Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friends staying with GF baby - driving me insane!

114 replies

fp · 26/03/2002 20:43

We have some friends staying with us since Sunday for a week. They have a 7 month baby boy who is VERY strictly on the CLB routine. My children are 2yrs+2 months and 8 weeks. Needless to say things are a bit hectic and unpredictable in our house at the moment. And I'm fairly laid back, let my kids find their own routine and its not as if they are up all night, in fact they both sleep well.
First of all our friends asked if we have blackout curtains (after they arrived) and were a bit put out when we said we didnt have any. Their son has woken up at 6 both mornings. We cant go out when we want in case their son falls asleep in the car and sleeps at the wrong time, my daughter missed playgroup today as a result. They asked to come and we said yes as we thought it would be fun with all the babies and at least we have a granny flat so they are staying there and eating and spending the day in our house (no granny right now!).
They are insisting we follow these routines down to the nearest 5 mins. I had never seen this in action and it is going to drive me mad by the end of the week (they are here till Saturday). I am already on the verge of wanting them to leave as they are being all preachy about this and trying to make me di it with my baby who is sleeping really well, they say it would make him happier but I dont want to.
Should I tell them they are driving me mad, and ask them to lay off, or grin and bear it. Needless to say I am driving my dh insane going on about it. They are REALLY good friends and we have known ewch other for 15 years, I dont want to ruin the friendship but if they dont stop telling me how to bring up my kids I dont think I will ever want to see them again!

OP posts:
Lizzer · 10/04/2002 00:18

fp - although I whole-heartedly agree with Marina's coments about there being articulate and discerning users of GF in the world and on this website, but you know what my evil side thinks...?

I'd have paid good money to watch you torch the books (you didn't capture the whole event on video did you?!)

SueW · 10/04/2002 01:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

bloss · 10/04/2002 03:49

Message withdrawn

Original poster
fp · 10/04/2002 10:06

Lizzer - dh (who also has an evil twin) wanted to video it and SEND it to them! But I refused! Sorry!!!!

OP posts:
bossykate · 10/04/2002 12:40

Marina, Jasper - Thanks for the kind words!

Lizzer - welcome back!

Lizzer · 12/04/2002 00:24

1000 curses! I may have to purchase my own copy for the burnin' instead then..!

Bloss, you missed me, you really missed me?!

SueDonim · 12/04/2002 00:54

Welcome back, Lizzer! I'll look out for a second-hand copy of CLBB for you to burn, at our upcoming NCT sale, though I'm not hopeful as no one much in my neck of the woods seems to have heard of GF.

Original poster
fp · 12/04/2002 09:02

Oh this is great, I am SO glad there are at least SOME other people with my opinion of GF in babyworld I was beginning to despair and think I was the only rebel in the place! I can say this, it's me who started the thread!!!
The friend who sent me the book phoned last night - and I was a coward. I just didn't mention the books and neither did she!! I think she doesn't want to know!!

OP posts:
Joe1 · 12/04/2002 11:13

Fp I would have binned them too, cant stand routine I like to go with the flow, shame she couldnt leave it at just the flowers. When are you going to visit her for a fortnight and let your out of control no routine children loose in her house?

SueDonim · 12/04/2002 12:30

LOL, Joe1. And Fp, you could send a copy of "The Continuum Concept" to your friend!

MalmoMum · 12/04/2002 22:04

Brilliant idea Joe1. With just the tail end of a mild ailment to ensure you have a cop out for any out-of-sorts behaviour. Maybe your older one's fav toy could be loud and electronic.

jasper · 13/04/2002 11:35

If you send a copy of the Continuum Concept you may read a discussion on a website somewhere that it had been ritually burned...along with a three week discussion on how preposterous the whole concept is......just a thought

Thewiseone · 13/04/2002 21:23

I have read several authors like Sheila Kitzinger criticize the CC concept because it is fine for newborns but inappropriate for older than newborns... also does not take into account the mother's needs, etc...
Is SueDonim, the only CC fan around ????

