Dh had an emotional affair with someone he met on a sex website. The whole thing lasted a few months, on the night he went to meet her for the first time he had massive regret and told me about it. No sex was involved, but touching was.
We were in therapy for several months together, then we went to therapy several months apart with different therapists. At the time, we had been married 13 years. It's been over a year since it has happened, we'll be married 15 years in the spring.
We are together but there were tons and tons (and tons) of stipulations. HE had to be the one to initially seek us counseling. HE had to agree to full disclosure of all texts, emails, anything at any time that I could have access to, ask him about, look at without his knowledge, etc.
I do love him, and I do know he loves me. He from the beginning took 100% of the responsibility, admitted guilt, told me everything I wanted to know, asked forgiveness, etc. etc. That seems to be (after knowing of several other women that husband's had affairs) the common denominator - that the person having the affair admitted guilt, was committed to the relationship, and Worked to make that happen.
Deep down I do trust him, it's the more superficial trust issues that are hard on me still. For example, deep down when his text goes off I know it isn't some woman, but I will still ask who it is and what they wanted, etc. That got to be more of a habit, I'm sorry to say. I have forgiven him, but have not forgotten certainly. He knows that if ever anything remotely resembling another woman comes into the picture, that I will divorce him. So if he does do it again, he would be really just be making the decision to get divorced from me.
Do I hate him still, yes, definitely sometimes. Do I love him still? Yes, definitely all the times. Are we thriving? No, not yet. But are we surviving? Yes, we are. Hopefully some day surviving with become thriving. But really, trust is hard, Very hard to regain once it's broken like that.