Sorry, posted too soon. We have had a lot of screaming fits from DD. I hate it when she cries and I admit that I get short and snappy with people when she is screaming because she needs me to sort her out. I tried my best to sit quietly with her until she had calmed down and I had calmed down too. But apparently every time if did this I was being 'cold'.
At the beginning of the journey today I was flustered because our cottage had a powercut so we couldn't pack til the morning. And I was up for 4hrs during the night with the DCs. We'd just set off and had to stop 10mins in to feed DD (cue stressed me listening to her crying) in the hot car. Anyway I got upset because I was hot, tired & dehydrated, I needed to rearrange a few bits in the car and DD was screaming. I had a bit of a mad mini ute and some tears 'I can't do this' (buggy got wedged on my foot) 'I'm too hot', 'I'm really thirsty'. Childish and unnecessary, but I couldn't control myself at the time.
Once we were back driving again OH got really angry. Shouting at me and telling me that it was like living with a child and how I have ruined the holiday for everyone. He said when we get home he wants me out of his life for good.
I hate the thougt that I've been mean to everyone. Because it really wasn't intentional, if I made people feel uncomfortable it wasn't through choice, and I feel terrible now. I wish we hadn't come on holiday as it was really hard with DD so young.
OH has calmed down now and it's acting like neither of our outbursts happened. We are about to stop for dinner before the next leg of the journey. I don't feel I can be bothered to have a meal with him, but DS and DD will be hungry so I'll stop for them.