DP wants me to put my wages directly into his bank

[TheShitCook]

The set up is that DP had a current account of his own when we moved in together. I also had my own account which I have had for the past 13 or so years. My wages and child maintenance from the ex (and child benefit) all go into my account.

We made DP's account a joint account when we first started living together and all his wages go into it. Once I have my wages, I transfer most into the joint account. Some I keep back for kids pocket money and the odd direct debit I have but no more than about £60 a month.

DP earns £33k. I currently earn £14k. All bills come out of the joint account.

So the set up now is that we have one joint account and I have a personal account.

DP now wants me to get my wages etc paid directly into the joint account. I see his point as that would make it "fair" and we both have access to it but I'm worried. Basically my own account has always been my security blanket and as "financial abuse" was cited as a reason for his last divorce I'm extra paranoid.

Am I being unreasonable to want to keep things as they are? I suppose I am as he doesn't have a "personal account" but there is just a niggle there telling me not to do it and I don't know why.

here's some links that you might want to take a look at:

www.moneywise.co.uk/cut-your-costs/family-life/financial-abuse-how-to-protect-yourself

www.adviceguide.org.uk/nireland/debt_ni/debt_banking_e/joint_bank_accounts.htm , this one is from CAB - you might be especially interested in the bit that tells you how you open a joint bank account and the different types of access (mandate) that each individual can have within that joint account

seriously, i'd be giving his ex a call. find out the truth.

Do nut do this under any circumstances ..my suspicion is that he is preparing another 'financial abuse'.........take care

Over and above any of the advise given to you here, I think the most important thing is that YOUR instincts are telling you that there is an issue. It doesnt feel right to you and there is likely very good reason for that.

If he makes a big deal out of you saying no to this then you know there is an issue. A genuine guy would understand you keeping your account and would see the sense in having one himself too.

Just to list out some of the reasons this is a bad idea:

• He would be able to see every penny you've spent in the statements. So even if you have the physical ability to spend from that account, you might end up having to explain every single payment, justify everything, and potentially put up with tutting and comments about every little thing he disagrees with until you end up restricting your own spending. (Given his history with his ex...)
• He will have the ability to clean out the account and take every penny you earned, at any time. So would you, yes - but you're not the one with a history of financial abuse, are you, so he's surely got less to worry about there.
• You would have no opportunity to save any money, or build up emergency funds if you hit problems in your relationship at any point; and if you wanted to change that at any time, it would be obvious to him as you would have to change the wages transfer first.
• You would be putting your child's money at risk as well as your own, potentially leaving you both with nothing if he decided to empty or block access to the account.
• If you closed your account, then if you did hit any problems with the joint account in future, it would be more complicated, and take longer, to get the wages/maintenance/CB switched back to you as you would first have to get a new account opened.
• If his account turns out to be not a fully joint account in both your names (DO please check this out!), then he can block your access to it at any time even without having to move the money out. Which would mean not only he would get to keep all the money already in there, but also any further CB, wages etc that got paid in afterwards but before you'd had the chance to change them.
• If the account is actually in his name only, as unmarried partners you would lose ownership of all the money as soon as it went in there and have no claim to any of it if he decided to be an arse - or if he died, as someone pointed out above.

If he really wants it to be "fair", there's absolutely no reason why he can't open his own personal account instead. But even then, you should still check what's the real position of your "joint" account, as you are still putting nearly all your money in there now!

PS if the joint account has a chequebook, you could see what it says on the cheques - both names or just his? I'm not sure if it's always that way, but on ours our individual accounts obviously have just one name on but the joint one has "A & BC Example" on it, so that may give you more idea. But do check with the bank too.

A couple of things also spring to mind.
What is your agreement on personal spending money?
And how do you save money?
And what is your living situation? Rent? Own?