Friends staying with GF baby - driving me insane!

[fp]

We have some friends staying with us since Sunday for a week. They have a 7 month baby boy who is VERY strictly on the CLB routine. My children are 2yrs+2 months and 8 weeks. Needless to say things are a bit hectic and unpredictable in our house at the moment. And I'm fairly laid back, let my kids find their own routine and its not as if they are up all night, in fact they both sleep well.
First of all our friends asked if we have blackout curtains (after they arrived) and were a bit put out when we said we didnt have any. Their son has woken up at 6 both mornings. We cant go out when we want in case their son falls asleep in the car and sleeps at the wrong time, my daughter missed playgroup today as a result. They asked to come and we said yes as we thought it would be fun with all the babies and at least we have a granny flat so they are staying there and eating and spending the day in our house (no granny right now!).
They are insisting we follow these routines down to the nearest 5 mins. I had never seen this in action and it is going to drive me mad by the end of the week (they are here till Saturday). I am already on the verge of wanting them to leave as they are being all preachy about this and trying to make me di it with my baby who is sleeping really well, they say it would make him happier but I dont want to.
Should I tell them they are driving me mad, and ask them to lay off, or grin and bear it. Needless to say I am driving my dh insane going on about it. They are REALLY good friends and we have known ewch other for 15 years, I dont want to ruin the friendship but if they dont stop telling me how to bring up my kids I dont think I will ever want to see them again!

I am about to start the normal evening routine with my two children, which is not the same as Gina's routine. My friend is already obsessing about whether hers should go to bed earlier because he woke at 5.30 this morning with the light, despite many blankets and binliners pinned over the window, we have talked about nothing else all day except when he didn't eat all his lunch and she worried for an hour that he was going to be hungry.
She might be putting out a cry for help, but it is a funny way of showing it. I have been asked about 15 times today about when my ds takes his naps (irregularly right now, but I dont mind) and then she wanted me to read the CLBB to see how it should be happening at 8 weeks. I just said thanks for the offer but it's not really my style, and she kind of cast up her eyes as if to say 'well if you want your baby to have 2nd best ....' but I just smiled.
I'm tempted to tell her we are sucessfully co-sleeping as well but I think that is only for effect, what difference would it make. Or should I tell her? She knows we did it with dd and it is one of the best things about being a mum in my book (lol!!!) but I don't think I should get into a discussion on parenting styles. But I also want them to know there are other sucessful and fun ways to bring up perfectly contented children! Any thoughts?

If you really want to show your friend that there are other successful ways to bring up children, then try and stay as patient as possible and just be non-committal - or laugh and admit that you aren't in a routine because you can't be bothered with it all. I'm sure if you stay relaxed and calm she'll realise that not following the CLBB doesn't have to mean disaster!

and remember its nearly Wednesday night - only 2 more days to go!

or why don't you read the GF just to humour her. You don't have to actually do it!e

Or tell your friend that her routine is only GF's idea of how things should be done and that, amazing though it is, many of us had happy and contented babies even before GF wrote her book!

My favourite response to be used when someone gives me a piece of unwanted advice is, "Interesting". It never sounds offensive, but in my head I can think, "It's so interesting that you think I give a #*$& about what you're saying". And in thinking that, I can smile and go on my happy way.

Also, you know when her kids are going to nap, so maybe it'd be worth it to use that time to get away with your little ones? I mean, you don't want them to disturb the baby's nap or anything. Then have a great time and come back tired but happy.

The best thing to do is keep venting. You're more than halfway there. Good luck.

JJ, that is great advice, I'm going to use it next time someone says something I don't want to hear. Will have to perfect eyebrow arch and facial expression to go with it to convey the rest

I'll try that today JJ. I'll have to try hard not to giggle when I say 'interesting!'
We were woken at 5.45 this morning by my friends baby being left to cry so loudly that it woke up my dd who's room is directly above his. She came trotting through to our room and said 'oh dear baby crying'. As she usually sleeps till 7.30 we could have a bit of a grumpy day today! So the 'interesting' response will keep me sane!!

