Friends staying with GF baby - driving me insane!

[fp]

We have some friends staying with us since Sunday for a week. They have a 7 month baby boy who is VERY strictly on the CLB routine. My children are 2yrs+2 months and 8 weeks. Needless to say things are a bit hectic and unpredictable in our house at the moment. And I'm fairly laid back, let my kids find their own routine and its not as if they are up all night, in fact they both sleep well.
First of all our friends asked if we have blackout curtains (after they arrived) and were a bit put out when we said we didnt have any. Their son has woken up at 6 both mornings. We cant go out when we want in case their son falls asleep in the car and sleeps at the wrong time, my daughter missed playgroup today as a result. They asked to come and we said yes as we thought it would be fun with all the babies and at least we have a granny flat so they are staying there and eating and spending the day in our house (no granny right now!).
They are insisting we follow these routines down to the nearest 5 mins. I had never seen this in action and it is going to drive me mad by the end of the week (they are here till Saturday). I am already on the verge of wanting them to leave as they are being all preachy about this and trying to make me di it with my baby who is sleeping really well, they say it would make him happier but I dont want to.
Should I tell them they are driving me mad, and ask them to lay off, or grin and bear it. Needless to say I am driving my dh insane going on about it. They are REALLY good friends and we have known ewch other for 15 years, I dont want to ruin the friendship but if they dont stop telling me how to bring up my kids I dont think I will ever want to see them again!

Thats a shame fp, but I kind of know what you mean... I don't have many friends with children but the ones I do have (that I have met since having dd) all share the same principles(ish) as me on the 'biggies' ie b/feeding, no dummies, no GF etc... The one friend who I have who is completely the opposite I don't really see anymore and its a shame, but its hard when you think you're doing the right thing for child and they think they are doing the right thing and it just gets a bit rubbish... I find the best thing to do is just not have conversations about the babies - but how hard is that when your lives are revolving around them constantly??!

Also my close friends who are all non-parents at the mo have been so bombarded with one sided info about the 'awful' Gina her ilk by me that it will be interesting to see what happens when/if they have babies (they WILL listen to me!!!! )

It is very difficult to agree to disagree when you think you are right!!
I lost contact with my anti natal friends because after our babies were born they kept comparing what their dds were doing that my ds wasn't. Almost thought their was something wrong with him so I decided to stop seeing them as I was getting too distressed by it.

that sounds horrible sister. All my friends with babies do different things at different times. I'm a gf mum with a very active ds, others have little fatties who are happy just to lie around and look (I wish!), some do attachment parenting, some gf, some a middle way. I don't find it matters. I think that a routine is the best way (obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have done it) but would only offer advice when asked. Most kids end up the same in a year or two, anyway, so if other mums want to get there a different way so what?

I think that part of the problem was that we had all just given birth to our first child. From day one it was 'my child can support her head, why can't yours'? This carried on until their dds were crawling and my ds wasn't and I decided I'd had enough!
When my dd was born I hardly had time to notice myself what she was and wasn't doing!!!

Fp, your friend was seriously pushing her luck!!! The books were insulting enough without adding more criticism. All I can say is that she must be pretty thick skinned and she's damn lucky you weren't ruder to her. Aren't you tempted to send her the books JJ suggested? I'd be sorely tempted now

Am I the only person who doesn't presume to make a comment on how a friend brings up their children, and I wouldn't offer my opinion unless asked? With me and my friends I have no idea what their views on gf or routines or anything and I don't ask. I sometimes ask for help and advice, as I do here, but would never suggest a friend is doing it wrong.

Crunchie, no you are not alone. I don't pass comment either, unless asked a specific question. I really don't think it's my business to. I am still taken aback when other parents comment on the way I do things, even after 8 years of motherhood.

Crunchie - no, you're not alone. I had never heard of GF before I found this site and doubt any of my friends would have either. And terms like "attachment parenting" etc are just not terms I, or anyone I know use.

Some of my friends certainly do things that I wouldn't do and, of course, I do things they wouldn't but we just don't make comments about it - why fall out about your kids bedtimes?

On the other hand, if someone was ramming their views about my "style" down my throat well......

Exactly, tinker. It had never crossed my mind to criticise or even comment when not asked until this friend came to stay and startrd banging on about her way of doing things. I have another friend with a baby of similar age who also follows the CLB routines and we never discuss it as it never seems important. It was having the views rammed down my throat which bothered me. I have been fairly intolerant and picky with other people since then, which I now publicly repent of!!
I think the main thing this has shown me is to be careful who you have to stay. My other friend isn't a problem as we meet for lunch/coffee etc when it suits us both and all the kids, but she isnt with me 24 hrs a day.
In the end it is not my style, and noone is going to make me do it or like it, although I have no problems with people doing it if it suits them. Its just telling me I am letting my children down by not following a strict routine that really got my goat. It's not like we are totally haphazard or anything, I just didn't do it her way, and so she cant keep quiet.
Do you reckon I should just say to her lets not talk about this again or I am going to say something i will regret? I think that laying it on the line like that is the only way to sort it out, and figure out whether or not the friendship can be retained, or should be allowed to die.

Fp, I've followed this thread from the beginning and I really sympathise with your feelings about your friend and what went on, IMO she was totally out of order but also I would say don't abandon your friendship over it if you think it is just child related.
I have an extremely good friend who has a number of children who gives me (unwanted) feedback on how to bring mine up. Her visits to us with her children almost always cause DH and me to stress out but the kids always enjoy being together, she and I usually get to have a natter and overall, although I usually want to bury her kids head first in concrete when they stay (joke ), we manage because we want to stay friends and recognise we're different.
As it happened my DD was following Gina(ish) sleep patterns but her youngest was following a similar pattern ( but not a 'routine' as far as her mum was concerned) which was around 3 hours shifted so trying to go anywhere was a complete joke. We've just agreed to stay together again once daytime sleeps are finished.

fp - if you think she could handle saying "let's not talk about it" then why not try it? I don't think the friendship will ever be the same though.

I had a huge row with an old friend over a year ago - and we still don't speak (it wasn't over kids!) If I could turn back the clock I would have handled it differently. However, even if we made up now, I just don't think it would be the same, too much that couldn't be talked about, always on your guard when certain subjects arose.

Maybe leave things for a while and come back to each other when it doesn't seem so important.

Oh I would so love to know what has happened with this old story and whether they stayed friends and whether the 2nd child had such a rigid routine...

In my opinion it's just so odd the way that people follow these books. Children are born not knowing night from day and they all get there in the end. My son slept through from about 6months and had a period of early waking at about 18 months. I did worry about it at the time and tried to reduce his naps etc. But he had no set routines and is a happy little 5 year old now. My friend who has 4 children is totally relaxed, never had any routines with her youngest because he had to fit into her life.

They will all grow up well adjusted and happy as long as they aren't fussed around and life made into one long routine! In my opinion of course. I know it is easy to say that and when you are sleep deprived you will try anything but I really think all this obsessive following of routine is mainly for middle class, older women who have their first child. They are used to control in their work etc and want to do everything 'right' with their child.

My son incidentally now at 5 usually goes to bed around 8 but if he's not tired it's 9 or later. He usually wakes up around 12 hours later. On school days it's earlier. If he gets up earlier than us he makes himself breakfast and plays.

I know I will be blasted for this but really ask any mother of a large family what they do and their youngest fits in and is happier and easier as a result.