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Original poster

Friends staying with GF baby - driving me insane!

114 replies

fp · 26/03/2002 20:43

We have some friends staying with us since Sunday for a week. They have a 7 month baby boy who is VERY strictly on the CLB routine. My children are 2yrs+2 months and 8 weeks. Needless to say things are a bit hectic and unpredictable in our house at the moment. And I'm fairly laid back, let my kids find their own routine and its not as if they are up all night, in fact they both sleep well.
First of all our friends asked if we have blackout curtains (after they arrived) and were a bit put out when we said we didnt have any. Their son has woken up at 6 both mornings. We cant go out when we want in case their son falls asleep in the car and sleeps at the wrong time, my daughter missed playgroup today as a result. They asked to come and we said yes as we thought it would be fun with all the babies and at least we have a granny flat so they are staying there and eating and spending the day in our house (no granny right now!).
They are insisting we follow these routines down to the nearest 5 mins. I had never seen this in action and it is going to drive me mad by the end of the week (they are here till Saturday). I am already on the verge of wanting them to leave as they are being all preachy about this and trying to make me di it with my baby who is sleeping really well, they say it would make him happier but I dont want to.
Should I tell them they are driving me mad, and ask them to lay off, or grin and bear it. Needless to say I am driving my dh insane going on about it. They are REALLY good friends and we have known ewch other for 15 years, I dont want to ruin the friendship but if they dont stop telling me how to bring up my kids I dont think I will ever want to see them again!

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 26/03/2002 21:02

fp, it sounds like hell!

Since you sound more relaxed about your parenting at the moment than they are, how about breezily saying things like "ah well, each to his own!" when they make unwelcome suggestions about how you should bring up your kids (although I know that it's b*** annoying!).

Or you could try dramatically changing the subject which should make it clear that you don't want to hear it.

Maybe because they are new-ish parents they're a bit more evangelical about the ideas and techniques they've chosen than you are? If you want to stay friends then I think you have to try to grin and bear it and hope that the time comes when they calm down a bit.

Also, if they are insisting on sticking to their routines then maybe you could insist on sticking to yours too in terms of getting your dd to playgroup etc? If they are that keen on routine they should understand HTH. Good luck!

celestine · 26/03/2002 22:06

fp, try to bear with them, its only for a week. I too became quite evangelical about clb routine but only because I was so relieved to have a baby that slept (after having 3 years for no sleep etc I didn't want to jeopardise my sleeping new baby in anyway. She's now 15 months and I'm more relaxed as I know if her routine is broken she still will go through the night and get her routine back. But when it's still a novelty having a baby that sleeps you don't want to wreck it at all. I'd let her go on and know that in a year or so she'll be out of this phase - it's not worth spoiling your relationship. Also I think this is something that will come up again - the fact that people with whom you are good friends have kids and suddenly start being the most superior advice-giving know-it-alls.

Pupuce · 26/03/2002 22:26

You can tell them that GF says herself that after 4 months they CAN REALX with the routine,the child will be fine. Done it myslef - it's page 96 of the bloody book!!!!

LiamsMum · 27/03/2002 02:01

Sorry to veer off the subject a bit, but can anyone tell me what CLB stands for? Thanks.

SueDonim · 27/03/2002 02:24

Contented Litttle Baby as in Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby Book.

Original poster

fp · 27/03/2002 10:11

Ha ha this morning both my kids slept longer than theirs.
I asked about ligtening up on the routine as pupuce suggested but they said they didnt want to risk it. I feel more sad about it this morning than anything, they dont seem to have any joy in their baby, its all worrying about how much he ate, how much he slept, did he sleep 5 mins too long etc. There's no spontinaety, no laughing, no fun.
Do you mind if I moan about it here the rest of the week? It#ll save my friendship and my marriage lol dh is hacked off with them and also with me going on about it!

OP posts:

bundle · 27/03/2002 10:52

moan away, flp, it's good to get it out of your system...
My dd is a kind of hybrid CLB child (now 21 mths) - ie I used it as a guide when I was a new mum & feeling a bit bewildered at around 6 weeks, but your friend sounds like a case of tail wagging dog. Your dd missing her playgroup because of her rigidity is just NOT ON and you're right to feel p**d off.

Pupuce · 27/03/2002 10:54

fp- I have a SIL who is like tha (baby on CLBB as well and very to the minute - my fault I gave her the book!) - but you know what she is like that with every thing... they are never truly relaxed and if it wasn't that routine it would be something else.

Do you want me to give you the quote from page 96 ???? I SWEAR they can relax - there is no risk of their baby starting to wake up in the middle of the night, etc

tigermoth · 27/03/2002 10:57

fp, moan away! It sounds like hell. Just keep saying they are new parents under your breath. If it gets to crisis point, and you simply can't grin and bear it any longer, how about saying that one of your children is a little off colour, (they had been sick in the night and were running a small temperature etc) therefore you are going to have a quiet day with alone with them. You don't want the precious 7 month old visitor to pick up a bug.

Also, say to your friends that when the little ones are in bed, you will cook the adults a special evening meal.

Original poster

fp · 27/03/2002 11:18

You know what it is - its the implication that because I'm not doing it their way I'm somehow giving my children 2nd best! I know I am a good mum, and I have healthy, very happy children. So why should they make me feel guilty. Its not helping my pnd I can tell you!

OP posts:

Enid · 27/03/2002 11:28

fp, when dd was 7 months old we went on holiday with another couple with a nearly 3 year old. I was adamant that we stick as much as possible to GF and looking back on it, it must have been a real pain. My friends were tight lipped at times and I know they thought I was a real fusspot (I was!). Luckily they never said anything outright and we are still the best of friends.