SueDonim · 13/04/2002 23:16

I think there are other CC fans about but I'm not strictly a fan, anyway. I haven't read it all the way through and didn't come across it until after my children were past the baby stage, so haven't used it. But it's closer to my philosophy than GF, which is why I suggested it as a counterpoint to CLLL.

SueDonim · 13/04/2002 23:16

Or CLBB!

SueW · 13/04/2002 23:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Original poster
fp · 14/04/2002 03:00

jasper - it did strike me that maybe my friend is on mumsnet and we never mentioned it. What if she has read all this!!!
Oh well too late now!

OP posts:
Original poster
fp · 14/04/2002 03:10

Thinking about it now, in the end it wasn't that it was Gina Ford or CLBB - it was the inferences (and downright cheek of telling me to my face) that her way was the best way and I was somehow damaging my chidren by not following this routine. That there was someting wrong with co-sleeping and demand breastfeeding and no blackout blinds and naps at roughly the same time each day, but hey, not till later on swimming days. Like I was doing something badly wrong by being laid back, even though I have two laid back children, am pretty relaxed myself (usually lol) and my dh is practically horizontal.
I know I have been critical of the GF way of doing things and I don't want to upset anyone the way I was upset in my own homw for a week because some smartass thought she knew better than me. I am genuinely pleased that the routines are working for those of youwho choose to use them, but what I like BEST is your attiude that it is right for you but not neccesarily for me.
I can see now that my friend is a very uptight parent who needs something to cling on to to prove that she is doing it 'right', and this is the thing she has chosen. When I think it through, I realise that she has always been like this about everything she thinks and does, it's just that it never impinged on my life the way it did when they visited us (it was the first time they had come to stay since they had a baby).
Next week we are going to stay with my Mother in law and she lives close to our friends, so we don't have to go and stay but will see them. I intend to be really nice and not mention anything at all!!! We'll see if my dh's evil twin can stand not to tell them about the bonfire!!

OP posts:
jasper · 14/04/2002 11:45

fp, how embarrassing if she is indeed a mumsnetter!
I think you have been incredibly restrained towards her, trying to tell you how to bring up your kids by whatever method.What a cheek!
I think I would have told her to lay off, perhaps jokingly as in " I think you are confusing me with someone who is at all interested in your parenting methods".
Do you think your friendship will ever be the same?

serena · 14/04/2002 23:59

fp I think it will be fascinating in years to come, to compare your kids with her's.

tigermoth · 15/04/2002 07:30

.....but very dangerous for your friendship

Original poster
fp · 15/04/2002 09:56

I really don't think our friendship is ever going to be the same, to tell you the truth.

OP posts:
bloss · 15/04/2002 10:41

Message withdrawn

Azzie · 15/04/2002 11:59

fp, I have a friend who was openly very critical of the way I was rearing my children and some of the decisions I made about them. Looking back now I can see that she was very unsure herself about what she was doing, and the only way she could justify her actions was by trying to believe that her way was the only way.

Luckily we are still friends (she has chilled out somewhat!) and last time I visited she actually remarked on how well behaved my kids were compared with hers (cue a bit of private smug satisfaction on my part!).

Original poster
fp · 02/05/2002 21:21

Hello - I am back from my holidays and we did see the 'friends' in question. She asked had I got the books I said yes. She asked had I read them I said no. She didn't ask had I ritually incinerated them in the fireplace so I wasn't called upon to answer it!
She did quiz me again about my routines (as is normal for me, a bit non existent except for our bedtimes but, hey, ds has started sleeping through!!!) and suggest routines would be better for my children. So .... I bit the bullet and said I didn't presume to tell her how to bring up her child and would very much appreciate her not telling me again, as if we were going to remain friends then we would have to agree to disagree on some aspects of childcare. She was a bit grumpy but finally agreed and we had a nice meal together with our dh's. But I dont know how friendly we are going to be in the future, it just doesn't seem to be working any more.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread