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Original poster

looks like I've been dumped by text

127 replies

mypetdragon · 17/08/2014 12:04

Why are men such cowards?

Been with DP 4 months. Not long I know but we are both in our 40s, divorced and ready for a relationship. He has been divorced for 2 years, been on several dating sites and had virtually given up on finding 'the one' - I have had 2 relationships following my divorce 10 years ago and knew what I was looking for, so we quickly established ourselves as a couple.

We both have children (his younger than mine which worked well - also they are absolutely lovely and seem to like me too!) and both sets of children have accepted our new partners. I have stayed at his place when his children have been there for their weekends and we have recently all been away together (his children, him and me - my kids are university age).

So, 5 days ago, on my return from our summer holiday with his children, I receive a text saying he hadn't thought the holiday went well, that he wasn't prepared to make 'compromises' in his relationship and everything was 'too complicated' and that he needed a 'couple of days' to think things through.

Until this point, everything had been fantastic - we've never argued, we're very affectionate and loving, see each other every weekend and a couple of times in the week as well. We've been away for a week together in May and we both agreed that we had found 'the one'.

His text came completely out of the blue - the only indication I got that he wasn't happy was the last day of the holiday when he couldn't sleep; the following day he was distant and then on my return, the text.

I last heard from him on Wednesday. I'm guessing he's already made his mind up.

Any thoughts? Sorry for long post. Thanks.x

OP posts:
paxtecum · 17/08/2014 12:08

You must be shocked and upset, but obviously he is a knob and you are better off without him.

Maybe he enjoys the thrill of internet dating and meeting (shagging) someone new every couple of weeks.

pictish · 17/08/2014 12:09

My thoughts? Waaay too much too soon!
We've been away for a week together in May and we both agreed that we had found 'the one'.
You could only have been dating mere weeks at this point surely?

And the kids are all involved as well now - four months in. Bit hasty no?

He isn't the man you imagined he was OP - I'm really sorry.

lettertoherms · 17/08/2014 12:11

Ending with a text four months in, after a holiday together? That's really not on. What a coward.

brokenhearted55a · 17/08/2014 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 17/08/2014 12:15

He was your boyfriend, not partner after 4 months. Seems too full on. Still shit of him to dump you via text, though

Original poster
mypetdragon · 17/08/2014 12:17

Hi pictish yes, we met at the beginning of April and within a couple of weeks he told me he had met 'the one'. I was really cautious at first having been through two previous relationships following my divorce but this seemed to be going so well, he was very open and honest and so I relaxed and went with the flow. Our week in Paris was at the end of May so we had been together only a matter of weeks.

I'm very upset for his children, they are relatively young and will be sad not to see me this weekend as know they were expecting me. It's all a bit tragic.

OP posts:
Spartak · 17/08/2014 12:19

It all sounds too full on. Maybe he realised that after a week together with his children.

With all thats going on in the world, the end of a 4 month relationship is not tragic.

Joysmum · 17/08/2014 12:19

Unfortunately, ending things by text or email is the modern day version of the old Dear John letters and so isn't a new or unusual phenomenon.

All the time there are people on life who avoid confrontation, you'll have men and women dumping in writing.

Kimaroo · 17/08/2014 12:21

Just a thought - his ex isn't blackmailing him about access or anything?
But text is so cowardly. He needs to explain to you why the relationship isn't for him because you were obviously led to believe this was going somewhere.

Unexpected · 17/08/2014 12:23

Sounds like too much too soon. Yes, his children may be sad not to see you but given that you have been together only 4 months there is a good case to be made that they shouldn't have met you at all yet! As they don't live with him, what was the huge rush?

AnyFucker · 17/08/2014 12:23

Too much too soon

Now you know your Mr Right was a cock after all

Might be better in future to not start blending families and getting so full on so quickly

googoodolly · 17/08/2014 12:24

It sounds way too full on, and I think he agrees with that. You shouldn't be going on holiday with his children after only four months - that's ridiculous, sorry.

After four months, I hadn't even met DP's children. He had his time with them on his own and it was nothing to do with me. I think you both got caught up in the idea of romance and took it all far too quickly for comfort.

I feel most sorry for his kids, to be honest, having a new woman introduced and then vanish so quickly, it must be very confusing for them.

