looks like I've been dumped by text

[mypetdragon]

Why are men such cowards?

Been with DP 4 months. Not long I know but we are both in our 40s, divorced and ready for a relationship. He has been divorced for 2 years, been on several dating sites and had virtually given up on finding 'the one' - I have had 2 relationships following my divorce 10 years ago and knew what I was looking for, so we quickly established ourselves as a couple.

We both have children (his younger than mine which worked well - also they are absolutely lovely and seem to like me too!) and both sets of children have accepted our new partners. I have stayed at his place when his children have been there for their weekends and we have recently all been away together (his children, him and me - my kids are university age).

So, 5 days ago, on my return from our summer holiday with his children, I receive a text saying he hadn't thought the holiday went well, that he wasn't prepared to make 'compromises' in his relationship and everything was 'too complicated' and that he needed a 'couple of days' to think things through.

Until this point, everything had been fantastic - we've never argued, we're very affectionate and loving, see each other every weekend and a couple of times in the week as well. We've been away for a week together in May and we both agreed that we had found 'the one'.

His text came completely out of the blue - the only indication I got that he wasn't happy was the last day of the holiday when he couldn't sleep; the following day he was distant and then on my return, the text.

I last heard from him on Wednesday. I'm guessing he's already made his mind up.

Any thoughts? Sorry for long post. Thanks.x

Oh it's horrible when they do that isn't it OP It's like pulling the rug from under your feet. It could be that it suddenly dawned on him that he was in deeper than he wanted at this stage and needs to cool things down a bit. Or it could be that he's simply gone off you for some reason. Either way he's not gone about it in the most sensitive way. I really hope you get the outcome you want (whatever that is).

Hi everyone - welll, I've just had an email from him backing up his text. What a coward. It says in a nutshell, that he doesn't want to continue being together, that he thought he wanted a LTR, blah blah, however,the
closer that it got to that, the more he realised it wasn’t what he wanted.

He said, and I quote: "I don’t want to have to compromise, I want to be selfish, I don’t want to be tied down having to think about someone else’s needs and desires. The problem is that the closer we got the more I started resenting having to do things that you want to do".

Not sure quite what it was that I wanted to do since I spent most of my time at his house watching his choice of sport or films on tv or playing with his kids.

I am truly baffled and upset as I am, I have decided I'm well shot of him, so thanks for all the support .

Good luck, love. Onward and upward. he sounds like a cock of the highest order and you are well rid.

Ugh, sorry he's treated you like that mypetdragon. I hate men who don't know what they want, but get involved (usually very keen and proactive) then back out all of a sudden without warning. These types were the ones that hurt me the most in my youth. Twatters! I'd rather they gave some hint of going off me and dump me saying I'm not their type.

You should thank god that he dumped you.
Imagine what would happen if you had a kid with this ass

Hopefully not too much lost for you OP.
In future hold your fire and protect your situation more closely.

I'd be sceptical of any grown man who declared his heart was yours so soon, let alone a man with young children.

In this case it's him (cock) not you, but be a bit more wary next time and suss out the situation before you feel you're 'partners' rather than dating.

Must've been the holiday that solidified his feelings about it all.

Now this is we shouldn't take hasty I-love-yous remotely seriously. And you certainly don't involve the kids.
What a foolish man to claim you to be 'the one' after a fortnight...and in the kindest way possible, you were also foolish to be swept along by it.
Just like 'that' he has changed his mind.
You've been toyed with. Whether he meant to do it or not, he has.
Irresponsible git.

I'm really sorry.
Have and a good cry. xxx

He resented doing things you want to do?
What a fuckwit.

Actually...I think he's got every right to say "I've realised a relationship isn't what I want at the moment, because I'm not prepared to consider anyone else".

But all the full on 'this is it' charm offensive in the beginning...there was no need for any of that.

Big bairn.

I agree he sounds like a selfish knob.

However - he has at least been brutally honest with you. Does it help to see it that way? He has shown you what he is really thinking, and he sounds like he is not in the frame of mind for a relationship. Better to see it early (and 4 months is early) and wish luck to the next woman he declares is his 'one'!

you are all helping me brilliantly, I have wasted no time in telling friends who are rallying round with supportive calls too. Thank you everyone. I will not be so hasty next time and as fluffyraggies says, good luck to the next person he declares is 'the one'.

Unfortunately he is a very good looking bloke and by his own admittance has had 'over 100 dates' so he will never be short of admirers. Putting up with a selfish bastard isn't something that you consider when you are bowled over by a charming handsome man.

Perhaps I should post a warning on the dating thread!!

He does sound very selfish. Think you may have dodged a bullet there. Sucks tho. Hugs.

He does sound very selfish. Think you may have dodged a bullet there. Sucks tho. Hugs.

Beware the Charming Man.

Nice of him to declare his 100 dates... huge ego

Oh we already know all this on the dating thread unfortunately!

Major cock. Oh and so good of him to change from text to email to show how much respect he has for you.

Are you going to reply?! I wonder what you could say to sweetly dent his ego?

"Glad we've found out so early that we're not compatible, rather than getting too serious. I agree, we're obviously looking for different things.

We need to return a few things don't we, but can text in the next few days to sort out the best time to do this... Etc"

I don't know - something to show you've moved on pretty swiftly and a few hints to say that's a good thing!

I'd be inclined to return things without actually meeting if possible. I agree you've dodged a bullet there, and I bet you won't be the last person to get this sort of treatment from him.

I still have a key to his house, blackdaisies not that I'm the bunny boiling type. I'll return his stuff in a dignified way by leaving it on the doorstep.

There's a load of my stuff at his too, so annoying to have to sort all this out. He's local too so I'll no doubt be bumping into him in at some point so keeping chin up and remaining calm.

bastard.

Yep. Bastard (and )

Well at least he was (brutally) honest with me!!

Agree with him OP, it's what you were thinking too, too much too soon, holiday didn't go well, it's a relief to be honest. Dent the bastard's ego.

So sorry OP, it's really horrible when you think everything is going great only to have the rug pulled. As others have said a bullet dodged

Agree with him OP, it's what you were thinking too, too much too soon, holiday didn't go well, it's a relief to be honest. Dent the bastard's ego.

^^ that! 100% that! Do it. Do it when you drop his stuff back and get your stuff. Look STUNNING. Be happy and relieved and breezy. Thank him for having the guts to say what you couldn't. "When xyz gasp probed on holiday I just knew we were a DISASTER together and let's be honest, the sex wasn't really setting the sheets on fire was it, ha ha, oops better go, big evening later. Take care, best of luck and everything."

Gasp probed??! HAPPENED, that was meant to say HAPPENED.