FP, I feel sorry for you and your friend. Your friend sounds really strung out by parenting and seems to be clinging to Gina for help. It is so boring listening to other people's obsessive worries about the exact timing of meals, sleeps etc.
We were semi-CLBers but I never expected other people to adjust to our routines and would always think "What the hell" for a couple of days.
I think it can often be difficult for parents when they stay together as inevitably parenting styles are going to differ and people that you have known really well can behave quite differently as parents. Having been on 4 holidays with other friends as parents, I can't tell you how many times I have had to bite my tongue.
Anyhow, I hope your friend will lighten up as she gets more experience and that her stay with you won't spoil things for the future.

I think we are doing quite well now - I am getting very good at just ignoring all the 'advice' we are being given, and they are going home tomorrow so I'm sure I can survive another day and a half.
Todays sound off - she was going on about it last night and said why don't I try him on the routines. I said my ds has a good routine of his own and I didn't want to change it as it fits in well with the way we live. I asked if she thought he was a content baby, to which she had to say yes because he is! But she said maybe he would be more content on the routine. I kind of lost it a bit at that point, and asked her (very politely) if she thought that I wasn't doing the best for my children as she was always suggesting a better way in her view. And she said she thought that they would be happier id they followed the GF routines. Our dh's had to change the subject because I was about to explode. She as good as told me I'm not doing the best for my kids, and that she is a better parent than me. There is no compromise in her views. I find that very sad because I hope my friends will be supportive of my parenting as I am supportive of theirs. It's a difficult job and we should support each other. She has apologised this morning but I don't think she meant it, it had the air of someone who has been told to apologise.
Anyway, I am still sane and they will be gone this time tomorrow!

fp - it's only her first child... she will (maybe not admit but) recognise that she went a bit too far with her first baby !
It's her insecurities !

P.S. I know some non GF babies who are very content but GF was a real plus for me and at the time it felt fabulous... expecially when I saw non GF babies who were hard to settle and mine wasn't. The point is that I needed that sort of method for me and could not understand why others didn't get it... I have a 2nd child now : very different.

pupuce - its one thing not to understand why people who have difficult children wont try something, its something else to say to someone with children who are happy, healthy and content (and following nearly the same routine as hers, getting more sleep and everything, and easy to settle) that your way is better. It would be like me saying to her that our children are equally happy and content but I think hers would be more content if they made their own routines, were demand fed and coslept with her. She wouldnt like that! Its the arrogance and superiority that annoys me!!

please, please has anyone got any good experiences of going on holiday with another family!! what was i thinking when i agreed to go on hols with friends and their kids? help!

fp - only 1 day to go, so keep taking deep breaths and counting to 10!

Im sure your friend doesnt mean to come across as always knowing whats best. I am a first time mum and I hate to admit it, but Im over anxious at times. When ds was 8 weeks we went abroad to stay with family for a month and I was terrified that ds would be awful and that it would somehow show me up as a bad parent. If he was up in the night or crying for a long time etc. I felt as if I was spoiling everyone elses holiday. Your friend probably feels secure with the rigid routine that she is used to and knows works for her baby.

She probably looks at you as the relaxed 2nd time mum, successfully coping with 2 children and by telling you how to do things she is covering up her own insecurities and feelings of being less capable than you.

Sorry I didnt express that very well, what I was trying to say really just echoed what Enid said. It would be such a shame to lose a good friendship over it. Maybe in another 15 years, you will both be able to look back on this week and laugh about it.

Bossykate

we go to oasis every year with friends and this year there will be eleven kids - it is fine although there are always little spats they mean nothing in the scheme of things.

fp - not long ot go now - keep your chin up

They are gone! We are relaxing and all slept in till 9am this morning! Hooray!
Thanks for all your support and advice!
fp

I have been reading this thread with interest, not because of the gf thing but because when parents get together there are almost always differences of opinion about parenting and routine etc.