As for your relationship, do you really want to waste tears on someone so flaky and indecisive?

Original poster
mypetdragon · 17/08/2014 12:24

sorry spartak that your misunderstood my lighthearted use of the word tragic which was used more to describe the fact that children are involved.

Anyway, lesson learnt.

OP posts:
UrsulaBuffay · 17/08/2014 12:24

Too much too soon and hopefully he has learned not to bring someone into his children's lives like this. I'm sure you were very lovely to them but they've been through their parents divorce they will get over this.

Original poster
mypetdragon · 17/08/2014 12:27

I'm normally so sensible!! I can't believe that I let myself become so involved so soon. Thanks for your replies, everyone.

OP posts:
pictish · 17/08/2014 12:29

within a couple of weeks he told me he had met 'the one'

It would be this Confused face and a bid for the hills from me at that. I'd think "err...you don't know me from Adam, so that's a lofty claim indeed, and I now think there's something wrong with you" but I guess you were flattered by his supposed sincerity.

Even if he was to come back to you now claiming he'd made a mistake, you'd never be able to trust him again seeing as he evidently picks up and drops women like a child does with toys.

I'm genuinely sorry that your romance has ended like this, but in honesty, you've most likely dodged a bullet there. Truly.

Optimist1 · 17/08/2014 12:31

Regardless of what MNers might think about "too much, too soon" the fact is you did go away together, introduce the kids, etc. so there's no changing that. I wonder if his ex knew that you were going to be on holiday with them and has since given him a few things to think about?

Given his involvement with you, his text message is cowardly and unkind. As you say, lesson learned.

Original poster
mypetdragon · 17/08/2014 12:34

thanks pictish I knew that there would be people on here that would help me feel better.

anyfucker I was hoping you would comment, you never mince your wise words.

thank you.

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/08/2014 12:39

You got swept off your feet and he turned out to be an emotional con artist. Next time be far more circumspect and never fall for the too much too soon routine.

pictish · 17/08/2014 12:57

And OP this sort of thing is exactly why it is always right to hold your fire, no matter how convincing or charming a fellow might be.

How could be possibly ascertain that you are 'the one' after a fortnight? How could you? You said it too, so what did you think you were agreeing to? You couldn't possibly hope to know!

There are posters on here that will claim they 'knew' after one date/one week/one month that their dh was 'the one', and to prove it they are still married 20 years on or whatever...but the fact is...they just lucked out. They actually 'knew' nothing.

Do not go about swooning at guys who make grand claims of love in five minutes. Do not make grand claims back. You do not know each other and it is a highly unrealistic and dangerous way of choosing a life partner.

Talk is cheap and people can say anything they like and seem sincere.

AnyFucker · 17/08/2014 13:09

You will be ok, op. I agree a bullet dodged. Onward and upward and next time be much more discerning, if only for the emotional welfare of kids dragged along by two bloody daft supposed mature adults.

HanselandGretel · 17/08/2014 13:13

Sorry but I don't think he is a cock at this point. He has asked for a couple off days to think and granted it's gone over but he may yet be in touch. If he doesn't get back in touch to discuss things properly then please bring forth the cock comments, I will be at the front.
You can't flame him for having cold feet and withdrawing. It's a massive step on 'both' your behalfs to introduce kids and go on holiday and spend every weekend...after only four months, that is way too much too soon, if you both were carried away on the love both ok, but involving the kids this early wasn't fair for just this kind of outcome.

I too had the 'you're the one' line after about a week, the guy ended up breaking my heart a year later by a silent dump. It's a personality flaw which is highly toxic.

HanselandGretel · 17/08/2014 13:15

Should have been 'love boat'. Why is there no edit button on here?

Original poster
mypetdragon · 17/08/2014 13:24

thanks hansel - I will keep you posted...........however if he does get back in touch (and let's face it, we still have to deal with the returning of stuff) I will be very interested to hear what he has to say. Watch this space.

OP posts:
Littleturkish · 17/08/2014 13:29

Shoddy behaviour in using text to communicate, but, perhaps you would have had similar doubts once the first excitement had died down and you realise how much you have committed to a relative stranger?

I think new partners and children need a slow and distant introduction at first- holidays away are difficult for established couples, let alone people in the beginning of a relationship.