Am I being selfish

[Blossomflowers]

I need some advise and want to know if I am being unreasonable. So I am a very young grandmother, (DS21) mother to DS 14, I work full time and recently spilt from long term partner, ( another thread running) needless to day I am struggling with money issues, time issues and life in general. I have started dating again which is nice just to have company and keeping me sane if I m honest.

So problem is Grandsons are 1 and 2 and hard work to look after, I have just had a text asking if I could babysit again on Saturday night I have arrangements already made so apologised and said I am busy. Sons girlfriend has just sent me very rude text, saying I am selfish, that going out and getting pissed is more important ( I might have a glass of wine ffs) and know where my priorities lie and she will never ask again.

I have looked after them several times in last couple of weeks, when son had hospital appointments and am happy to have them for a couple of hours but anymore it really stresses me out. An quite frankly do not want to give up me Saturday nights. I have had several very rude text today which are very upsetting my am trying to remain calm. So please tell me what you think am I being selfish

Thanks Amessage , part of the problem also is that it is really is like looking after twins as so close together and youngest a very hard work. Last week when I looked after them I could not even find a clean bottle or food to feed them, it was sprung on at the last moment. Also I was having a sugar crash because I was hungry ( I have diabetes) Oh but apparently I never do anything for them. This had made me very sad. X said I should not tell my son as it will cause trouble.

Is your son actually happy with his situation?

I think you should have a heart to heart with your son and appropriate refer him to www.mankind.org.uk/

If she is abusive to you then probably is to your son too.

No I do not think my son is happy but he would never say anything, they have only been together a short time she became pregnant within a month of going out. He does not have a life really. I am going to text him now and ask him to call me.

I would never, ever ask for someone to do me a favour like that, and it is a favour. I can count the number of nights out me and DH have had since ds was born on one hand and ds is seven. Some of that is preference and circumstance, but your son's partner is just going to have to wait a while because that's what parents do! We don't get to go out without a thought when we have young children.

You are not being selfish at all!

It may be worth working hard to make sure you keep contact and support with your son, and save your babysitting for the times she's left him with the kids.

hello lisa I will not be going to the house DS and GK's are welcome in my home, trouble he does not drive so I will have to pick him up. But not this weekend because I am busy

For goodness sake TELL YOUR SON Blossom. Just as we always tell DIL to let their husbands deal with their own mother, you must show these appalling texts to your son. Express your hurt and feelings of being taken for granted or it will get worse and worse. I would never ever be so rude to my MIL!

I have no idea whether it work or pleasure, she does go out alot and leaves DS to look after kids

I think this is the problem - you don't really know what is going on behind closed doors.

I would step back but talk to DS and ask some really direct questions about what is going on and see if there is anything you can do help him sort it out. That level of resentment doesn't come from nowhere. It seems as though she is attacking you for things her son is doing or not doing.

tell her to go fuck herself!

no dont, ignore me. However she is a DICK of the highest order and YANBU to have a life post divorce

I would answer along the lines of:

DIL, in case you have not noticed I have recentlysplit up with exP. I am trying to get my feet on the ground,and have started to socialise again. therefore I have plans arranged. if I were free, of course I would babysit.

I love my DGS very much, and if you arrange times with me I will happily babysit, as I have done quite a few times recently. However I am a bit taken aback you want me to cancel my plans on your behalf. Do you think my life is so unimportant?

I am here for you, but please refrain from sending me abusive text messages- is everything OK??

Tell your son. I doubt he'll get the true story from her.

Lots of times on MN, I've read posts from women in abusive relationships finding it hard tell their parents. Maybe he is in an abusive relationship. Knowing you have been on the receiving end of her irrational angry behaviour might make it easier for him to talk to you. Even if not, he should know.

I have re read the text and I replied @ her inital request that I was busy that night and said weekends are not good for me atm but things may change when life settles down she replied well at least I knew where my priorty's are, to which I replied that does she expect me to keep weekends free in case she needs a baby sitter,? and this where she replied we have asked over 15 times ( last baby sitting last Tuesday )for help but a no coz you would rather go out and get pissed. Cheeky bitch

Give her the number of some babysitters in the area.

unreal Good idea.
Bloody put me off my date tonight.
Just text DS and asked him to call me. She might intercept the message though

So how often do her parents babysit? It infuriates me how gps are expected to come running at the drop of a hat. I had to gently point out that I wasn't a little old retired knitting granny but a full time working mum like yourself. I also mentioned that I didn't ask dd to get pregnant! But dd knew which side her bread was buttered so she and her partner were never rude. I'm happy to babysit IF I'm not busy and with plenty of notice. They get that now. It's so easy to feel guilty but stick to your guns OP

She does sound very ungrateful. Are her parents available to babysit too or does she just expect it of you?

Ah her mum is happy to babysit anytime, does not work and always babysits, though not sure what has happened recently. There was a bit of an argument as sons gf got a staffy dog and she thought it was not safe for GK's I agree but made no comment about that either. Hate the damm thing though. They recently asked for money that really do not have.

They're taking the piss. Say no to the money. You need to talk to your son soon. Stay strong and enjoy your date tonight.

tall I think you may have commented on another thread about this sort of thing. It makes me mad they chose to have too kids close together, I was very unhappy because of the ages and just knew they would expect lots of help that I am not able to give, they make me feel so guilty. So you know exactly how I feel, she has is an idiot for pulling that stunt this morning

Blimey no wonder the children are a handful, always being pushed out of the way, no doubt now the staffie gets attention over them.

Has she always been like this?

Unreal - I think its more likely that the staffie also gets ignored and is therefore even more OTT when it does get some attention...

She sounds sad and resentful No she doesn't, she sounds down right selfish, disrespectful & rude

Well I sent DS a text and have had no reply

You need to text her this: Have you forgotten whose children they are, dear? I didn't give birth to them, YOU did. Your children, your responsibility. I love being with them, but I'm their grandmother, not a childminder.

I'm v lucky in that all my son's GPs want to be involved, but we never take the piss.

oxford very tempting but I am going to leave her to apologise as she bloody well should. I have to say thanks to all of you that posted as for a small window of time I thought I really was selfish. How can someone so young be so manipulative and make me feel guilty.

She sounds awful, please stick to your guns and go out as planned- Im in the same kind of situation, but my DD's would never speak to me like that- I regularly babysit for my DGS and DGD who are only babies , but it is hard after working full time all week and I also still have a son at home and a step daughter too- so although ive done my bit, Im still doing it-with elderley parents too! I'm shattered most of the time!
Speak to your son and go out on Saturdays or when ever you want you owe DIL nothing and you are not selfish at all!

mrsn It is hard work isn't.

To top it all is that I am on my own, ( spilt with X end of last year) guess ifI was with someone it would be different. The idea being @ their messy house with horrible dog on my own Saturday night is really a horrible prospect.