Hi Guys I know I am a pain but I am really upset.

[Karenthetoadslayer]

Toad must have broken into the house when we were away and took a large and valuable cutlery set that my parents gave me. Previously I had the set in storage, but I took everything out of storage at the beginning of the year and when we went on holiday, I put valuables in a "secret place" in the house.

I just wanted to put everything back and realised the set is missing. He was after that and tried to take it, when he got evicted (I had covered the empty boxes and saw that these had been messed with).

I have no evidence that he took it, of course.

I wondered why he had taken the silver polish - now I know!

Hang on, is your solicitor experienced in domestic abuse? Were they recommended by a dv charity?

He's not going anywhere near your house! It sounds to me like he's mentally disintegrating and I don't believe it's safe. I'm gobsmacked that a solicitor is giving this advice in a case of dv with outstanding injunctions against him.

You need to call Women's Aid, your local DV One Stop Shop and the NCDV, the latter both have their own solicitors and ask their advice.

I fully agree that you shouldn't let him anywhere near your house.
I'd have reported the breaches by now and only allow inspection by his representative.

Play hard or he'll just abuse you as he has by now. He doesn't play by normal people's rules, so neither you nor your solicitor should respond as if he was normal or reasonable.
Be the bitch you need to be to survive this.

She said that would weaken his case to have to occupy the house himself to ensure that work is done to a good standard.

I don't know, so far she has fine the right things, but she does not know him as I know him.

*done the right things - I am disintegrating now...

He can send his solicitor. Or an estate agent or surveyor. Someone else. He cannot come, surely, even if you were out when he came.

It's not a question of knowing him she should know that in cases of dv it's simply not on full stop.

I don't believe inspection is necessary, I mean he's only doing this to harass you, but if you can't get out of it, it has to be done by a third party.

Is this the same solicitor who didn't dissuade you from mediation? Please call or drop into a One Stop Shop branch and talk to one of their solicitors, I don't think you are getting good advice for an abuse scenario.

Feck, xposted and missed that bit about the sol wanting you to let Toad into the house - FUCK NO!

But I can't do anything about it.

Of course you can. If this inspection is going to be carried out, it can only be carried out by a third party full stop. And if it means firing your solicitor, and replacing then with one more experienced with abuse, then so be it.

Your solicitor cannot guarantee your safety if that man comes into your house. It makes a nonsense of the injunctions, and it will encourage him to turn up again.

You must tell your solicitor that you think his mental health is deteriorating.

Karen, can you contact the Police on 101 and explain about the non contact order and his consistent breaking of it and his harassment and that of his solicitors, and now his demand to come to the house.

I'm sure they can advise on what to do. Perhaps you could ask either for the Police to be there when he comes on Monday or for them to stop him coming altogether.

I was thinking exactly the same, that she should call 101, because I don't think the police will be happy the solicitor is recommending breaching the injunctions.

I thought of suggesting police protection while he's there, but that's not the answer, he shouldn't go full stop.

I don't want to scare the OP, but I know of a case of a woman who was stabbed to death by her ex while the police were at her house. He ran in from the garden with a knife, she ran off down the road to get away from him, the police didn't manage to restrain him, and he had caught up with her and stabbed her before the police managed to catch up with him.

You never have any idea which abusive men are capable of that kind of insanity, and Toad is clearly not mentally well.

Everybody, including the solicitor should be erring on the side of safety.

Er, yes you can - you don't HAVE to do what your solicitor suggests, you know!

Definitely talk to other people as suggested - you have a breached non-contact order, you're being harassed, not only by your ex but also by his solicitors and now your own sol wants you to put yourself in jeopardy by allowing the fuckwit into your house, where he isn't supposed to be, to inspect some stupid sodding tiles that he probably wouldn't even have the first clue what he's looking at? No. Just NO!

And since you can't be there and nor can the children, he'll just use it as a legit opportunity to rob you of anything else he feels like while he's there, and you won't even be able to report it to the police this time around because you would have agreed for him to be there.

This is nonsense. Serious nonsense - please please post in Legal, get further advice from a specialist in this area etc. etc.

OP I think you should seriously consider changing your solicitor.

Posting in legal is a great idea.

Doesnt the Non Mol order have powers of arrest?

Surely one call to the police and he will be arrested, why dont you want to do that? I think you said it would cause problems with the settlement etc but nothing is worth you being terrified in your own home.

The builder has agreed to meet Toad outside the property, take him round the back into the conservatory and stay with him the entire time. He also kindly suggested to text me when Toad has departed and it was safe for me to go back into my home.

I will get him to accept this per email, if this does not get sent back to me by 9:30 on Monday morning, the agreement gets cancelled.

So far the plan.

I needed to calm down first, and I will phone the police tomorrow during the day to get some more advice and explain things. If I am very lucky, someone will come and watch out for me.

We really want all this to be over, the house sold and move on. My nerves are just not very good anymore.

I wish I had some family here. This is the most unfair thing of all that we are not even allowed to see our family. We have absolutely nobody.

I wish I had not agreed to do this. But I didn't think I had the choice.

If you don't think you have a choice then damage limitation is important. See what the police have to say.

Please, please get a new Solicitor, yours sounds more of a liability than an asset, you need one who is not prepared to put you in danger and who doesn't condone his constant harassment.

Of course you have a choice.

Just cancel the whole thing pending further legal and police advice.

It's putting your builder in an incredibly difficult situation. If toad goes off round the house or refuses to leave - what he do about it? He has no experience of this type of thing. The whole thing is madness.

Toad needs to organise a third party to do the inspection.

I think you need to call Women's Aid and talk to them. Ask them to recommend a solicitor experienced with abuse. Also call your local One Stop Shop - they're usually open one day a week & you can make an appointment to see their solicitor. I think you need to get a new solicitor recommended either by them or Women's Aid.

This is a stressful enough process, but your solicitor is making it worse by poor advice. She should be the one getting on to your ex's solicitors to stop his harassment of you.

You are all right. With his current state of mind, it is a huge risk and it will put the builder into a terrible position who is a really nice and helpful chap.

I shall call the police tomorrow morning (not on a Saturday night) and get advice.

It shows how terrified we still are of him and quite right to. He is completely crazy.

He wouldn't in theory get into the house through the conservatory but if he just decided to go through the garage, how can the builder stop him?

Great, I'm glad you're calling police, but please also call the other places I mentioned. If you spoke to a solicitor experienced in abuse you would see the difference immediately, and they could really get things moving for you with regard to toad and his sols harassment of you.

Thank you Twinkle I will check with the police tomorrow morning. I didn't think Saturday night would be a good time.

Karen, have a look on WWK 's thread at HoneyBadger' s latest post. Very relevant to you just now.

Yes, you are right. As much as I loathe and fear having Toad come round, I trust my solicitor to take the correct decision, as she always does.

The police: 'Do call us if there is a problem, love'.

I don't think she does though, this is the second poor decision she's made, that has put you through a great deal of stress. It's irresponsible in the circumstances.

I think you should take a look at thenamehaschanged's thread and see what a difference changing her lawyer made to her situation.

Anyway, I'm not going to go on about it. It's up to you.