twatty things I don't miss about my ex...

[confusedNC]

Some of us need reminding what we're not missing and also need cheering up. So I'll start...

1. Making his feckin packed lunch every day, even when I'd been up all night with ds because it was 'the least I could do' apparently. Oh and having to think of inventive healthy options cos you were overweight but then you did have a car full of choc wrappers and crisp packets.

Insert your own here.....

Cystitis. Don't miss that a bit.

Breakingthebank:

Yes, I also hugged him with him keeping his hands by his sides. If I was lucky he'd half hug with one arm loosely round me. Awful. I don't miss that one bit.

Isn't it funny how so many of these behaviours are the same?! Did they all go to the same twunt school to learn how to be a twunt?

Yes mine changed when I got pregnant too. I was seven months and he went to work (weekend shift). Before he went I gave him his home made poached salmon salad packed lunch and we had a chat about how I was going to go and look for a lovely sleep suit to bring the baby home from hospital in and what I would make for dinner. Off he went. He didn't call me all day, which was unusual, didn't answer his phone, didn't come home that night, I was in pieces. He turned up the next morning and when I tried to talk to him said huffily "well I obviously can't make you happy, I think we need to split up" . We didn't obviously, he made me unhappy for a further five years. I found out later that he'd not gone to work at all, had gone and met another woman.

THATS how quickly it changed. So when people say there must have been signs, well there were not, my relationship turned about face in a matter of hours and I spent the next five years trying to get it back, during which he became more and more abusive in every way you can imagine.

Pretending it's normal to just stop having sex once 6months pregnant. Pretending there is nothing weird about being ejaculated on EVERYTIME we had sex except for when we were TTC. The vile smell of cigarettes on all of his clothes. His weird obsession with me being hair free-in the 13years we were together he didn't go near me once when I was due for a wax. He'd rather wank than face the reality of female body hair. His refusal to drink coffee unless it had cardamom seeds in it.

I'm not sure about twunt school Mama but my dh has certainly been schooled in entitlement from an early age!

I haven't even got the excuse that he changed! He was always like this but got worse when I was pg. I remember him telling me v early on he'd set me on fire if I ever cheated (joking of course )

my dad was controlling & it never entered my head this wasn't normal. I spent my childhood tiptoeing around dad's moods & carried this into married life. It never occurred to me that a man would get up with baby in the night for example!

Getting extremely stressed about minor, everyday inconviences such as getting lost when driving somewhere new or people talking in the cinema to such an extent that it completely ruined days out or trips to the cinema.

The getting lost thing was really irritating actually. I don't drive. Part of the reason is that I have no sense of direction. None. I can get lost in my own house! I'm OK reading maps but I really need to focus and if I lost track of where we are, I can't find out where we are again as I don't have a mental map...if that makes sense!

Anyway, ExP knew this but would still insist on my navigating as well as entertaining DS so that he could concentrate on driving. So, if we ever got lost, it would all be my fault and result in much huffing and puffing and stony silences for the rest of the journey.

DS and I went out for the day with my sister recently. She drove and we managed to get lost on the way there but it was just laughed off and we both looked at the map and worked out where we were and went off again. It was so nice!

Also, I really do not miss his insisting I watch every funny Youtube clip posted by his idiot friends on FB, regardless of what I might be doing at the time. I was expected to drop everything, rush over and be mightily amused by the latest hilarious clip of someone falling over.

coming to bed in his boxer shorts with his fat tummy overhanging, reaching into the front of his shorts having a good scratch with both hands!

saying "any chance of sex tonight?" or "want to play hide the sausage" or touching my bottom and generally feeling me up then later on in the evening after he'd done the washing up coming in to complain that he's not getting anything out of the relationship. I found out that I was supposed to have read his mind and joined him in the lounge for the evening but didn't that was why he exploded at me!

not feeling like I'm having to look after a third child!

I don't have to wait until he's put something on the wall or fixed something because he's not there to ask and it's totally in my hands now : )

not living constantly expecting him to pull his weight in the house and actually care about what the house looks like and the cleaning that needs to be done because he's not there and so not messing it up when I clean it. Whenever I clear and clean something it now stays clear! it wasn't the children that messed it up after all!!!! go figure!

his negativity towards others and the names he calls them e.g. calling disabled spaces spacker spaces, or calling black people coons, it's dragged me down for years and totally disrespectful even if he's just saying it to me!

listening or trying not to listen to him swearing or shouting at me and the children and calling us names. For someone with such a huge vocabularly (surpasses mine and I'm 4 years older than him) I could never figure out why he swore so much.

the tv in the lounge on constantly with him on his ipad sitting on the settee watching at the same time whilst I'm slaving away in the kitchen and he's like a pig in mud with the lounge constantly a mess around him not caring not bothering to do anything!!!! very angry at that one

not having sports on all the time

telling me I should go to bed or that I go to bed too late, telling me I can't sleep on the settee, telling me when I should get up and that I'm constantly late for work and I'm constantly messing with the families schedules not getting food on time, chilling out and not sticking to a rigid mealtime plan on Saturday having worked full time all week and want a lie in, why can't i? what's so wrong with that.

oh gosh I must stop now I'm getting angry!

Being shown how to chop tomatoes properly

His crocs!!

Yesterday I was accused of victim blaming.
I myself have not been in this type of relationship, so I honestly cannot understand why people stay with these men.
It goes without saying that the men are nasty individuals , but when I read about some of the behaviour I do wonder how people put up with it. I am sure that there are many women who would think the same as I do.
To accuse me of victim blaming is below the belt and wrong .
I

You don't leave a marriage/ father of your newborn/ somebody you're financially tied to/ somebody you love the first time they do something unreasonable or nasty or questionable. It takes a good few years to spot patterns and triggers. You feel confused most of the time and the goal posts move a lot of the time. You lose your sense of normality and also feel shame that you're in such a bad relationship. There are hundreds of reasons why women do t walk away from these relationships. The women on this thread have managed to go so which unless you've walked in our shoes you will never understand what courage, strength and determination it might have taken.

I understand that you haven't been in a relationship like the ones described here but if you read enough threads on this board, unfortunately it won't take long for you to gain a better understanding.

areyoubeingserved if you don't want to be accused of victim blaming, and you feel offended by the suggestion, then please don't do it.

If you genuinely feel that you have been misunderstood you may find it helpful to do some research around the issues surrounding domestic abuse.

Did you read my post describing how my life and relationship changed within hours? Now imagine having no family support, no money, no where to go and a man who Will Not Leave. Every time you feel strong and start to take steps to end things. He sees this and switches on the charm, persuades you things will be different, back to how they were, add a toddler and a new born into the mix, how are you going to provide for them? oh and you're scared of him too because he told you he'd kill you if you ever left.

All this because he was amazing when you first met so you think it must be YOU, YOU are the problem, everyone else likes him or seems to, you're the only one with a problem. YOU made him that way. You are so fogged up you don't know anything anymore, it's all you can do to keep getting up, caring for your dc (alone) and just keeping on going, your abused brain simply cannot begin to plan to leave and deal with the upheaval that goes with that.

Do a bit of reading. People never understand how this can happen. I don't and it happened to me for 7 years.

I'm amazed how I'm reading this nodding - thinking I was the only one with an ex like this. It's actually reminded me of more twattishness..

His preference for ejaculating on my face rather than inside me - I kid you not - (the result of way too much dodgy porn)

His need to "talk" in the most of-putting cringeworthy way during sex - again, the result of too much porn.

Finding his dried snot wiped on the shower tiles, down the side of the sofa and on the back of the headboard. vom.

Constantly having to play a "game" in the car on journeys of more than 30 mins. I had a "choice" between sticky-heads or to state my favourite top 10 films, songs, etc and then state why I had chosen them.

Being dragged away from whatever I was doing to watch something on u-tube he thought was hilarious.

When I got home every evening - him asking "what's for dinner" - lazy bastard never cooked in 12 years.

His OCD with things being in a particular order/lined up in a certain way (Sleeping with the Enemy anyone?)

I actually don't think I have ever done this - by that I mean listed the things I don't miss - I was too busy fuming over his affairs & the fact he left me for a hideous downgraded version. This thread has been very cathartic & had actually made me smile knowing that 5 years on and in his late 40's, he's not likely to have stopped donig any of these vile things.

he he - good luck OW!

I'm amazed how I'm reading this nodding - thinking I was the only one with an ex like this. It's actually reminded me of more twattishness..

His preference for ejaculating on my face rather than inside me - I kid you not - (the result of way too much dodgy porn)

His need to "talk" in the most of-putting cringeworthy way during sex - again, the result of too much porn.

Finding his dried snot wiped on the shower tiles, down the side of the sofa and on the back of the headboard. vom.

Constantly having to play a "game" in the car on journeys of more than 30 mins. I had a "choice" between sticky-heads or to state my favourite top 10 films, songs, etc and then state why I had chosen them.

Being dragged away from whatever I was doing to watch something on u-tube he thought was hilarious.

When I got home every evening - him asking "what's for dinner" - lazy bastard never cooked in 12 years.

His OCD with things being in a particular order/lined up in a certain way (Sleeping with the Enemy anyone?)

I actually don't think I have ever done this - by that I mean listed the things I don't miss - I was too busy fuming over his affairs & the fact he left me for a hideous downgraded version. This thread has been very cathartic & had actually made me smile knowing that 5 years on and in his late 40's, he's not likely to have stopped donig any of these vile things.

he he - good luck OW!

Nicki, because you are supposed to work at marriage, and all marriages have rocky times and there are 1000s of books on how you can make your relationship better, how to talk to them, and so on. As other pps said, then you can't do it to your children, then you are actually afraid to leave or you can't imagine how you will get them to leave.

My ex used to work shifts. When he was on earlies (6-2), I'd come home from work to find a pile of his "wank tissues" in a pile on the bedside cabinet. Bleurgh.

My ex used to work shifts. When he was on earlies (6-2), I'd come home from work to find a pile of his "wank tissues" in a pile on the bedside cabinet. Bleurgh.

I thank the posters who have tried to get me to understand their reason for staying in the relationships and who have done so in a measured and rational manner , without resorting to name calling

Don't be daft, nobody has called you names. All that's been said is please have a think about domestic abuse and don't make victim blaming comments. What's offensive about that?

Drinkbellini, I like to think my ex hasn't reformed & that OW is getting the even sloppier seconds :-)

Great thread

His smell. He stank. He wouldn't wash or brush his teeth without being reminded.

Leaving his boots in the middle of the sitting room. Now I could understand kicking them off in the hallway, or even by the sofa, but walking into the middle of the room and taking off his stinking work boots and leaving them there like some hideous objet d'art?! Why?! A conversation piece?! Every pointless day.

Only believing something I said if I had corroborating evidence, preferably a witness that he respected.

Not having to comfort him after another poor performance.

There are many many many more. But that'll do for now.

My favourite thing he ever said was, "if you walk out now, you can never come back". I don't think he realised what a relief that was: I think he mistakenly took it for a threat.