Falling out withh Husband's friend

[MMRR1980]

Hi all,

I've been a visitor for a few years but wanted a some second opinions so decided to finally take the plunge and join!!

I wanted to know whether you think it is wrong to introduce a friend of my husband's (and my friend too, I guess) to one of my friends and say to my friend "he goes on lots of dates with ugly women"?

I did that the other day and he told me off, I meant it as a joke but he said it wasn't appropriate when he has only just met the person 2 minutes earlier.

My husband wasn't there and I don't think he has told him about it, but I wanted to know what you think in case he does tell my husband - am I in the right if it was just a joke or was it not appropriate and should I apologise?

Thanks!!!

Glad I don,t know you in real life....

Are you really that thick-skinned?

Imagine him introducing your DH with a haha "he,s got an ugly wife"

It sounds like you wanted to put him down by intimating that he can only get dates with 'ugly' women.

You disguised your intentions by saying it's a joke. It's not a joke.

You offended him by being obvious that you wanted to belittle him and you made offensive remarks about other women which makes you sound jealous and petty.

Also, saying that you were 'told off' is another immature expression. He, as an adult, tried to convey to you that you were out of line.

You should apologise. Use words like I am sorry for saying you date ugly women, it's not true and I was being very silly and immature.

Do not add a 'but' or in any way try to explain your reasoning because it will just further offend him.

Huh? He's either a friend of my husband's (and my friend too, I guess) or more like a brother to me we're so close.

Well, I told him he can't take a joke and had a go at him for being weird around my friend (he went quiet afterwards and spoke to me about it after she left).

I told him I no longer feel comfortable having him around my friends because of how he acts, and told him I think he takes offence too easily because he might be in love with me

He started as a friend of my husband but we've become close - I still think of him as a friend of my husbands.

That is why you should write a blog. You're crackers.

Rule of thumb.. If somebody tells you what you said upset then then you apologise.. you don't try to justify it.

I think you have a bit of a thing for him as well.

*them

Wind up.

And not even a good one

'I told him I no longer feel comfortable having him around my friends because of how he acts, and told him I think he takes offence too easily because he might be in love with me'

And how did that comment go down? You don't seem to think about other people's feelings before you blurt things out, that's for sure.

OP, just turn the tables, imagine the bloke introducing you to a friend of his and saying "meet MMRR, she goes out with ugly blokes,".

Really, how would you feel? If I was introduced like this I would be upset. No question. Even if bloke in question thought he was making a joke, I would think it in very poor taste.

It was rude and immature.

How would you feel if he introduced your husband to his friends in the same way?

In any case, you told him (and your friend) a lot more about yourself by that statement, than you revealed about him and his past girlfriends.

I think you fancy him.

It reminds me of the idiots who go up to check-in at an airport and say they have a bomb in their luggage

Well I think it is an odd and unusual way to behave - being rude, humiliating someone

But hey! he fancies you so that's okay

Seriously, I don't fancy him - I don't think of him in that way at all!

Why are you still arguing about this?

You said something thoughtless, rude and naff that hurts/upsets a friend.

Friend let's you know he's hurt.
You then berate him for not being able to take a joke.
Then you ask here for advice and yet you are still being defensive.

Call or go see the man. Apologise unreservedly to your friend for being a dick, saying something thoughtless and offensive and for upsetting him.

Then hopefully you can move on - and check yourself before you say anymore poor taste "jokes" in the future.

Sorry if comes across as arguing, I'm not trying to, I'm trying to explain myself

I say either:

1. You fancy him.
2. You're underneath a bridge right nowl
3. You've bothered 3 billygoats recently
4. You're a little bit nuts and not in a good way.

I go for 2 or 3 :)

I must admit when I read the post I could feel myself cringing. I bet the OP friend was cringing with embarrassment too at the OP thoughtless remarks. I really feel for the guy who was the butt of OP 'joke'. I hope OP husband tears a strip off her but I suspect she'll still have no idea how offensive she was.

So you make an ill judged, immature & rude comment about him-we tell you this & suddenly he's in love with you?
Riiiiiiiiiight

I'm not sure if you are just thick and socially inept or sympathise a bit because you might be on the spectrum. Either one isn't very good.

You just seem to have a disconnect that your joke isn't a joke but just plain rudeness. Some jokes are meant to be barbs instead of good-natured teasing. Your "joke" falls in the former not the latter.

I am not even going to touch your statement about him "being in love with you". That seems more head in ass thinking than reality, just my opinion.