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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

looks like I've been dumped by text

127 replies

mypetdragon · 17/08/2014 12:04

Why are men such cowards?

Been with DP 4 months. Not long I know but we are both in our 40s, divorced and ready for a relationship. He has been divorced for 2 years, been on several dating sites and had virtually given up on finding 'the one' - I have had 2 relationships following my divorce 10 years ago and knew what I was looking for, so we quickly established ourselves as a couple.

We both have children (his younger than mine which worked well - also they are absolutely lovely and seem to like me too!) and both sets of children have accepted our new partners. I have stayed at his place when his children have been there for their weekends and we have recently all been away together (his children, him and me - my kids are university age).

So, 5 days ago, on my return from our summer holiday with his children, I receive a text saying he hadn't thought the holiday went well, that he wasn't prepared to make 'compromises' in his relationship and everything was 'too complicated' and that he needed a 'couple of days' to think things through.

Until this point, everything had been fantastic - we've never argued, we're very affectionate and loving, see each other every weekend and a couple of times in the week as well. We've been away for a week together in May and we both agreed that we had found 'the one'.

His text came completely out of the blue - the only indication I got that he wasn't happy was the last day of the holiday when he couldn't sleep; the following day he was distant and then on my return, the text.

I last heard from him on Wednesday. I'm guessing he's already made his mind up.

Any thoughts? Sorry for long post. Thanks.x

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HanselandGretel · 21/08/2014 09:53

the quicker and more intensely they fall for you, the quicker they'll go off you

Very very true.

Nicki - that was a brilliant text, funny how he just picked out the word 'spineless' and ran with that. No apology or anything. What a selfish arse, glad you got to turn him down royally!

PinkGrapefruitAndCucumber · 21/08/2014 19:52

excellent nickifury!!

NickiFury · 21/08/2014 20:17

Well the fact that he was SO bothered about it made me wonder if I had been a bit mean, which I said to the mutual friends. Both said "no way! How's he ever going to learn not to be a twat if someone doesn't tell him?" Grin

He still texts me occasionally and pokes me sometimes on FB Hmm

SWIMTHECHANNEL · 21/08/2014 20:46

Could the shutter maybe catch him across the neck ...

getthefeckouttahere · 21/08/2014 21:09

Can i help with the translation

i refuse to compromise ...blah blah b;ah = i love to shag loads of different women, your times up. I pretend to love women but deep down i hate them and am scared by them, thats why i can't end things decently. In short i appear like a lovely committed guy when i am in fact a cunty head fucker.

It seems that the general opinion is that you are well rid, i concur!

Gfplux · 21/08/2014 21:22

Men like fun not commitment.
Women want commitment and fun.

HanselandGretel · 21/08/2014 21:28

i refuse to compromise ...blah blah b;ah = i love to shag loads of different women, your times up. I pretend to love women but deep down i hate them and am scared by them, thats why i can't end things decently. In short i appear like a lovely committed guy when i am in fact a cunty head fucker.

Excellent summing up.

AnyFucker · 21/08/2014 23:35

Gf, very profound.

mypetdragon · 22/08/2014 16:46

Hi everyone

Had the returning of stuff today. I told him to drop my stuff off. I was at work but left a bag for him on the doorstep containing the gifts he had bought me (mostly tat).

He texted to say he was 'saddened and surprised' that I chose to give back his gifts. Followed by 'I'd like to keep in touch occasionally'.

I replied saying I didn't need any reminders, thanks all the same, and to give the stuff to his kids.

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mypetdragon · 22/08/2014 16:48

PS . Loving the supportive 'well rid' messages. I hope he catches an STD.

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pictish · 22/08/2014 17:14

"I'd like to keep in touch occasionally"

What for? To remind you of what you could've won?
Beat it pal!

Personally, I would've kept the gifts and just handed over his personal belongings.

mypetdragon · 22/08/2014 17:20

I wanted to give the gifts back because I knew he would be offended and it gave me control. Being the sort of man who likes to do things his way I knew he would definitely not like having the gifts returned. Also I now have no reminder of him in the house. Hurray.

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pictish · 22/08/2014 17:24

Fair dos.

You sound good and strong btw. x

mypetdragon · 22/08/2014 17:29

I'm getting there, pictish x

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zippey · 22/08/2014 17:29

Na you did the right thing in giving back the gifts. Well rid, no reminders.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/08/2014 17:40

"I'd like to keep in touch occasionally" = "would like to add you to my list of potential booty calls", obviously. 101 and counting!

mypetdragon · 24/08/2014 22:00

ugh, just had an urge to message him, feeling all maudlin. Thank goodness for MN, just re read the whole thread and it's made me sit on my hands. He is a twat. I deserve better. I must keep repeating this mantra.

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TeaAndALemonTart · 24/08/2014 22:08

Don't message him, he's a clown.

You're moving onward and definitely upwards.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 24/08/2014 22:11

DO. NOT. MESSAGE. Yes CAPS are called for on this occasion. He's not got a sudden urge to text you, has he?

Unexpected · 24/08/2014 22:12

Delete his number and block him from your phone and email. Job done.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 24/08/2014 22:13

Texting has added an extra element of danger to dating. If phoning was the only option, you wouldn't be tempted, would you? Well, it's the same thing!

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 24/08/2014 22:13

yes, what unexpected said.

pictish · 24/08/2014 22:14

Noooo! Do not message. Desist...desist!
You will only end up berating yourself for it. No need for any of that unpleasantness.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 24/08/2014 22:17

He'll probably be feeling an ego hit from the stuff-returning thing, but it's nothing to do with wanting you. If you text, he'll likely be friendly and make you feel better for all of a night. Then you'll be back to feeling shit when you realise he doesn't actually want YOU! If you're thinking maybe he really wants you but doesn't know it, that's only true if he actually, you know, contacts you saying the same.

mypetdragon · 24/08/2014 22:23

The urge has gone. He is a twat of the highest order. Thanking you all.

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