Falling out withh Husband's friend

[MMRR1980]

Hi all,

I've been a visitor for a few years but wanted a some second opinions so decided to finally take the plunge and join!!

I wanted to know whether you think it is wrong to introduce a friend of my husband's (and my friend too, I guess) to one of my friends and say to my friend "he goes on lots of dates with ugly women"?

I did that the other day and he told me off, I meant it as a joke but he said it wasn't appropriate when he has only just met the person 2 minutes earlier.

My husband wasn't there and I don't think he has told him about it, but I wanted to know what you think in case he does tell my husband - am I in the right if it was just a joke or was it not appropriate and should I apologise?

Thanks!!!

Are you 12?

I'm 33! Why?!

Well, an adult would know it was inappropriate and would know to apologise, irrespective of their partner finding out or not.

Which part of it (if any of this is true) did you think was funny?

I wasn't being serious though, it was just a joke and me being silly. I'm sure my friend new I wasn't being serious.

Why would you say that?

I cannot see what is funny or the joke at all.

Not funny, nasty and seemingly an attempt to humiliate him.

Hello - welcome to Mumsnet - hopefully you won't regret taking the plunge.

Personally it doesn't sound like a very nice thing to say and maybe you embarrassed him. :( Perhaps a low-key apology would be in order to smooth things over.

What a bizarre way of introducing someone. Why, can I ask, did you say that? Are you repeating a 'joke' he's made about himself, or that you've heard others make about him? It's not funny either way.

What made you say something like this in the first place?. That unfunny attempt at humour fell unsurprisingly flat. You've ended up just making yourself look bad.

He was going on a date the next day so I thought I would just tease him a bit about it.

I didn't introduce him like that, we had been chatting for 3 or 4 minutes after I introduced him.

I would consider it incredibly immature, and take it as a "jokey" way of being spiteful and a bitch.

It's none of your business who he dates, and absolutely not your place to pass judgements on the physical attractiveness of the women he dates.

If a friend did this to me as part of an introduction I would tell them to go fuck themselves.

Even as supposed teasing (which it is not) it was still wrong of you to say that. Not just to say emotionally immature (hence I think the comment re are you 12?)

I think you would be wise to learn from this and not say such hurtful things again even in jest.

I would be really upset in his place. And 3/4 minutes of chat is still well within the introduction phase. I think you owe him an apology, frankly.

I don't get it

It made me smile!

The phrase "ugly women" is just so horrible, however it's used. It really is vile to pass judgement on women's looks in that way. Do you think said "ugly women" are somehow worth less than whatever you would define as "beautiful women"?

I asked if you are 12 because the way you behaved was childish and bitchy

What a dickish thing to say, not surprised he's fallen out with you. I suspect your husband will be embarrassed when/if he finds out.

It's not teasing though is it? It's just slagging off women he dates? And making the person you were speaking to think you are shallow.

If this is your idea of a bit gentle ribbing you need to have a word with yourself. If you can't understand why it's a bloody rude and humiliating thing to say to someone who is a stranger to your husband's friend you need help.

I think you should apologise - it really wasn't a nice thing to say, even as a joke. I'd have been quite hurt and embarrassed if you'd introduced me like that.