Am I being selfish

[Blossomflowers]

I need some advise and want to know if I am being unreasonable. So I am a very young grandmother, (DS21) mother to DS 14, I work full time and recently spilt from long term partner, ( another thread running) needless to day I am struggling with money issues, time issues and life in general. I have started dating again which is nice just to have company and keeping me sane if I m honest.

So problem is Grandsons are 1 and 2 and hard work to look after, I have just had a text asking if I could babysit again on Saturday night I have arrangements already made so apologised and said I am busy. Sons girlfriend has just sent me very rude text, saying I am selfish, that going out and getting pissed is more important ( I might have a glass of wine ffs) and know where my priorities lie and she will never ask again.

I have looked after them several times in last couple of weeks, when son had hospital appointments and am happy to have them for a couple of hours but anymore it really stresses me out. An quite frankly do not want to give up me Saturday nights. I have had several very rude text today which are very upsetting my am trying to remain calm. So please tell me what you think am I being selfish

At 14 he has his own opinions - and you can let him know that its perfectly fine for him to express this one. It's his decision and he doesn't need to be ashamed about it.

Well, she probably can't understand why your son would possibly be on the side of such an evil person in the first place and is caringly trying to extract him from your clearly evil grasp.

She probably thinks she's being kind and loving

You won't get far if you expect her to clearly assess her own behaviour - sorry!

In case it's not clear from the above, I think you are completely in the right here :)

mistle yes I know, but worried he is going to upset his brother, who seems to be totally brain washed by her.
plump thanks It is actually worrying she is a mum to two small boys. We are talking about someone who feeds babies Super Noodles instead of proper food. I have never mentioned my disapproval, wish I had now.

At 14, he is old enough to babysit for her.

^First thing I thought.

where why should he though.? This person does not deserve to be helped out now. Mind you might put him off having kids for a long time.

Sorry, not suggesting that he should in the slightest, more that that's why she's keen to have him onside.

Ah valid point, never thought of that. She seems so manipulative would not put it past her.

There's also a 'divide and conquer' argument Blossom - if she gets her partner's brother to visit her and him, then he's going to look like his sympathies lie with his brother (and by extension her). Therefore, it will back up her assertion that you're awful.

Also, once she's got him there she will have an opportunity to be really really nice and sweet and confuse the poor lad.

Machiavellian, I tell you!

Wow, just read this thread, what a manipulative evil bitch!

After reading so many toxic family threads I honestly feel that your best course of action is total NC and please do not allow her to have any influence over your other DS.

What an awful situation to be in.

Oh Blossom what a PITA she is. Trying to get DS2 on-side, pathetic, and quite clearly hoping for a free babysitter, or for peanuts.

I'm afraid DS1 is being a doormat.

Apparently she sent messages to DS2 but he snapped @ me this morning when I asked him about it. I so need this right now not.

Blossom, quite a few people have suggested to you to take a step back. Asking to read DS2's texts is a big no-no, I hope you can see that. Try and disengage from it and encourage trust in both your sons. You need to let it go and retain your dignity.

daughter exactly that, I did not ask to read text, he mentioned she had been texting, I am remaining NC, unless things really get out of hand I suppose