I think I was a bit of a paranoid first time mum, I so badly didn't want anything to upset the holiday. Your friends probably feel really worried that if they deviate from the routine their dd will wake in the night, or be a nightmare and this will upset you.

Please try to be patient, as their daughter grows and they all get more used to staying away from home I'm sure they'll mellow out and you can all put this behind you!

JoAnne427 · 27/03/2002 11:34

fp - I thought of you first thing this morning as I peeked in at dd who was sleeping - 5:30 a.m. and the light was coming in her room - and thought about those blackout curtians...it is now 6:30 a.m. here, and I am hoping she sleeps at least another hour!

It is difficult when you feel someone is implying their way is better then yours...especially when it comes to parenting, and this is your second go round! I agree with others here that you should not allow your schedule to be altered (unless you are okay with it). That is something they should be able to understand!

Best of luck for the rest of the week - I hope you do get to enjoy some of the time with them - it would be a shame if they can't relax a bit, as you said this is a very good long term friendship...

And venting here is a wonderful release, so keep it up! And congrats on the new baby...

tigermoth · 27/03/2002 11:39

Yes, it's horrible to have your parenting skills put under the spotlight. You're just going to have to grow a thick skin. Don't let these two snug so and so's think you are having doubts about your own way of doing things. They will be on your back even more. Just keep saying 'how wonerful' in a vague way every when they tell you how good their baby is being. If they criticise something you do, just smile and say 'oh well..' Don't be drawn into justifying what you are doing. It will only make you feel worse.

tigermoth · 27/03/2002 11:42

Spelling! smug, not snug.

manna · 27/03/2002 13:16

Apart from anything else - a 7 month old baby, even a clb, should be able to stay awake in a car for some amount of time. Especially if he's a clb and therefore should be falling asleep on the dot of his sleep times by then. My ds is 4.5mths and a happy clb. However, I'm confident to start stretching the rules a bit now to suit us both. After all, I don't want him to miss out on things just for the sake of some book. If he's hungry / tired he'll let me know, right? The black outs are a must, but they should never presume you would have them: the only people I know have them are other clbb mums! Also - if they are still sticking so rigidly to this routine at 7 months they'll probably end up with a very inflexible kid - they need to stretch the boundaries a bit for all of their sakes! I hereby promise never to become a pain in the *** about clbb

Tillysmummy · 27/03/2002 13:19

I must be missing something because I haven't ever read the CLBB but have friends that have. We still have a strict routine and have black out blinds and things but DD manages to break her routine and it never affects her. She also sometimes is tired earlier than normal as well and I just go with her. One book I did read some of was a book by Tracy Hogg who calls herself the 'baby whisperer' - anyone else read that ?

susanmt · 27/03/2002 13:39

Funny enough my children both sleep fine throuhg the day and night without any blackout blinds. We live in the far north of Scotland where, in the summer, it never really gets dark at all, and they sleep fine at any time of day or year with no blackout curtains. I like this because it means they are flexible whenever we go anywhere. I would hate to be like this couple - sounds like they are very insecure.

Pupuce · 27/03/2002 13:39

If you do a search - you'll see that we have talked about her before.

Tillysmummy · 27/03/2002 13:40

talked about who ?

Pupuce · 27/03/2002 13:44

Tracey Hogg !

Tillysmummy · 27/03/2002 13:46

sorry bit slow today - feeling very coldy

Original poster

fp · 27/03/2002 14:18

I have been reading some of the other threads about GF on this site - it seems there has bee a lot of hassle with it, and some people have been pretty insensitive. I hope I am not coming over I dont mean to - its just that this is so alien to me I need a moan! Sorry!!

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 27/03/2002 15:15

When we started the GF routine we were pretty strict about it too - just because it seemed to work so well we didn't want anything to suddenly spoil it! Now I look back I can see how silly that is, but first-time mothers do get insanely paranoid about anything and everything, probably the hormones or something. I'm sure your friend isn't questioning your parenting skills, sounds like she is too wound up in her own to notice yours.

Just try to imagine what it was like having your first child. Is this their first time away from home too? Sympathy is the best option here, maybe she could do with a listening ear, she might be finding it tough to cope with. Don't let this put your friendship under strain, this paranoia won't last long and when their ds is a bit older, they'll probably relax the routine a bit. Try to talk to her about how she feels and how she is coping, their unhappiness with the baby doesn't sound right, maybe she is timidly asking for help?

tiktok · 27/03/2002 16:37

I remember friends of ours - they weren't doing GF, but they did drive us crazy when they stayed with us. They could never agree or decide about whether they would leave their baby to cry, or not, or feed him without formula, or with. She would weigh her breasts all the time to see if she felt there was enough milk in to try to breastfeed (I mean weigh with her hands, not on the scales!!). I didn't say anything ; ) They then decided the reason the baby was screaming was because he needed a bath - at midnight. So we got the baby bath out and filled it, and he still screamed and screamed. I just thought he wanted feeding....but she wanted him to feed in a routine. Or sometimes she did. And sometimes she didn't. Things were much better with her later two babies, and she went with the flow a lot more. Phew.

JoAnne427 · 27/03/2002 16:52

I read the Baby Whisperer - it was released here while I was pregnant and was all the rage - she was on all the talk shows, the book stores had it back ordered, etc. All the couples in my birthing class had it, friends got it at showers, etc. She recently released a toddler's versions - I have two copies (gifts - she had a book signing locally), and have not opened either!

There were some very helpful points in it - and there were some times that I was ready to hurl it out the window!

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