I laughed at tiktok saying that her friends decided that their baby was crying because he needed a bath at midnight - that really is funny!

About holidays and other families - our experience wasn't very positive either, I'm afraid. We were really good friends before we went and our children were both 22 months and I was 6 months pregnant with my second child. My children are now 3 1/4 and 1 1/4 and I still don't think that our friendship is the same as before! Dh and I can laugh about it now but at the time...

We just lived so differently and were entirely incompatible in terms of routines, mealtimes, what we wanted to do, who did what chores etc the other mother assumed total control and started doing lots for my child as well as hers, organized what we were eating each day and who was cooking it and she did all the shopping and all the 'housework' Most of the things she had decided to cook were things one or other of us didn't like but we were never consulted! The niggles go on...

Mind you we hadn't been friends for long and had never stayed in each others' houses before or anything.

Hilary - interested to read your perspective on holidaying with another family. In 4 weeks time we are going to stay in a villa in France with some friends (we met through NCT) who have a son the same age as ours. Although we know them quite well we have rarely stayed at each others houses, and I know our sons & parenting styles may be a bit different since our son has been in nusery full time since 5 months (now 27 months) and theirs has been at home with Mum.
Do you, or anyone else have any tips on things I should sit down and discuss/plan in advance with my friends try to ensure it runs smoothly?

MotherofOne,

As a veteran of several family holidays with friends my tips would be:

1. Arrange that you will take it in turns to cook the evening meal - that way you get something you like at least every other day!

2. Make it clear that you won't all be doing everything together every day. This means that each family gets some space alone. It also means that you stand a chance of getting out of the house at a reasonable hour - in my experience trying to make joint decisions and get everyone ready takes hours. We often do end up doing stuff together, but because it's not expected then no one gets offended if anyone wants to do their own thing.

3. Whichever parent is present is IN CHARGE, and must be obeyed. This probably doesn't come into play with kids under 2, but with older kids it is very important, and means you can relax a bit when they're off with someone else!

4. Have a copious and readily available supply of booze to hand - it's remarkable how much more laid back you can be about anything when you've got a glass of wine in your hand!

Having also been away 4 times with other parents, I second all Azzie's advice. I would also strongly recommend that no one should discuss anything remotely controversial about parenting during the holiday. It can be bad enough struggling with the small differences about having to eat vegetables at meal times or the bedtime routine, without anyone starting to discuss smacking etc.
One irritating problem we encountered was parents who don't feel the need to get up when their children do, if they think other parents are already awake. Again this can be easily remedied by a rota arrangement but persistant offenders do get very annoying!
It can be really good fun going on holiday with other families and I think that the children enjoy themselves hugely but you will find times when you really do have to bite your tongue and not pursue a particular topic of conversation, just to keep the peace.

I agree about the time thing, it can take FOREVER to get anywhere with more than one family. We get up (early) do breakfast, do nappies, get kids dressed, have showers ourselves, dressed and ready to go...other family doze in bed with daughter and toys in the middle, surface about 2+ hours after us, breakfast slowly, lengthy showers for everyone, dress dd, dress selves, hair and makeup for mum, teeth done for everyone, start to wonder what to do with the day...meanwhile we have all been playing football in the garden, have watched Postman Pat, made a castle out of lego, read numerous books, had mid morning snack, ds is tired, either we leave NOW and he sleeps in the car or he goes to bed and the opportunity for outing has passed before other family have emerged from dressing gowns! Very frustrating...answer is to do things seperately several days - whether you are the slow family or the fast family, it will be less stressful and you will be much more content to pootle about the other days.

Now I feel like a total heel! Just got a huge boquet of flowers from my friend to say thanks for a wonderful week's holiday! And I hated having them here.
Think I'll crawl into my hole and stay there!