only1scoop · 09/09/2014 19:42

When you have 'run into his old friends' have you questioned why there is no intros??

Why does he have your passwords?

Only1scoop · 09/09/2014 19:43

'Are no intros' Confused

LuvDaMorso · 09/09/2014 19:43

You are a strong intelligent woman.

You have been isolated from friends and family.

You have become financially dependant on him through a series of choices that seemed to make sense at the time.

He fobs you off over anything serious, i.e. considers your views so unimportant he won't even listen to them.

he pretty much could walk away tomorrow and I'd be screwed.

I have a very creepy feeling that I can't push aside and it's not just this - he has made me feel this way a few times.

If I felt like I didn't 100% trust a person - I'd not marry them because otherwise what would be the point really?

I think you already know what's going on but it's too horrible to admit you've fallen for it.

rainbowinmyroom · 09/09/2014 19:48

Your financial security and that of your child and not being able to have a serious talk about matters that need to be discussed are not little things.

Original poster
lotteryplease · 09/09/2014 19:48

Sorry AnyFucker...he does show me off to his friends and family...he shows work colleagues photos of me and I know he thinks I am very sexy /clever / impressive. He makes me feel amazing most of the time and he is very vocal about being in love and excited to get married.

He's got a lot of good qualities I've not mentioned here.

He doesn't introduce me to OLD friends, and I think that is because they are from when he was married to his ex. Like he finds it awkward. But that still pisses me off.

He has my passwords because I just leave stuff open. He's really cagey about his. I find it weird. He says it's because he is a security expert for a living but I still find it weird.

This is just niggles, but they feel significant to me and make me uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 09/09/2014 19:52

So it's your family he makes little effort with?

Maybe he is 'security conscious' I'm sure you are also....'cagey' is entirely different.

LuvDaMorso · 09/09/2014 19:53

I think it's because he hates serious chats

Nobody likes serious chats. If your partner is upset or concerned you discuss it, negotiate, compromise, because you respect the other person and care about their feelings.

I think it is because your view doesn't actually matter. Your job is to be available for sex. You should not be bothering your pretty little head with these silly concerns. He kindly reminds you of this each time with his actions.

Hmm...hard to explain or put your finger on it but he seems to be "all fur coat and no knickers" if that makes sense. Words don't match actions sometimes.

Original poster
lotteryplease · 09/09/2014 19:56

Yes, well my family don't live nearby but he seems to make little effort. Like when they phone he doesn't chat to them like I do with his.

Honestly? When it comes to big stuff - I don't feel like my view actually matters.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 09/09/2014 19:58

I think you've hit the nail on the head there Op.

rainbowinmyroom · 09/09/2014 19:59

And you are right, your view is secondary to his. And that's not a niggle. That is a really serious problem.

Lndnmummy · 09/09/2014 19:59

Fwiw, my partner whom I have been with for 11 years is not on my (v substantial) life insurance policy. Our son is the sole beneficary.

If when/we get married then my partner will get half and our children if we have any will get half.

My other half is in the process of taking one out and asked my opinion. I said to put our son as sole beneficary. My friends find it odd, but all I want is for our son to have security. My partner and I both have equal earning power so it has never occured to me that we should be on each others policies.

Quitelikely · 09/09/2014 20:00

Well OP

If nothing changes. Nothing changes. This means you need to call him on the things you're unhappy about and see what his response is.

If he respects you he will do what he can to see your comfortable within reason.

LuvDaMorso · 09/09/2014 20:01

You could test him.

Is there a big decision you could make unilaterally? Something that would make you less screwed if things didn't work out. Pinch his bum if he wants to talk about it. See how he reacts?

Lndnmummy · 09/09/2014 20:02

Sorry the above sounded odd. I meant that to me its a substantial sum, to alot of people I am sure its just pocket change.

EarthWindFire · 09/09/2014 20:04

OP would/have you made provisions for your partners DC when you marry or have you now?

HauntedNoddyCar · 09/09/2014 20:04

You do sound like the 'Little Woman' junior party in this. Shows you off but doesn't respect your opinion.

Can you be added to the tenancy agreement? Technically he could tell you to leave I think.

It might be careless or it might be a bit of old fashioned sexism or something else.

LuvDaMorso · 09/09/2014 20:04

Btw, change all your passwords. Do not mention it to him. If he mentions it say you've taken on board his security advice. See what happens.

Only1scoop · 09/09/2014 20:05

What Luv says

LuvDaMorso · 09/09/2014 20:06

How long before the new business could make you reasonably financially independent?

Does he have any claim on the business?

Swipe left for the next trending thread